Sorting out my thoughts

Analyzing...

 I must say I feel terrible and I can’t pinpoint the exact reason for why I am feeling like this. There are various reasons as to why I feel so anxious and I must say I worry too much about the future and the present. I keep delaying my school project to the point where it makes me hate myself, by all means it is completely my own fault. This process of self-help can only take me so far and I plan on taking the best of it. I have a strong headache and am seated on my desk, I did not really want to start using my computer to type this because I just didn’t feel up to it, but it turns out it makes you feel better right off the bat and makes you want to try and perfect your orthography but I need to take things slowly because that is the only way I can get over my anxiety, very slowly. I sometimes feel like I am at the top of the world whenever I expose myself a little but then end up being smashed down after I exposed myself too much. This may not be expressed so clearly but it is something that eats my time and it is completely uncomfortable because I can’t really enjoy my present time, it’s as if I am here yet I am not, everything has become rather boring, school, events, going out with friends, everything just seems to have lost its sparkle for years. 

The only thing that I really look forward too is becoming a doctor and entering University so that I can experience something new, something different. Not long ago I was accepted into the University I requested to be admitted in and when I received the envelope it was just like any other moment, I did not feel anything it was simply something I earned in a way. But even if that is the case I look forward to going to the University but since I still have a couple of months to go I decided to invest in a different activity, which is an internship in medicine, Foundation of Dr.García Rinaldí,  known for accepting high school, med or grads into their program. This foundation has many goals and one of them seems to be to show young students the world of medicine though first-hand experience, we can actually do clinical rotations and assist in operating rooms and all sorts of different educational activities which are clearly exciting to imagine. The reason for requesting to join this internship is so that I can see if I am really cut out to study medicine and become a doctor. I can’t imagine myself as something else, it has always been my dream to change someone else’s life in a more direct way and it seems like a job that would suit my personality and skills but to be completely sure of where I plan on heading I have to have complete knowledge of the profession I plan to undertake. I am eagerly waiting for a response on the matter and hope to qualify for the interview they will be holding, it would be an incredibly beneficial experience for me. I may be young but I have my fair share of goals that I want to accomplish. 

Everyone tells me I am going to do well in University and that I am going to like it and refer to the term that it is a completely different world where you meet all sorts of people and find all sorts of things, it makes you wonder if all of that is true. I am just a fool that can’t even get over one girl and is lost in thought endlessly, I hate this side of me but I can also relate to it, the fear of being rejected yet yearning for more is a cruel feeling. I just hope that the day where I stand above my fears will come a day where all of my pain and suffering is decided by me, being in control of my mind would be such a great ability to have and I know I can have it. I will not allow my messed up mind to block my path towards success, my goals are unique and by no way is my dedication going to be affected by anything, I am a warrior that guards against any hit and attacks all that does me wrong.

Author's Note

Sometimes it's fine to accept that you need help in order to fix what you may find is wrong and there is no shame in doing so, expressing myself here will help me become stronger.