Little Bird

12/1/13 One person can save you from the world, unfortunately, only you can save you from yourself and others lose faith when you lose control. No matter how much you love.

My feathers fall and turn to dust,
My wings burst into perfect wine -
Set alight by this darting tongue,
The brightest roaring flame of mine
That dwindles with your kiss
As magenta does at dawn.

The sparrow in vivacious winter collects brittle branches,
As I plead for yours,
With doubt by futile winds that shook them long ago,
I know,
The persistent hold resistant hope -
Frost is now composing
On the bedding for my hollow nest.

What a solemn place to rest
Little bird,
Beyond the dreams of flightless facades
That burn and yearn
To see afar,
To their crystal castles.
Mine is built with the debris of a sublime dream
The nestling place you leave for me to last a long forever.

Reviews

[pasdepoisson]

I think there's a bit here for every part of the poetic spectrum:

The lyrical side of me loves:
That dwindles with your kiss
As magenta does at dawn.

The bitter side:
Frost is now composing
On the bedding for my hollow nest.

Clever to compose so persuasive a piece for any persuasion.

[Ohhhwillow]

I like to pull in complex and contrasting emotions - in reality this is how we feel at most times, so why condense merely one feeling to a piece? That is my thinking. Anyway, thank you for reading and I'm glad you enjoyed this!

[Winchester Saltgunner]

beautiful!!!!!!!!!

[Ohhhwillow]

Ah you are too kind Sam, haha thank you!

[Winchester Saltgunner]

Welcome I just speak the truth

[Gerald Parker]

Hi Willow! Having been a Head of Sixth Form and an A'level teacher, I'm slightly concerned that if you spend a lot of time reading and responding to reviews, writing poetry, etc. that your studies may suffer. I would love to be able to encourage and advise you. I have the time now, but you have much less of it. You don't want people to just say well done, you want critique which comes at an emotional and time-consuming cost. Let me know what you think. I've raised some questions about this poem - we could start with this, but gently. G

[mikl paul]

well done.

[Ohhhwillow]

Thank you

[Rachel Anderson]

This is such a gorgeous piece! Absolutely love it. :)

[Ohhhwillow]

Thanks for stopping by Rachel!

[Gerald Parker]

This will take me some time to break into. I'm all right with the last stanza, I think, apart from having trouble understanding 'flightless facades' or how anything, any bird, any person can be 'beyond the dreams.....' Are these words that came together or do they mean something that can be explained (for me) in prose? If you don't mind, then I'll look at the rest of the poem.

[Ohhhwillow]

With regards to your concern of the phrase 'flightless facades', my intention was to highlight the irremovable masks people often form for themselves, in order to hide theirselves from others, or sadly from themselves. In being beyond a dream, I was attempting to create an image where fulfilment and ambition are often shallow for subscription to a foretold fantasy of a perfect, easy life. I spend much time concerning myself with the disregard of my peers to a life beyond consumption and conformation, being at a boarding school, it is hard to avoid. All of my poetry has a further meaning, when I write it, I'm sorry if this explanation is unhelpful aha, I often get lost in thought when I am expressing myself, however, it all has a significant meaning to me.

[quinfinn]

this write is utterly gorgeous in its depth and scope . it literally sings itself off the page when the reader grasps the true message within. every once in a while i write something very profound and with wonderful eloquence and it makes me proud.it is my fervent desire to express to you that you have achieved that very thing with this poem. be proud, this is writing at its very best!

[Ohhhwillow]

Thank you so much, your review certainly fills me with pride! I admire your ability to appreciate your own work, some poets spend forever in self loathing, and indeed people of any other talent to! Acknowledging that you yourself have created something beautiful and feeling pride, is extremely refreshing!

[quinfinn]

i think you have a great deal more to share with us all, well done!

[Larry Dyson]

love this phrase.."Mine is built with the debris of a sublime dream
The nestling place you leave for me to last a long forever."..



© 2013 Willow

[Ohhhwillow]

Thank you! :)

[Lily Mae]

This speaks loudly to my heart and soul.. thank you for sharing this.. I see myself and another so vividly in your words.. this is mesmerizing..xo

[Ohhhwillow]

Thank you, I'm glad this was relatable, your review is greatly appreciated!

[Acer]

It's true.

[Holly Mason]

thank you for sharing this piece quite lovely