Modern Rapunzel

My twist of the story Rapunzel if it was modernized. I do not ownt he story Rapunzel nor did I made any money off of it.

Modern Rapunzel

by Omegax45

 

 

                        There was a married couple that lived in the suburbs of a small city.  They spent their days happily together, their love as strong as when they were dating.  They longed for a child to complete their family, but it seemed that no matter how hard they try, they were always met with disappointment.  One day, however, their prayers were answered.

                        The couple had a beautiful baby girl.  They named her Olivia, after her father’s deceased mother.  She was small, but full of life with shiny hazel eyes that took in everything with a curious wonder.  What made her stand out from all the other infants, however, was her hair.  It was a milk chocolate color with strands of gold that shimmered brightly in the light.  Her mother was fascinated by her daughter’s hair and would brush it several times a day after she and her husband brought their daughter home.  Her husband became concerned of his wife’s behavior, and feared that she will pull out all of Olivia’s hair.  His wife told him that she was careful, and Olivia’s hair would one day take her places.  Her husband let it go, but the fear never left him as Olivia became older.

                        Olivia’s hair was so long that she had to put it up in a double braid before going to school.  The students teased her about her hair.  They called her Rapunzel and left Olivia in tears.  At home, her mother made her take her hair down and she brushed it several times before allowing Olivia to play. Olivia was rarely allowed outside to play, for her hair got caught on almost everything.  One day, several students trapped Olivia in an empty classroom and undid her hair.  They forced her head outside a window and attempted to climb her hair down.  Luckily, a teacher caught them before they began to climb and suspended the students.  The teachers tried to fix Olivia tangled hair and were about to cut out a snarl that was beyond untangling when her mother arrived.  Olivia’s mother was furious at the teacher for trying to harm her daughter’s hair and for letting the students try to hurt her.  She took Olivia home and pulled her out of school.  Her husband was furious, and both he and his wife fought until they decided to get into a divorce.  The courts, however, rewarded Olivia’s mother with full custody and the only way her ex husband could see his daughter was to pay child support.  His ex wife decided to moved shortly afterwards, not giving out her new address or where she was going with her daughter.  Her father searched, but he could not find them.

                        Olivia and her mother lived in a large town several years after the couple’s divorce.  Her hair was so long that it left a trail wherever she went.  Her mother had forbid her from going outside.  Christina locked the door from the outside when she left for work and had bars installed in the window sills.  Olivia never learned how to cook, heating up her meals in the microwave.  She taught herself with the books her mother gave her.  She watched television when she wasn’t studying.  Her mother came home and cooked them dinner.  She then had Olivia sit down and brush her hair.  They went to bed afterwards.  This was the norm for Olivia for the past several years.  She was going to be seventeen soon.

                        Olivia hated her life.  She was a bird trapped in a cage with nowhere to leave to.  She was lonely and only had her stuffed animals and her mother for company, which wasn’t much.  She wanted to go outside.  She wanted to go back to school and make friends.  She wanted to stay up late and eat at the restaurants seen on television.  Most importantly, she wanted to cut her damn hair.  She couldn’t do anything with it like it is.  Her mother kept anything that could be used to cut it locked in a drawer, so she couldn’t get rid of it that way.  She needed out.  Something had to give.

                        One day, Olivia stabbed the window sill with her pen.  She and her mother had a fight and she was stuck in her room.  After several stabs, the bar next to where she was stabbing became loose.  She spent several days and two pens to loosen the bars.  Once she got all of them loose, she packed a bag and took money from her mother’s change jar when she wasn’t home.  She made a rope out of her sheets and got ready to leave when her worst fears came to life. 

                        Her mother had come home early and had entered her room, a lit birthday cake in her hands.

                        The two women argued before Olivia went to jump out of the window.  Her mother grabs her hair as she dropped the cake.  The lit candles set the room on fire.  Both women struggled, one trying to escape while the other tried to keep her inside.  The fire rose high into the air between the two women.  It burned the hair that bound them until it snapped.  Both women cried out as they were thrown back.  Olivia jumped out of her bedroom window to safety.  Her mother never got out.

                        A neighbor called the fire department and Olivia’s father was contacted by the police.  Upon hearing the story a few days later, the courts granted Olivia’s father full custody.  Olivia’s mother died from inhaling the smoke.  She was found holding tightly onto the hair she treasured so much.  Olivia and her father returned to their hometown, where Olivia lived happily.  She missed her mother, but not as much as she probably should had and had one question she wanted to ask her.  Why had her hair been so important that she did whatever it took to keep it?

                        That was a question that had been left unanswered.

 

 

THE END

 

 

Author's Note

I had a longer version of this, but I was trying to keep it under a thousand words. I think I fixed all the mistakes I made before, so it should be good now.

Reviews

[Mockingbird]

wow. this was an excellent story. the mother reminded me of the mother in 'carrie'. she must've had a pathological reason for becoming obsessed with her daughter's hair. to me the story became about the mother, her being the main character. the father didn't seem like he wore the pants in the family otherwise that would never have happened. it's ironic that the mother died clutching a tress of her daughter's and that the only way for olivia to live a normal life was if she died. i wouldn't take stock in someone's mediocre criticism who can't even spell.

[DreyaArt]

hmm interesting, i think it was a good version, but you seemed to be arguing with yourself to decide wether you were speaking in past tense or present, and that i found myself trying to make up my mind what it should be. i think that is the authors duty to decide for the reader, it makes the reading easier and therefore much better. also there are i noticed, a few times where you skipped words, which happens and i cant point them out without having to read it again. i dont generally read things twice, its just not in my nature.
anyways good job :)
dreya