Heaven's Tears

Fow what worth is one's suffering? When will heaven cry for a mortal that suffers silently, happiness so close yet far away?

Heaven’s Tears

By Omegax45

 

 

                        Why does it hurt to love someone so much?

                        I find myself asking that question a lot lately.  My heart aches like someone is stabbing it with a ridged hot dagger.  My eyes are itching with tears that have come and are gone, and become a pain when my eyelids are crusted and sticky.  I had once thought someone glued my eyelids together when I awoke one morning and could not move them.  Then again, who would do such a thing to me?

                      I live alone for the most part, my parents in another city.  I had moved here to go to college, hearing that it was the best one around.  That was where I met the one that stole my heart, whom my heart ached so much for.  I wanted so badly to claim my heart’s keeper as my own, to place in a cage forever.  However, that would be cruel of me.  One does not rip the wings off a bird unless they intend to eat it.  A bird is happier free than caged.

                      It is raining again.  I used to love the rain, watching the tiny droplets fall from the sky and splashing onto the ground to join its brothers and sisters to form puddles for little kids to splash in, or to soak into the ground and create mud.  When the rain stops and the sun comes out, everything looks so pretty and shining as the sun makes the droplets sparkle.  It was on such a day that I was going to confess my feelings.  I had the speech I spent all night making ready, the outfit perfect for the occasion.  I knew where to find my beloved and, once classes had let out, I ran happily to where it was.  However, the sight before me had me slow to a stop.

                      My heart’s keeper had another, kissing the other.  My best friend.

                        The paper holding my speech fell out of my hands and floats away in a small stream.  I didn’t care.  I ran away, tears from my eyes mingling with the rain.  I wanted to scream.  I want to cry.  I want to curse them for the pain in my heart and soul.  I want to hurt them.  I want to die.

                      Funny how someone could feel so much at one time when struck with a crushing blow.

                        I was walking in the rain, people staring at me as I passed.  I have no umbrella, so I am becoming soaked.  One person tries to tell me I would get sick and tries to offer me his umbrella, but I ignore him.  He wasn’t my heart’s keeper, so he didn’t matter.  Nothing seems to matter lately.

                      My friends are worried.  I was barely eating anymore.  I hurt too much to feel hungry and simply ate to keep going.  My grades, once high, became average.  I couldn’t concentrate when all I could think about was that day.  No one at work seems to notice.  I work in the back, away from customers and other employees.  My bills are paid on time, my pantry stocked with food I barely ate and I ends up throwing most of my perishables out. A waste of money, but I can’t muster any means of caring.

                      I look up from staring at the concrete sidewalk after awhile.  I was in front of an apartment building.  Belonging to my heart’s keeper.  I found the window out of instinct.  I used to stare at that window many times on my way home.  I knew it was the one from seeing my beloved there once, looking outside at the world.  Today, my former best friend was there with my heart’s keeper, the two kissing passionately and holding one another tightly, as if someone would tear them apart.

                      IT SHOULD BE ME, my heart cries out.  Yet, I brought this upon myself.

                        My former best friend never knew about my secret love.  I never told anyone.  I wanted to tell once it was official.  Guess I should’ve said something.  True friends don’t go after one another’s crushes.  It was disrespectful, a form of betrayal.  I also should’ve said something sooner to my heart’s keeper.  What’s the old saying?  The early bird gets the worm?  Guess the late birds get nothing but grass.

                      I walk away, unable to stare at them any longer.  I knew that if I didn’t, I would’ve done something horrible.  Drive a wedge through them.  Tear them apart.  Hurt that b*****d, that harlot, that w***e.  My heart keeps whispering these things into my mind.  Get rid of the obstacle.  Make you love yours.  Belongs to you and you alone.  How dare another claims what is yours.  The problem is, my heart’s keeper was no longer mine to claim.  Perhaps my beloved was never mine to begin with.

                      I find myself at a bridge for the highway, right in the middle.  The river has swelled from accepting new children into its arms and appeared to be beckoning me to join them.  Why live in suffering?  Why continue tormenting yourself?  Come, young one.  We are waiting for you.

                      A lovely siren’s song to the ache in my chest.  Yet, there were other reasons not to jump.  My parents for one.  I am their only daughter.  It would devastate them.  My brother would frown, going off to kill whoever drove me to this point.  My friends would most likely mourn, then forget about me.  My heart’s keeper…most likely not even pay any attention.  My former best friend would mourn, but never know why.

                     I look up to the sky as I sit by the edge.  Could heaven be crying for me?  It’s been raining an awful lot lately.  I hear a few people crying out to me, telling me not to jump.  What are they talking about?  I’m not going to jump.  Who will take care of my cat?  Don’t be silly.  I just want to look at the lovely tears from heaven, tears for me to soothe the pain in my heart.

                      Someone grabs me, yelling at me.  I yell back and pull away.  Bad move.  I lose balance and fall.  The person tries to grab me, but he is too slow.  I realize that it was a cop.  If I survive this, I’m going to jail.  I hope I have enough for bail.

