Rotten Diamonds

27/4/13 I wrote this with the thought in mind of our split spirit, with intent to explore our broken and beautiful layers, that create an uncertain future. An untameable snake buried within us all

I dropped an apple from the sky
That split like rotten diamonds,
That cried;
As the man at the empty alter,
As the baby playing with perfume.

Noxious thoughts hide in all seraphic smiles,
But show long enough for us to know
That poisoned spittle,
And severed truths,
Sleep in the keep
Of Holy sprites.

A stained canvas
And twisted rose still behold the promise of dancing means
To a fateful death.
A butterfly filled breath,
That strokes with a skeleton wing.

Intrinsic thorns breach the flesh of an angel
And the cherubs arrow will strike our eyes
Leaving dampened cheeks
Like sand after the tide.

We are without immunity to imperfection,
To fickle faults
And scars like damaged silverware.

Petals wither and leaves decay,
Tomorrow will bring whatever may come of bruised soles.

While the day, it bathes in spirit
Battered and beautiful

Author's Note

This is a redraft! Thank you for reading :)

Reviews

[Alex Roy]

The imagery, the flow...just everything fits so well. The tittle is perfect for it, it was the first that captured my eye when I found your page. I'm most definitely reading more! "Intrinsic thorns breach the flesh of an angel", really like the way that sounds too.

If I had to describe it in one word....captivating: "to attract and hold the attention or interest of, as by beauty or excellence; enchant." Of course you know what it means, but the definition seemed perfect to explain.
If you could drop by my page and give me a review tell me what you think, it's my first attempt at anything like this but don't hold back critism! You've got a talent, explore it.

[Ohhhwillow]

Thank you for your detained, kind review! My request box is overflowing with requests as I've been too use lately to respond - if you inbox me a poem you'd like me to read,I will more than likely give you the response I'm sure you deserve. :)

[zainul]

This is a wonderful canvas with abstract art.
Diamond, butterfly wings,seraphic smiles and many other common yet special words swarm here and there in the canvas.
I am at a loss to make any comment.
This is a sparkling epic piece.

[Ohhhwillow]

Thank you for your kind review Zainul, I'm glad you enjoyed this piece!

[zainul]

You are most welcome,dear friend.
It is an amazing work,indeed!

[RainDancer1997]

Very crafty:) I love the verse "We are without immunity to imperfection" Great job:)

[Ohhhwillow]

Thank you for reading! :D

[Lover Of Words]

Spectacular words my friends

[Ohhhwillow]

Thank you! :D

[Lover Of Words]

Your very welcome :D

[Dana Alsamsam]

"We are without immunity to imperfection,
To fickle faults
And scars like damaged silverware."

imperfection is absolutely over rated and you emphasize that so well here! the damaged silverware is an intriguing and unique image that really stood out to me. i'm becoming a fan! i don't know if you are open to suggestions (if not please ignore) but i feel you've gilded the lily with a few too many adjectives- you have so many beautiful words and images but if you try to cram in too much it dilutes the effects of them.

i am only able to be critical because your work is lovely and rather interests me :) awesome job.

[Ohhhwillow]

That was actually one image I felt was week so it's nice to hear that one of my readers enjoyed it. :) I am always open to suggestions, and yessss I completely understand where you are coming from, often I get carried away with little visions instead and drawing in on fewer, which may put more focus and power to what I am presenting. Thank you for bringing this to my attention further, it is certainly something for me to think about and work on. :)

[Dana Alsamsam]

yes that image stood out to me because it was simple and a bit left up to my interpretation which really interested me! thank you for being so open, and i look forward to reading more of your work in the future, darling!

[B-poet]

I loved how you've conveyed such a powerful and intriguing theme that was written so profoundly. Very poignant & emphatic. Great work. A creatively interesting read. :)

[Ohhhwillow]

Thank you for you kind review Bpoet :)

[Luke Rawlings]

I started reading and I thought "I'll quote this first verse in my review as one of my favourites". By the end, I can honestly say I can not pick a line as my favourite. I honestly want to marry that poetic sense of yours, it is a talent to respect and envy all at the same time. I am yet to be disappointed by you. The structure was cleverly picked, as I read it aloud it sounded like my own musings. The words were incredibly powerful. Teach me. Please.

[Ohhhwillow]

This review made me both giggle and smile at the same time - my poetic sense is yours to wed haha, but Luke you need no teaching, your pen in your own and as I have read, your thoughts run deep, so keep carving. :) Thank you so much for your gracious response, it's made my day!

[Luke Rawlings]

I am glad! It was my intention and only after I had hit enter did I think "I may come across as creepy.. but ah well". Thank you for the compliment, and you are most welcome for the crazy and truthful review! :P

[Ohhhwillow]

Haha no, no creepiness don't worry, I understood. :P

[pasdepoisson]

Man, awesome! My favorite of your works- a brutally beautiful underlying philosophy married to some great lines like "A butterfly filled breath,/That strokes with a skeleton wing" and "Intrinsic thorns breach the flesh of an angel". Your lines are bitter, but mature and striking.
Great work!

[Ohhhwillow]

Thanks dude means a lot, I too felt the strongest point were there lines, it's nice to know they were not unnoticed! :)

[MandaBear]

beautiful

[Ohhhwillow]

Thanks for reading

[marie]

"tomorrow will bring whatever may come of bruised souls"
i believe that is what you meant? soles refers to like the sole of a shoe, soul talks about the spirit. that line spoke to me today, you have really captured one of the deeper things in life:) great job:) lovely write:)

[Ohhhwillow]

It's funny I knew someone would comment on that, however it was a purposeful pun. I found that if I indeed had written 'souls' it would end there, with the spirit, however when I used 'soles' it refers to both the steps we have taken, the directions we have chosen, and can also be read as 'souls' at first glance. Thank you! :)

[marie]

No problem:) nice interpretation:)