Chapter 1 - The Daughter of the Forest

His sword struck mine with stunning force. I had to clench my teeth to keep my arms steady as my mind raced to find an escape. In combat your mind must be a sharp as your sword, with decisions being made in the blink of an eye. You just hope your opponent doesn’t think faster.

One thing was certain; I wasn’t going to win by strength. The monster breathing down on me was a giant of a man, twice my size and rippling with muscle. Was it a fair match? Not where strength was concerned. I wondered how he would react if I hadn’t been wearing the black cloth mask that covered my eyes, or the tough leather breeches and loose tunic �" if he had known I was a 17 year old female. Then again, perhaps his reaction wouldn’t change much. People don’t tend to exhibit the best manners when you are stealing from them.

All of this raced through my mind in one second and still left me with monster man pushing down on my weapon, trying to force it from its defensive position in front of my chest. It was time for mind to once again triumph over the sword.

I glanced up at the man’s face. It was red with exertion and dripping with sweat, yet his eyes bore into me with a satisfied look. An “I’ve got you now” look. So he thought. With a rush of boldness, I did the only thing I could think to do under the circumstances. I stuck out my tongue at him and at the same time shot a well-aimed kick at his shin. Unfortunately my foot barely grazed him, but it caught him off guard long enough for me to react.

I used all my strength to shove off his sword, throwing myself backward. As soon as I hit the ground, I tucked in my legs and heaved myself backward head-over-heels. His sword came crashing down inches from where I had been standing.

It took me only a second to catch my breath and register the success of my risky and perfectly timed tumble maneuver. My youth came to my aid as I scrambled to my feet, holding my sword in front of me, before my furious opponent recovered from his miss. He breathed heavily, the air coming through his teeth in a hiss, then brought up his sword and struck.

Clang! Cling! Cling! This time I was able to parry his stroke with a few rapid hits of my own. Back and forth we went, swords flashing at a breathtaking speed. I was focused so intently that the world seemed to disappear in the clash of metal upon metal, light reflecting off shiny blades, the whirr of ducking, turning, and darting. It was the sharp, lively dance of a perfectly matched swordfight.

But in the end, all it took was one expertly aimed thrust �" and the tip of my sword was against his throat. At once the man went pale and dropped his weapon with a clatter. I had his life in my hands and he knew it.

Keeping my sword firmly at the man’s throat, I looked around me. The world I had blocked out during the battle came rushing back in a flood of noise. The area was in a state of chaos; shouts and screams echoing from the frantic people, swords flashing. A state of confusion prevailed. No one seemed to know who they were after and why, and the few who did were boiling with frustration as they strained against the crowd. Perfect.

Just then, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I didn’t turn around; I knew who it was.

“Is the loot secured?” I asked, not letting my eyes leave my captive.

“Yes, all clear.” A small, dainty boy with a squirrel perched on his shoulder walked around so he could face me. “It’s okay,” he said again as he fed the squirrel an acorn from his pouch. “The riot bought us enough time, you can let him go.”

With one last threatening look at monster man, I sheathed my sword and motioned that he was free to go. He started to reach for his sword, laying on the ground, but I stepped on it and put my hand on my hilt. He needed no further warning and quickly backed away, slipping into the crowd.

The small person next to me let out a giggle. “Well you had that big oaf shaking in his boots!” The boy swept back the hood he wore, revealing a head of dark, chocolate brown hair, cut so it brushed his �" rather, “her!” �" shoulders.

I smiled into Quinn’s big brown eyes. “He had me worried for a moment there, actually. Anyhow, if our stuff is ready we should head out. Seems like everyone is distracted enough,” I said, glancing around at the frenzied mob from where we stood sheltered behind a thatch roofed house. “Round up the girls, Quinn? We’ll see if we can make our getaway without being noticed.”

Quinn nodded and rearranged the hood over her hair. Disguised once more, she darted off into the crowd. I reached down for the big man’s sword, gleaming in the sandy dirt. I weighed it in my hands a few times, going through the motions of bringing it up from my sheath to a ready position in front of me. Satisfied, I snuck around the back of the house where a five horses were tied, sliding the sword into one of the cloth bags strapped neatly to their backs.

