Sunsets

A bittersweet tale of love and sorrow.

It had always been her dream to touch the sunset of a warm summer day.

I watched as she longingly gazed past me and to the things beyond,
To things that she would never be able to see.
Past the horizon and, perhaps, even past the world.
It had always been that way.

The way her crystal blue eyes sparkled perfectly under the hospital's lights
As she shared all of her hopes and dreams
Always managed to bring a smile to my face.

I remember closing my eyes as she would whisper, long into the night, of all the things she so eagerly wished to do.

It had always been that way.

"What does a sunset look like to you?"

She asked me this on many evenings out of childish curiosity.
I would turn, looking deep into her eyes.
I could never find an answer.

It had always been that way.

The smile that I had come to love as the months slipped by
Began to ever-so-slowly lose its radiance.

That must be why, when I least expected it,
A lone tear made its way down her soft cheek.
She liked to pretend that it never happened.

It had always been that way.

Slowly, steadily, her dreadfully frail body,
As if marked for death,
Finally lost the warmth it had once held.

And yet, I still came.

One evening, the sunset just as beautiful as always, I watched in stunned silence
As the young doctors swarmed her small figure.
In what I could only consider a frenzy,
She finally lost the battle.

As the room cleared, I couldn't help but stare,
At the girl whom I had once claimed to love.
"It all happened too fast," I said, to no one in particular.

It wasn't until many minutes later that I glanced outside the window
And to the sunset that I had seen each day for the past year.
The sun, lying just directly over the horizon,
Glazed the empty hospital room
In an array of deep oranges and bright yellows.

I smiled a soft smile.

It had always been that way.

Author's Note

This is my first completed poem at full-length. Let me know what you think! I'm still working on improving my writing, so any constructive criticism would be appreciated. Thank you for reading.

Reviews

[William Liston]

This is the greatest "first poem" that I have ever read, and I truly mean that. This is one of the greatest poems that I've read on this site. It truly brought me to tears. I can't explain how hauntingly beautiful this is. Based on this poem, you have a special talent for organizing ideas in your work; you do it in a way that gradually progresses the reader's emotion until the ultimate climatic effect at the end. You also have a special talent for vocabulary, repetition, and imagery that takes months (or even years) for many writers to develop. The only thing I didn't like about this was the visual presentation; I'd suggest using a size 12 Georgia font instead, but overall, this was great. I came here with the intention of giving my advice on your works, but I certainly can't do that with this poem. Great work, hopefully I'll be able to critique the next poem I read by you.

-William Liston

[Oliver Free]

Thank you so much for the review, it really means a lot to me. Many of my poems before this came to dead ends, or were never fully developed. This was, and still is, the poem that gave me the motivation to continue my writing. To see that it was able to evoke such emotion from someone truly makes me very happy.

(And about the font style, I'll definitely change that. I'm rather new to this site so I'm still tinkering with the settings.)

[Emily L]

Wow. Beautiful poem. Its one of the most descriptive and emotionally driven poems i've read on this website. Your words bring forth such a deep story, I imagine this poem almost happening up in the clouds, everything still and in slow motion,everything quiet and nothing but peace fills the atmosphere. Lovely work! I must know if this your first time ever writing or just your first poem because let me tell you, you have an amazing talent :)

[Oliver Free]

Thank you for the kind words! This isn't my first time writing, though this is my first poem that I was able to actually complete. I'm proud of how it came out!

[manisha]

Beautiful poem deep sense of emotions. Very nice poem.

[Elmarie]

So breathtaking and to think it is your first attempt makes me have high hopes for you. An exquisite show of emotion that carried me through each line. I wiped away a tear at the end, sniff. I thank William for requesting me to read this poem.

Blessings

El

[Oliver Free]

Thank you! I'm glad that this poem could show so much emotion.

[H.L. Cerveise]

William had requested I read your poem. I now see why he did that. This is a great poem. I agree with everything William said about this poem. I look forward to other poems from you. It was an extremely touching writing from the heart.

Well done.

[Oliver Free]

Thanks! I appreciate the feedback.