The Musings of a Young Fiancee Upon Encountering Her Final Calendar Year of Engagement

This is an entry from my long-dormant xanga.com site, written in 2004 before Kyle and I got hitched.

Occasionally, journal entries warrant a title. This is one of those entries. And here is its title:

The Musings of a Young Fiancee Upon Encountering Her Final Calendar Year of Engagement

Whislt channel-surfing, I happened upon an episode of Newlyweds on MTV, and I began to wonder about married life and how it will affect Kyle and me. For instance, will I become ditzy, helpless, and lazy? Will I take it personally when my personal stylist's flight is delayed? Will Kyle become obsessed with the yard and eat moldy bread? Will Sarah magically morph from my sweet, adorably clueless-yet-astoundingly intelligent best friend into a mooching, moronic, giggle factory? Will Kyle and I begin watching and then betting on horse races and football games? Will the Louis Vuitton purse (that must come with the ring) gain a life of its own? Will my sister show everyone how idiotic she is on our vacation and then dye her hair with black shoe polish because she needs a new, "edgier" image? Will I suddenly become unable to dispose of waste or use kitchen utensils? Will my maid speak English? And, above all, will Kyle and I do all this in couture and designer fashions?

*smirks* Will I ever stop being such a smartass?

I am approaching my last year of being engaged. At freaking last. Not that this hasn't been a wonderful year and a half; on the contrary, it's been fabulous. But I'm just tired of hanging in limbo, being in that awkward state of "when we are" and "now that we are". I want to fall asleep in the same bed not out of any schmaltzy romance novel-esque thing, but more out of habit, the necessity of being married. I long for piles of dirty towels and socks (that aren't my sister's) on the bathroom floor. Tossing frozen dinners into the microwave in time to catch CSI: and arguing about whether Vegas or Miami is the better show. (Though I love both casts, the Miami is just so slick. Reminds me of Miami Vice, the greatest cop show ever.) Making the bed, sitting at the laundromat together. Little things like that.

"I wanna escape
this rat race I’ve created
I’m feelin’ enervated
I don’t care if I make it
I just want to bake a sugar cake for you
to take to work in the morn
and I’ll stay home cleaning the dishes
and keeping your wishes all warm
I wanna get married
that’s why I was born"
  ~Nellie McKay

Though Ms. McKay wrote that song in irony, she has nailed the actual essence of wanting to get married: wanting to be together and spend your life caring for the other person. Sing it, Nellie. Sing it.

 

And this is completely unrelated, but...
I have nothing against using black dye - or even real black shoe polish - to dye your hair, so nobody get all nasty about it. Kim Deal (one of my people ever) used black shoe polish as hair dye for years, but she did because riding a tour bus with a tight touring schedule doesn't allow you to visit the hair dresser. Ashley Simpson, if you're reading this, that is what a rock star is. You wanna rock, go without a shower for a week, sweat on stage every night, carry your own equipment, sing and write your own songs, drink beer and hard liquor. Repeat for one full year and start the cycle over again the next year. Do all this without whining or crying to Mom or Dad. Only then are you allowed to dye your hair with shoe polish. *pause* Sorry for the rant, but it's been coming for some time...