The next minute five girls slipped around the side of the house, led by Quinn. They were all dressed in boy’s clothes and had eyes twinkling with excitement.

“Are all the others ready?” I asked calmly as I swung a leather clad leg over the back of a black horse. “Easy, Hawk,” I said in a soft, low voice, as my steed tossed his proud head.

“Yes, they are ready to leave as soon as they get the signal. Gail’s group will follow us and the rest will come after her, a few minutes between each one,” said a girl with black hair sticking out underneath her cap.

“It’s perfect, Gwenyth!” toned in another voice cheerfully as the rest of the girls mounted their horses. “We’ve got the entire crowd at each other’s necks! They’re all in a tizzy, and most of them don’t even know why.”

“Let’s give them  a chase they won’t forget then, eh?” I shifted my seat on my eager mount. “Hopefully it won’t last for long. The confusion of five different groups departing in five different directions should take them all for a spin. I suspect we don’t have much to worry about once they start turning in circles trying to decide whether to go north, east, or west.” A picture of a fast-chased pace through the forest, complete with arrows sailing from bows, passed wistfully through my mind. However, today the goal was to spill as little blood as possible.

“All ready, maidens.” I said quietly, turning my ebony stallion toward the woods. “You’d better run off to your group Quinn. Thanks for everything. We’ll meet you at the foresthenge.” She was gone before I even saw her leave.

“We’re all set, Gwenyth” said Sparrow, the girl with the flyaway black hair.

“Let’s head out.””

We started off at a quick trot, urging our horses into a canter, gathering up our breath, and then bursting through town square as our horses headed for the forest. Shouts of alarm came from all around as men raced for their horses and women darted for the safety of their homes. I just caught a glimpse of the flashy, red and purple tunic belonging to the sheriff as we dashed into the trees. I knew his men would be behind him. But just as the riders prepared to urge their horses after us, a shout came from the other side of the square. Another small group came galloping through, once again throwing confusion as the flustered men tried to decide who to chase. I heard the sound of another group dashing off in yet another direction as the five of us plunged deeper into the forest. If we couldn’t win by strength or number, we could always win by wits.

We continued to plunge deeper into the forest until we could no longer hear the noise of the riot. Once we made sure we weren’t being followed, we slowed our horses to a trot. I took a deep breath and lifted my face to the leafy roof over our heads, formed by trees growing close together. Sunlight filtered through the leaves onto my face. I could smell the musty smell of the forest, rotting wood and fresh crisp leaves and soft spring mud. I felt the corners of my mouth form into a smile.

I heard the clip of a horses hooves coming up beside me. I reluctantly opened my eyes and turned my face toward the sound.

“Oh, hello Kait.” I gave her a genuine smile. Kaitrinn was one of the few people who could make me crack a grin.

“Good day, Gwen! How have you been?” She gave me a bright smile and a wink. Her hand went up to tear off her cap, which she stuck through the rope belt tied around her tunic. She shook her head, sending vibrant, red curls cascading over her shoulders.

“Not much, really.” I leaned forward in my saddle to run a hand down Hawk’s flank, his sleek black coat damp with sweat and warm from the sun. “Just a swordfight or two, grabbed a few gold tankards and a good sized bag of coins, organized 50 people and got them all out safe….like I said, not much.” I straightened and rolled up the sleeves on my loose, doe-colored top.

Kaitrinn laughed. “That sounds relaxing!” She was from Runebrook, miles away, and had a unique, lilting accent that made every word sound special when it came out of her mouth. “I was busy, too. Not much, just discovering…this.” Her hand slipped into the bag strapped to her saddle and emerged holding the most beautiful dagger I had ever seen.  I almost fell off my horse.

“Kaitrinn, what do you have?” I said breathlessly.