                      Somehow, falling through the tears, it didn’t feel so bad.  I think I see someone in the river, ready to catch me. 

                      I reach out to them.

 

* * * *

 

                      I am horrified and devastated when I hear the news.  My best friend had fallen into the river.  A cop was trying to get her off the edge when they had a scuffle and she fell.  The police ruled it as an accident. 

                      Why did she do it?  Did she know that I knew of her love for my boyfriend?  Did she know that I was breaking up with him today?  That he was going to go to her place and confess his feeling for her?

                      I had no idea of her love for my ex until I noticed that we didn’t hang out as much as we used to.  I wanted to ask her, and had, but she would not answer.  Then I saw her staring at me and my ex, pain evident in my eyes.  I felt bad for her, but I wasn’t going to just dump him so they can be together.  That would be unfair to both of us.

                      However, it seems that fate works in mysterious ways.  The feelings the two of us had were fading each day, long before my best friend found out.  The only reason we stayed together this long was because I thought I was pregnant with his child.  I had a pregnancy test read positive, and we were being so careful.  We agreed that when the baby was born, we would figure out how to take care of it.  He would not tell my best friend of his feelings until we were sure.  The results came in from the doctor on the day of her death.  Negative.  The pregnancy test was faulty.  We were grateful, for we weren’t ready for children yet.  We kissed one more time, just to make sure our feelings were no longer there, and he left to her place.  I gave him the address and I went home. 

                      He came back to me in tears.  I held him and we both cried until he fell asleep.  I let him sleep on the couch that night, then he went home.  Poor guy.  I could only pray that he didn’t do anything stupid.  He didn’t.

                      At the funeral, everyone is crying.  It is raining.  They had to quickly bury her before the grave collapsed.  Her parents give her cat to me, telling me to take care of him.  I give the cat to my ex.  I couldn’t have pets in my apartment.  He seems to feel a bit better, but not by that much.  I knew it is going to take much longer for him, for any of us, to smile again and mean it.  We didn’t just lose a daughter, sister, friend, and secret love today.  We lost a part of ourselves.

                      As I stare outside, I begin to think that the angels are crying today for our loss.  It is heavier than usual.  My grandmother once told me that it rains heavily when angels cry.

                      They have a reason to cry today.

                        Goodbye, my friend.  I hope you are happy, wherever you are.

 

THE END

 

 

Author's Note

Something I did quickly for a contest.

Reviews

[Elemenopy]

I think you have a good idea here, and you definitely are able to capture the emotions intended. Though, I have to say there are a lot of grammar, specifically which tense you are writing in, problems with the piece. Not to mention that when you posted it you left it essentially one big paragraph. It is not wrong by any means, it just makes it more difficult to read.

I will go ahead and list a few things that I felt like bogged me down. First, the third sentence made me pause and say hmm...

My heart ache like someone is stabbing it with a hot dagger that had ridges.

There is a fairly simple fix here, but as you can see the main problem is your inability to match what tense you are writing in. There you are in present, by using 'is stabbing', but then the very next sentence says 'My eyes itched'. It is hard to follow a story when you do not know whether it is happening or has happened already, it does not make sense. That is really the main thing. The rest is just simple fixes.

Such as, "I had no umbrella, so I was becoming soaked." 'was becoming' is past progressive, and though it is not necessarily incorrect, it creates a fold in the sentence that slows the reader. It makes me think that at that particular time the narrator was in the process of being soaked, but not soaked yet...

Anyways, that is all I will quote grammar wise, just something to look at. As for the story itself, I have to say I was a little disappointed. Perhaps I am a sucker for stories where people tough through their pains and come out on top, rather than let their shortcomings or mishaps get the better of them. The girl killed herself over a boy she had never even expressed love towards or had any sort of relationship with. I guess the whole 'hearts keeper' thing does not make sense to me. Sure, it is a sad story, but I have a hard time relating with it.

Anyways, I know this probably is not the type of review you want to read, but I am a man of my word and I promised to give my truthful opinion. Keep writing, there are obviously a lot of people who like your work. ;)

[imXnotXcrazy]

Amazing! It was truly AMAZING! I loved this! It's sad how heart break can cause so much pain.

[mihir]

Great story. loved the plot.
You should pay more attention to your grammer and spellings. This makes it hard for a reader to read the story.

[Shardbearer99]

That was so, so sad! I can sympathise with how this character is feeling. I care deeply about this girl - well, a lot - about her, but I can't tell her. We get on really well, I sometimes find myself just thinking about her from time to time. It feels great, imagining what it would be like to be with her, but also at the same time...really painful, heartbreakingly so to realise that she can never be mine. You're a wonderful, wonderful writer that puts all of your emotions in to a marvellous piece of storytelling - what's even better is, is that people, many people will be able to relate to this. Congratulations on a great story.