Identity Crisis

There's a fine line between fantasy and reality.

One day, I awoke to find
That I was me, but not myself.
As I stared at this other me,
The glass that had been keeping us apart
Shattered, and set him free.

Author's Note

Just a short poem. Feedback is appreciated!

Reviews

[William Liston]

Very good work. I really enjoyed reading this. One thing that I want you to know is that in poetry, the first letter of every line does not have to be capitalized. I'd suggest lower-casing the words that don't begin a new sentence.

Also, I'd suggest using the active voice instead of a passive one in the fourth line. For some reason that I really can't understand, people prefer the active voice (again, I really don't know why). The passive voice is a sign of weak writing (again, I don't know why it is, but for some reason, English teachers and critics don't like the passive voice).

-William Liston

[Oliver Free]

Thank you for the advice. I still have a long way to go in regards to my writing, but there's still plenty of time to learn. I'll definitely keep the capitalization tip in mind, it's a common habit in my work.

In regards to active voice vs. passive voice, thanks for letting me know about that. I hadn't noticed it at the time (since this is an older, quicker piece of mine) so I'll be sure to be more wary of it in the future.

Again, thanks for the review! I enjoy having the opportunity to improve.

[William Liston]

You're welcome. I enjoyed reading this. Let me ask, what made you start writing poetry?

[Oliver Free]

Ever since elementary school, I've been fascinated by literature. I grew up reading shelf after shelf of whatever reading material I could get my hands on. My favorite thing to read has always been poetry. The pure raw emotion that can be felt after reading a beautiful piece of poetry is one of the biggest reasons that I decided to put my thoughts and feelings onto paper through my own poems.

[Coyote Poetry]

Sometime we see real self in the mirror. Sometimes, not a pretty picture. I liked this poem. It was honest and direct. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Sarah Wilson]

Short and sweet. Despite its lack of length its still striking and the simpleness actually adds to its flow and effectiveness. love the imagery of the glass shattering. It seems almost numb with its simplicity and lack of response at this new found identity and also at the same time profound! Good read!
If numbness was not the intended tone you could always add a line or even a few words like "Shaking, I stared at this other me" as an example, if you wanted the haunting numbness portrayed then I would keep it the way it is! Great job!

[Oliver Free]

Thank you for the review and advice! This was something I wrote on a whim, my other work has a lot more substance to it. Glad you enjoyed!

[KWP]

Yes ... I read a quote or something recently that said 'we have never actually seen our real selves only
A picture or a reflection in the mirror and therefore we are only seeing a perceived version of ourselves ... Interesting when you think about that and break
It down ... We need to drop the preception and as you said above ... Set ourselves free ... You have said a lot
In this short piece - nice one X

[jacob erin-cilberto]

very interesting...that self that has tried to get out for so long...so that the two can become one...we either fight against it or search for it---and ponder reasons why we are an us...

yes, Active voice has a more aggressive tone---writing that grabs the gut.

i like the brevity in this poem and the questions that linger after reading this.

j.

[Oliver Free]

Thank you for the review! I've been working on my use of active voice since this poem. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[GalaxyGhost]

This would be a very cool story about alternate universe! If you want to write one, of course. :D

[Oliver Free]

That was kind of the inspiration for this, believe it or not!

[GalaxyGhost]

That's cool! How cool would it be if our reflections were just protecting us from an alternate universe?

[Oliver Free]

I think I've seen some writing prompts about that! It's definitely a great idea to explore.

[GalaxyGhost]

Yeah, that'd be fun to read!

[AliciaB]

Cool! I read this poem because I actually wrote one called "Identity Crisis" as well, and I thought, "No way! I have to check this out!" And it was well worth it. I really like the implied image of the mirror/reflection and "shattering." Your note right below the title is also cool and goes very well with the poem. It adds an interesting tone of... insanity? Delusion? Subconscious or conscious desires? It's very open to interpretation, which is great in a poem. You have captured many different levels of meaning with a very short and simple piece, which is quite impressive. Nice work!

[Oliver Free]

Glad you liked it! I'll be sure to check out more of your work.

[andrew mitchell]

The idea was really neat I agree with Elmarie. You could have run with this one but having said that I'm no expert either lol.

[Oliver Free]

Thanks! I'm still learning, and the journey has yet to end.

[andrew mitchell]

so am I so don't worry.

[Elmarie]

My review is pretty much along Williams lines and he wrote a splendid review. I enjoyed the concept and I am sure you can run with this idea some more if you felt the urge.

Blessings

El

[Oliver Free]

Admittedly this piece is quite old, and since I recently joined here I thought I'd throw it in. Given the opportunity, I would definitely enjoy picking this back up and adding some more substance to it. Thanks for the feedback!