Her brow wrinkled. “I’m sorry, is something wrong? I thought it was rather nice, but �"“

“Just let me see it, please?” My heart was thumping uncontrollably, and I couldn’t explain why. The weapon was beautiful, but only a solitary ruby adorned the gold handle. I had seen diamond encrusted handles inlaid with more rubies and emeralds than contained in the royal crown. Something about the elegant piece drew me to it, though, made my heart race and my hands tremble. As soon as I took it from Kaitrinn’s hands, I knew for sure it was something special.

On the handle were raised figures, and after gently running my fingers over them, I recognized the strange characters as Rabeten letters. Rabet was an ancient language that had been used by royalty for hundreds of years. Only the highest ranking officials in the palace and the King himself knew how to read it. Every time a new King took the throne he was trained in this secret language, which marked valuable items, as well as serving as a secret code. I could see now that the ruby was of exquisite quality, large and expertly cut, and that the gold was ornately engraved with swirls and scrolls.

“Where did you find this?” I asked, my mind spinning.

“Well, that’s the thing! It was strange, Gwenyth, which is why I remember it so clearly.” Kait’s eyes widened behind her scarlet curls. “I went into this house behind a bakery. There wasn’t much there and the household didn’t seem wealthy, so I left through the back door. On my way out, I tripped over this. It was just lying in the dirt, which is a shame for such a lovely thing.”

The dagger was not what I would call lovely. Elegant, maybe. Striking, definitely. Hauntingly beautiful.  I was completely clueless to how this treasure had shown up on the ground. I tucked it into my saddlebag and turned my gaze forward. But I didn’t forget about the dagger that seemed to be burning a hole through the saddlebag into my leather breeches.

We pulled our horses to stop in front of a dense patch of pine trees. It stretched out like a wall, and the brambly, crowded mess looked impossible to navigate through.  I used my reins to turn Hawk’s head and guided him along the side of the impenetrable hedge, with the other four horses following close behind. After walking along for a few moments, I sharply turned my horse and ducked my head as we plunged into the thick foliage. I felt sharp pine needles brushing my head and face and smelled the strong smell of sap, and then nothing but cool air. I opened my eyes and guided Hawk down the long tunnel, carefully cut through the tress. Turning back, I watched Kaitrinn, Swallow, Quinn, and quiet Alys push their way through the thin layer of branches concealing the tunnel from the outside.

I urged Hawk into a trot, and we burst out the other side of the tunnel into a large clearing. The thick hedge that we had just come through encircled the entire clearing, acting like wall surrounding our forest fortress. We were home at last; Foresthenge.

I swung my leg over Hawk’s back and landed on the ground with a sigh of relief. I joined the other girls in a long stretch before I signaled them to begin unstrapping the cloth bundles tied securely to the saddles. We had been at this for only a moment when we heard hoof beats coming through the secret tunnel. Placing my fingers in my mouth, I gave a shrill whistle, which was answered with another one exactly like it. A small group of young women cantered into the clearing, led by a slender, willowy girl, about 19 years of age, with fine, wavy hair that fell like curtain down her back and almost to her knees. As soon as she dismounted, I walked over and gave her a quick hug.

“Any unusual report, Jayn?” Unable to have my hands idle for long, I began yanking on the knot that held a cotton bag to her saddle. As I continued to tug on the stubborn knot, I glanced up at her big, pale blue eyes.

“No, everything went very smoothly.” She smiled at me, her practiced and graceful hands automatically reaching behind her and beginning to plait her blond mane into a smooth braid. I lifted my own rough hands and ran my fingers through my short, choppy, chestnut colored  hair, which I thought was much more practical. I couldn’t get over the mental picture of tripping over a river of hair as I struggled to dart around in a sword fight. How Jayn managed it amazed us all.

