Broken Hope

21/12/12 I wrote this based on the idea that those before us have subscribed to a life of caged ambition because so many of their dreams have met a bitter end, one I never want to meet

The obsolete watched and provoked every shattered window in their way.
Their own,
Their allies and enemies
Panes decayed
Like apples on the front yards path
That paved to common places,
Not beyond.

Pricked a thousand times by replacement mirrors,
Nothing more would fit
But steel bars to blind the stars
As broken hope,
And bleeding promises prevailed.

Our sunsets are clear
Although cracks will appear,
As we rise in the midst of plastic dreams,
And narcissistic nostalgia.

The transfixed troubles of pillars past devise many frames for today,
They struggle with ours,
The stubborn dreamers.

Reviews

[Dana Alsamsam]

this one definitely rung true to me! i am among the plagued dreamers who are constantly battling between the dream and what is realistic. unfortunately i feel that if this is the case, i will be one of those who in death will plague coming humans with dreams that they struggle with in their life. what would the world be though without the dreamers? maybe it isn't a plague after all but a blessing. i really enjoyed these lines:
"Our sunsets are clear
Although cracks will appear,
As we rise in the midst of plastic dreams,
And narcissistic nostalgia."

something about plastic dreams and narcissistic nostalgia is just too accurate. great use of language! i think this is one of my favorites of yours that i've read :)

[Ohhhwillow]

Once again Dana you have hit the nail on the head! You have a great grasp of the concepts I consider myself with. The important thing is to never consider your dreams impossible. Unless of course, you wish to be Spiderman, anything is within realistic reach.. I suppose we just need to confine ourself temporarily sometimes, to get to where we truly want to be. Thank you again for reading Dana :)

[patti]

very good use of metaphors in this poem, being a dreamer and not be able to follow your dreams is like putting a bird in the cage. I am thankful that i'm not trapped in the cage like others were in the previous generation.
A really good poem!

[Ohhhwillow]

Exactly.. The line "did you exchange your walk on part in a war for the lead role in a cage" from Pink Floyds' Wish You Were Here describes this message flawlessly. Glad you enjoyed it :)

[Larry Dyson]

very descriptive, i m not sure are the mirrors facing in ..or out? Laury

[Ohhhwillow]

The mirrors part refers the reflection we see in a blackened window, as opposed to a mirror we look in to fix our hair if you get me. :) Shattered fragmented glass is what I was aiming to describe. :)

[Baby Ricochet]

I usually don't go for the heavy metaphors but this is really beautiful. You really excel at this type of poetry. If you don't know him you should read some work by Tai. He's brilliant with metaphors too. Outstanding work Willow.

[Ohhhwillow]

I' know what you mean some people find it off putting and unnecessary, glad you enjoyed this and thank you I definitely will soon as I get the chance! :)

[Winchester Saltgunner]

i feel your pain my parents suck and they make me feel like s**t

[Ohhhwillow]

Do they know you feel that way? :(

[Winchester Saltgunner]

Yea they don't care

[Gerald Parker]

Definitely a burgeoning talent here. There are some phrases that are a little imprecise, but it's best to leave them for now.

[Ohhhwillow]

Okay, thank you for yet another great review!

[mikl paul]

'Panes decayed like apples on the front yards path that paved to common places,
Not beyond. '

this line is absolutely perfect.

[Ohhhwillow]

Thanks Mikl :)

[Frieda P]

This is so good, love your choice of words here...nothing worse than feeling hopelessness and that one didn't achieve their dreams and are at stand still in life.

'Panes decayed like apples on the front yards path that paved to common places'

Excellent!

[Ohhhwillow]

Precisely! You've hit the nail on the head. Thank you Frieda!

[Frieda P]

The pleasure is all mind, I really like this one!

[Frieda P]

....or mine, whichever you prefer lol

[quinfinn]

i was once young and rebellious and remember the pain of my parents memories of missed opportunity and denied possibilities from a more restless and difficult era. this is a wonderful examination of those nuances. i have always been a dreamer, but my family never denied me the experience of trying for my goals. i like the reality of this stark and vibrant write. well penned.

[Ohhhwillow]

Thank you! My family is much the same, though my parents are very young and liberal as I am, so they place no boundaries over me. My primary concern is that I will place the over myself. In due course.. For a life that is easier than a challenging pursuit of happiness

[quinfinn]

alas , my parents are now dead, but i honor them with my poetry and my love for their memory...good on you, for your praise of your own!

[Ohhhwillow]

I'm sorry to hear that, my mother recently lost hers, it is painful for us both, and ever a reminder of the importance of my own. I'm sure they would be very proud of you and your beautiful art. Thank you! :)

[quinfinn]

;)

[symmetryAsymmetry]

This is the first time i've read your work and right after i'd read the first poem i knew that just one wouldn't do. Each of yours is a delight to read. You open new paradigms for the reader to imagine which i think is the best a poet can do.
I'm sorry i have nothing to contribute criticism wise. I am writing this only to let you know that you write very well..that you have reason to be proud.

PS- I think the little intro' you give before the poem prevents me from discovering the poem for myself. For me, every reader should be given the freedom to interpret it in his own way. Also, once i already know what the poem is about i tend to rush through it without actually giving it the kind of appreciation it deserves. But our opinions may differ, which is OK.

[Ohhhwillow]

Wow thank you, that certainly put a smile on my face, I'm glad you see such potential in what I do, it really means a lot to me! I'd love to return the review, so feel free to send me a read request anytime! Yes I completely understand why you would say that, there is a certain amount of thrill that comes along side discovering the depths of a poem by yourself, and for this I apologise, however I do it purely because I have been pulled up several times by viewers who have not quite understood the jist of my work and I'd hate to prevent them from fully connecting with it, so you see I have a bit of a dilemma on my hands here!

[symmetryAsymmetry]

Haha! I get what you're saying. I guess the demand of the majority should be priority. Understanding just one dimension of the poem is, in any case, better than not understanding anything at all.
For my review, you're welcome. For your smile, thank you. :)
As for reviewing my stuff, I'm sorry I don't post anything here anymore. But i'd love to hear from you on my blog.
yash-gupta-db.blogspot.com

[Emily]

I love this piece! It's one of those pieces that are so deep that you could go deep sea diving in it and still not reach the bottom. I loved that I had to read it twice in order to grasp it. You have so much vivid imagery! Thanks for sharing!

[Ohhhwillow]

Thanks Emily for your detailed review, I'm really glad it reached out to you, I know I love poetry where the concepts lay a little deeper down, so I aspire to do so in my writing!