Broken Hope

21/12/12 I wrote this based on the idea that those before us have subscribed to a life of caged ambition because so many of their dreams have met a bitter end, one I never want to meet

The obsolete watched and provoked every shattered window in their way.
Their own,
Their allies and enemies
Panes decayed
Like apples on the front yards path
That paved to common places,
Not beyond.

Pricked a thousand times by replacement mirrors,
Nothing more would fit
But steel bars to blind the stars
As broken hope,
And bleeding promises prevailed.

Our sunsets are clear
Although cracks will appear,
As we rise in the midst of plastic dreams,
And narcissistic nostalgia.

The transfixed troubles of pillars past devise many frames for today,
They struggle with ours,
The stubborn dreamers.

Reviews

[Dana Alsamsam]

this one definitely rung true to me! i am among the plagued dreamers who are constantly battling between the dream and what is realistic. unfortunately i feel that if this is the case, i will be one of those who in death will plague coming humans with dreams that they struggle with in their life. what would the world be though without the dreamers? maybe it isn't a plague after all but a blessing. i really enjoyed these lines:
"Our sunsets are clear
Although cracks will appear,
As we rise in the midst of plastic dreams,
And narcissistic nostalgia."

something about plastic dreams and narcissistic nostalgia is just too accurate. great use of language! i think this is one of my favorites of yours that i've read :)

[Ohhhwillow]

Once again Dana you have hit the nail on the head! You have a great grasp of the concepts I consider myself with. The important thing is to never consider your dreams impossible. Unless of course, you wish to be Spiderman, anything is within realistic reach.. I suppose we just need to confine ourself temporarily sometimes, to get to where we truly want to be. Thank you again for reading Dana :)

[MandaBear]

Just brilliant :) Great job!!

[Ohhhwillow]

Thanks for the feedback I appreciate it!

[Tarry Franck]

Flawless. Just brilliant :)

[Ohhhwillow]

Aw you're so kind, thanks again Tarry. :)

[sheila.j]

This is a beautiful piece. The description is amazing and really just grabbed my attention from the beginning. The line "As broken hope and bleeding promises prevailed" jumped out at me, I love it. Great job!!

[Ohhhwillow]

Thank you Sheila! :) Sometimes people have no idea what my writing is about because I have a tendency to over complicate it so an accurate description is a necessity haha!

[Angelica]

I really like the description in the piece. it definately shows each part of it and helps with the flow of it really well. I really enjoyed it!

[Ohhhwillow]

Thank you! :D

[sirenribbon@thehptshirt..]

Once again my day is highlighted. You have an absolute voice. At sixteen!!! I'm sure you'll remain a stubborn dreamer to the delite of this world. Cheers

[Ohhhwillow]

Thank you for your kindness and confidence in what I do! Very appreciated. :)

[Kyle Sky]

Truly this is a work of beauty. but what truly created this poems strength was a the words used to send the message. the deepness of the words and the interpretation line by line is just beautiful.

[Ohhhwillow]

Wow thank you Kyle! :)

[I, Rene]

For a sixteen year old your grasp and concepts of life are very astute, your writing is sophisticated, heart wrenching and so very wonderful. beautiful in it dark and broken path, freedom locked away.

[Ohhhwillow]

Thank you! :)

[-]

As much as I really enjoy this website, it's honestly rare to come upon any post of real, complicated substance. A lot of posts on here are superficial and simple and have loads of views and reviews and it makes me wrinkle my nose just about every day.
This is one of very few poems that I've seen lately that has real, complicated substance. I love every bit of it, especially the analogy of the decayed apples. Every stanza is beautiful and has lines that resonate: 'nothing more would fit but steel bars to blind the stars,' 'our sunsets are clear though cracks will appear...' Really just great and beautiful. I really commend you on this.
I'm sorry that was so lengthy, I just got really excited. :)

[Ohhhwillow]

Wow, you've made my day haha, thank you so much, I'm glad you enjoyed it! No apology necessary, seriously, and feel free to send me read requests anytime I'd love to return the favour! :)

[-]

You're very welcome, and thank you too :)

[RachelReaper]

Every line in this poem seemed to be a poem of its own because of the amount of thought and imagery and choice of words that went into each one. Wonderful job with this, I honestly enjoyed reading it

[Ohhhwillow]

Thanks Rachel that means a lot! :)