The previously silent clearing was now a buzz of activity as bags were unloaded and horses were unsaddled, fed, and watered. In the center of foresthenge was charred pit where we made our fire. Scattered on the pine needle-carpeted ground around the fire pit were multiple cloth tents. One tent was referred to as the armory, and it housed all of our weapons. Another tent was the supply tent, which was stocked full of tunics, breeches, boots, gloves, and other articles of clothing, as well as other assorted supplies, such as telescopes, compasses, and pouches. Across the clearing was the repair tent, full of cloth and leather, awls and laces, wood and nails, all piled neatly in various corners of the tent and on the roughhewn worktable. Off in the trees was a small tent with an awning that extended and acted as a shelter for the horses if there was bad weather. Horse feed and tack was also kept in the tent, unless it was being shined or repaired in the workshop. Most of the food was stored in a root cellar a short distance into the trees, but we did have a kitchen tent equipped with a makeshift, mud oven and hooks to dry meat from. We were all proud of our little city, which ran like clockwork with everyone knowing their tasks and working together.

At this very moment a pile of cloth bags was growing in the center of camp. A few girls started pulling up benches and opening the bags, ready to sort through the contents. Useable weapons would be set aside, polished, and kept in the armory. Coins would be counted out, placed into pouches, and set aside until we could start our complicated process of turning the shiny gold coins, sure to arise suspicion, into smaller, common coins. This would be accomplished by exchanging the coins with our “smuggling contact,” a good friend named Gavin, for smaller currency. He would have no trouble using the gold; his contacts were with the smugglers who brought illegal cargo in and out on their ships, who could assume the money had been stolen and care less.  The smaller coins would be used to buy any supplies we needed, and then the rest of the money would be distributed to the poor villages around. It was like the age old legend of Robin Hood �" rob from the rich, give to the poor.

Quinn was the next to arrive, leading her group of five. The rest of us let up a shout of greeting and ran to unload the bags from saddles.  The sorting process was in full swing now, and weapons were already being taken to the armory to be polished and put away until the next raid. Every once and a while someone would pull out a piece of jewelry, or a silver trencher, and then everyone would have to admire it and inspect it before it was carefully stowed away. These pieces would be sold; oftentimes to the people they were originally stolen from. When one of the shady characters that Gavin recruited came knocking and offered to restore their lost items �" for a price �" most people didn’t ask questions.

I turned and did a quick count of the girls milling around the camp like busy ants. There were seven missing. Kaitrinn tugged my hair playfully as she walked by with an armful of brocade fabric, and I turned to intercept her.

“Gail hasn’t come back yet?” I asked. “She had six girls with her. Have you seen them?”

Kait’s mouth twisted up to the side as she thought. “I guess not. She’ll be alright, Gwenyth. Probably just got hung up in the woods, lame horse or something. Give the whistle when she arrives!” Unconcerned, Kaitrinn briskly continued on her way to the supply tent.

I shrugged off my concern and starting walking into toward the repair tent. I had broken the laces on one of my boots and had been forced tied it in a clumsy knot. It needed repaired, but right before I reached the tent, I remembered the dagger in my saddlebag.

You’re a halfwit, Gwenyth. I berated myself as I ran toward the stable, where many of the horses used in the raid were already being untacked and wiped down. Dodging people and ducking through tents, I arrived breathless at the canvas “stable”. Some horses were standing contentedly under the awning that stretched out from the tent, and others were happily milling about the trees, ripping up mouthfuls of grass. I saw Hawk’s shiny coat behind a pine tree and as he stepped out into view I saw that he wasn’t wearing a saddle. With an exasperated sigh, I turned around and ducked into a shady tent. A ruddy-faced girl was hoisting saddles onto crudely crafted stands, and Alys, the shy girl who had ridden back with my group after the raid, was polishing bridles. They both gave me nods and smiles and then returned to their work. Squinting in the dim tent, I passed rows of saddle stands before I found my own saddle.

The dark leather on the saddle had been polished until shiny and the fading blue fabric on the seat had been brushed clean. “Fine job!” I called out, trying to disguise my visit as a simple check on their work. While I was complimenting them, I slipped my hand into the saddlebag until I felt cool metal. I slipped out the dagger and had it in my pouch in the blink of an eye, unnoticed by the girls, who were absorbed in their work and only vaguely acknowledging my presence.  I darted out of the tent into the now setting, evening sun.

