Frozen Flowers

27/2/13 I based this on the idea of leaving the world behind like a flower that didn't rise in spring to blossom again.. Our fragility gives us every day uncertainty surrounding death

We wake,
Some of us rise,
Will today be of demise no-one knows but of plundering persistence,
As desolate fields veiled in white,
Silent without a trace of light like burning embers,
solemn with absent gratification of the moment passing.

Unblossomed buttercups await their time
Of fluorescent sublime and other will relinquish.

Frozen flowers do not fear,
Your time was small and smothered though radiant all the while.
Fragile as doubles gone and yet to follow,
Taken from afar.
Alike and different as you and I.

Author's Note

First piece for a while, I am unsure whether to extend this or not, it'd be good to hear opinions on if this feels unfinished or not!

Reviews

[Patrick O'Neil]

Really good read. Great imagery and use of words to set the tone. Like this lines the most:
"Unblossomed buttercups await their time
Of fluorescent sublime and other will relinquish"

It was well placed sort of a balancing point in the poem. Great job.

[marie]

this was a beautiful little piece:) i'd say leave it like it is, though if you feel the need to add to it, please do so!!:)

[Ohhhwillow]

Thank you for your valid input Marie, I think I shall just leave it as it is.. I feel it is complete! :)

[marie]

If you feel it's done then don't touch it and don't let anyone but yourself change your mind:)

[Brave girl]

well penned Willow :) thanks for sharing

[Ohhhwillow]

Thank YOU, for reviewing

[Brave girl]

:)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Vivid and captivating words expressed in this piece. I love the thought in this work. Great write.

[Ohhhwillow]

Thanks again Marc :)

[MandaBear]

Really Beautiful!!!

[Ohhhwillow]

Thanks for reading Amanda :)

[patti]

as a writer is hard to chose a point to stop writing, the cut off line but this is really good in my opinion is solid as a short piece like that. But is your choice if you feel deep down there is more to this poem then write it. I like the comparison with flowers to people, our life is delicate just like a growing flower.

[Ohhhwillow]

Exactly the point I wanted to make, on how delicate our lives are. Thank you Patti :)

[Tai Ryens]

I'd say this is rather flattering standing alone. Whether to extend or keep as is, I leave the choice to you and IF you feel the composure to improve it. Your beginning imagery was alluring at best, and I couldn't be more drawn than I was to yoru start.

[Ohhhwillow]

I'm still not sure with this one, however I'm leaning towards letting it be, as it stands it says what I wanted it to. :) Thanks for reviewing!!

[Baby Ricochet]

Willow this is really good. I love how the rhymes are buried in mid sentence. My second pass I read it out loud so I could get a feel for the meter. It's got a slight (very slight) rap feel to it but it's not rap. Makes me think of early 20th century poets. Beautiful work. You're becoming one of my favorite writers like Tai, Kimmer and Quinfinn.

[Ohhhwillow]

I'm so flattered by your taking to my writing! Metre can be a bit weird to some people as my original intention was to write journalism before I realised I was more fitted to poetry!

[Baby Ricochet]

You're a really good poet. That's for sure

[Michael Kevin Spencer]

You write with a very readable cadence, quite pleasing aesthetically as well.

[Ohhhwillow]

Thank you very much Michael! :)

[Winchester Saltgunner]

you should extend it !

[Ohhhwillow]

Ahhh I don't know how! :S you know when you just come to a dead end? Uh I ate that. :/

[Ohhhwillow]

*hate

[Winchester Saltgunner]

I kno wat u mean lol