I was just turning toward the woods, looking for a safe place to further inspect the dagger, when I heard a commotion from the camp. Gail must have arrived. I spun around to look for a hiding place, and finally stashed it clumsily under a bush next to the base of a tree before turning toward camp.

Gail was there alright, basking in glory as everyone patted her on the back and bustled excitedly around her group. Soon I saw why; a large deer was being dragged behind the horses. We would eat well tonight!

The ropes that had been used to drag the deer were cut, and a few girls started dragging it away to skin it. Gail stood over the whole operation like a general in charge of an army. She had a strong stance, with her feet shoulder width apart, her head high, arms crossed, and shoulders squared. She could kill a grown man with her bare hands, and she wouldn’t be afraid to do it.

“Well done,” I said, nodding at the deer. Gail grunted happily.

“Everyone accounted for?” she finally asked as the deer was dragged out of sight.

“You were the last one in!” I answered.

Gail was never chatty, so after another moment of silence I gave her a hearty clap on the back and headed toward the scent of roasting venison floating up from the fire.

We had venison stew with carrots, potatoes, and onions, and thick slabs of dark bread that night around the fire. Sitting around the fire, letting our food settle, staring up contentedly at the stars, I suddenly remembered the dagger clumsily hidden in the bush . Jumping up quickly, I mumbled some excuse about using the bathroom and started briskly toward the woods. I passed a chest, partially hidden in a deep hole and covered with branches, that contained the other treasures we would sell. The dagger should be in there, with the trenchers and jewelry and silver candlesticks. But my instincts told me the dagger was something to special to let fall into the wrong hands. And my instincts were seldom wrong.

I grabbed the dagger from under the bush and started off at a quick jog toward the stream. I found what I was looking for: a hollow tree next to the water. I tucked the weapon, wrapped in my pouch, deep inside the tree. By the time I made my way back to camp, Jayn had was holding her lute (one of the prettier things we had found on a raid) on her lap and gently strumming chords. Quinn noticed and dashed to a tent to grab her flute made out of a reed. The loud laughter and chatter around the fire stopped as everyone turned to watch them. Jayn began to pick out a tune, her long fingers plucking the strings faster and faster until a quick song was dancing through the air. Quinn’s flute chimed in, and then a tambourine. Before long, voices joined in with the words of a well-known ballad.

We were warm and cheerful by the fire and the night air beyond was cold and foreboding, but after another hour of singing and laughing, we knew that it was time to leave while the moon was high in the sky. It was impossible for all of us to live at the camp. We had contacts with young women living all over Cockelenberg Island. Many villagers, servants, and shopkeepers were involved in the complex network that made up our group.  We had discovered through the years that being a female had many advantages in our sort of work, as ladies were incredibly underestimated and never suspected after a raid had taken place. The sheriff and his men had spent the last several years searching for the group of men responsible for all the trouble, when the real troublemakers were always right under their noses, polishing their trenchers and mending their clothes and sweeping their floors. We remained undercover by placing ourselves right out in the open and the marvelousness of it all is that no one ever suspected a thing.

The fire was only smoldering now, and almost everybody had disappeared into the forest for the long ride home, where they would continue living their normal lives until they received a coded message that would bring them back to Foresthenge.

For now it was just our cozy little band of five; myself, Gail, Jayn, Quinn, and Kaitrinn. We could manage fairly well on our own, with the rest of our girls readily available throughout the kingdom. Gail was the expert on all things weaponry, so she kept our skills sharp with archery and fencing drills. Quinn was the jack of all trades: she was smart as a whip, the mastermind behind most of our plans, could rig up complex traps, and was remarkably quick on her feet.  Kaitrinn was our cook by popular vote and could ride a horse unlike anyone I’d ever seen.  Jayn was always sewing, repairing, cleaning or organizing something, and I held us all together like glue and managed our contacts with the other maidens and all the people who were part of our complex “rob from the rich and give to the poor” scheme.

We didn’t talk much once the camp was empty. Gail kicked dirt on to the fire while Quinn made sure the leftover venison was suspended high above the ground in its canvas sack. I strapped my knife into its sheath and tucked it under my leg where it was easy to reach. Then I rolled up my cloak as a pillow, stared up contentedly at the stars, and before I knew it morning had arrived. And a large crashing sound brought me springing from the ground.

Author's Note

I desperately want critiquing ;) My sister and friends are eating up this story, but I need so good, thoughtful opinions from writers like myself! I especially want to know how the story reads as a whole. What parts are too slow, too fast, not enough description, too much description. Thank you! I take criticism well :)

Reviews

[Missphit]

First I would like to comment on your correct usage of equestrian knowledge. I grew up on a horse ranch and it bugs the hell out of me when people write a book using horses and say we rode over and over again. Your use of trot, canter etc. was delightfully refreshing. I love the all girl Robin Hood clan theme and you have an excellent story line going here.
At first I didn't like the fact that their entire faces were covered yet she stuck out her tongue, seemed childish but as I read on and got through more of the story it became a bit whimsical which actually helped the story in the end.
I also like that the Sherriff is on the hunt for men and that each of your characters have such a unique personality, that makes and will make for an extremely interesting read.
You have several things going for you at this point.
Your first chapter is gripping and exciting and extremely descriptive.
You have excellent form and delivery
You have limitless options as to where you can go with this piece
You have plenty of time to truly focus on each individual character and put them in the spotlight
You are a very clever writer and from what I am gathering you are a young writer with an extreme talent and a natural gift and it is not easy to come by that these days. You have very minimal grammar errors so I was able to read the story with ease, and I believe you should continue writing every day if time allows it. I have been writing for over thirty years now and I try to write a little every day. You really have something here! Bravo!!

[Taylorgwebb]

I totally agree with benefit of equestrian knowledge, it is vital to truly understand every part of your story in-depth, because someone out there does, and a lot of things like this are make-or-break for some readers. I also think you should work toward writing consistently, and consistently improving your writing skills and knowledge base, you have a leg-up on other writers talent-wise, all you need is commitment.

[OctoberBaby]

You have no idea how much this encouraged me. I've been considering dropping this project: now I definitely won't be! Thank you so, so much. I will post the second chapter right away now :) I have never thought of myself as inherently "talented"...this just made my day and gave my confidence a huge boost ) Thanks again!

[OctoberBaby]

Oh, and yes, I am a horseback rider and I'm delighted by the fact that you could tell :) I love horses ;) ♥

[DaughterNature]

Ha, this is great! I actually used to think about an idea like this, but you are doing a great job with it. I think the twist is an excellent one to explore. I have only read the first bit, but I have some suggestions about the opening sword fight: if you're writing about a fight, the more detailed language you use, the more believable it is (this might require some research, but we have to write what we know!). Secondly, in a fight, a character's thoughts would be a lot more active (try using stronger verbs than "was"), and the thoughts would probably be a lot shorter, so try cutting the sentence lengths! Finally, when Quinn appears, if your first-person narrator knows she's a girl, it is confusing for the narrative voice to introduce Quinn as a boy and then later reveal she's a girl. But nice job, I'll read more!

[OctoberBaby]

HUGE thanks for all the feedback! I am really excited to start making this better ;)
Right now, I'm swamped with school work. I'm homeschooled, but I'm taking a few college classes online this year, along with my normal school work. It's a lot, so I have limited time to write.
So, right now my priority is just cranking out material. I want to get this whole story down on paper before I go back and start revising too much. My plan is to try to finish Chapter 3 (which was going to be two seperate chapter that I decided to combine) and post that on here. Then, I'm going to come back and revise this a little bit. Using suggestions from your reviews, here is what I'm going to change:
1. Time to do some research and refine that combat scene.
2. Make the "gender reveal" more clear and more "dramatic".
3. Rework a few things to keep my pacing throughout the chapter.
4. Make sure to define my characters, keep interactions between them interesting. Who gets along? Who doesn't?
I'll try to make those revisions soon. Thanks!

[Aarea]

I love it!!!!!!!!!! This is great writing, very impressive. It was like I was reading a professional book! I love how you make all your girls work together in harmony and that you described their camp and what they did. A few suggestions, though.
Number one I thought of was, why did Gail randomly decide to go hunting? Or did the deer cross their paths and they decided to chase it? Not really important to the story, just a side thought.
Number two. These are girls. They usually have a little drama. Is there a girl in the group that doesn't really get along with anyone, is snobby and annoying? I just was wondering, as drama like that usually adds quite a bit to the story.
Number three. This chapter was a little long for me, but that is just me.
Number four. Your story is great! I love how you brought in the dagger at the very beginning for us to wonder about. Most writers have zero suspense or intrigue or anything. I like how you write, it is a great idea. Keep going with it!

[OctoberBaby]

Thanks you very much :) :)
Gail going hunting was kind of a sloppy filler I put in....I probably need to revise it. Basically, I wanted to have time to describe all the girls briefly as they rode into camp, but I wanted a break between the "introductions" to allow Gwenyth to hide her dagger. Maybe there's a better way to do it.....i just thought that they spotted the deer and decided to veer off path to hunt it down.
The girl drama is coming ;) I think they're all pretty good friends; they kind of have to be to keep each other alive. Usually the girl drama starts when there's a boy involved, which starts to happen in Chapter 2. I'm working on Chapter 3 right now, and things are already starting to heat up a bit ;)
My writing tends to be on the long side ;) I'm long winded. :)
Oh, thank you so much! I notice that a lot of writing is just "here's what happened." I'm only 16, and I'm tired of boring teen fiction. I really want to write some more suspensefull, interesting, clean material for kids my age :) I have my plot all drawn out for this book, and I think it's going to be fun :)
Thank you so much for the review! Very helpful. Please read my second chapter, as well! I hope to have Chapter 3 up soon!

[Taylorgwebb]

Very cool idea, I suggest reading other Robin Hood variations to get a good sense of the lore and cannon surrounding the story, and I look forward to seeing how you deal with it. After reading I have a few points that I hope you'll find helpful...
The combat scene at the beginning draws the reader in, but it needs the finesse of real practical knowledge about combat and combat writing, a solid challenge to improve your writing.
The big reveal that the companion is a female needs a little bit of work, it is a little awkward and confusing to re-arrange the pronouns in that way and needs to be done expertly in order to work. There seems to be a formatting or editing problem where double quotes appear: [...his " rather "her" " shoulders...]
The chapter devolves from an (excellent) action scene into more-or-less pure exposition, which might have the effect of getting the reader over-excited only to be plunged into relatively dry background.
There are a few other minor errors, the phrase is "once IN a while," for example, but other than that the writing is very good.
I really like the Robin Hood set-up, there is always good humour and lively storytelling juxtaposed with important and timeless social commentary, but it is an accessible enough story that it will be an excellent early endeavour for you.
I really look forward to reading more in this story, and I hope my dry, practical review doesn't come across as too critical, I love it!

[OctoberBaby]

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I have been dying for a real writer's perspective and some constructive criticism. My dear sister is almost TOO supportive of my work ;) I know that this is something I need in order to grow in my skill!

I agree one hundred percent about the combat scene. I have very little knowledge of actual swordplay. Hopefully someday I will have a chance to extend my knowledge!

Good point about the reveal. Considering that is such a main point in the story, I will definitely be rewriting this portion. Thanks for bringing it to my attention!

I tend to struggle with finding ways to integrate background into a fast moving plot. I want to slow down, make sure everything is clear, and then continue with the story. This is something I am always working on and hope will improve with time. Please continue to point out areas where this is happening!

Thank you so much :) Your review was very helpful and actually encouraging!

[Hatchling]

Amazing write! I can't wait to see what happens next. Keep up the good work

[OctoberBaby]

Thank you so much! I'll post Chapter 2 soon now ;)

[Hatchling]

You're welcome