Hello, dear.

I wish I could let her read it.

 

M outhing words inside my brain. Sweat drips down my forehead in dread. I’m such a
            mistake. Could you take it all away? But even if you can’t…

E yes the size of golf balls. What did I do to deserve your adoration? I didn’t know I was

            capable of such a thing.

L istening to your voice is a certain pleasure that I can’t describe. I can’t describe that

            comfort you provide.

I watch you. You above all the crowd. You are the beauty in an ugly world.

 

S ilence over takes me. There’s no words for the thoughts, so overwhelming.

 

S cenes passing. Time running across my fingers, but I can’t feel it. I can’t feel anything             

            but these words. And I doubt anything else exists.

A sking you to be mine would be a selfish request, but I find I’m a little more selfish than

            would have hoped… Will you be my girlfriend?

Reviews

[Satine]

This is a terrific, sweetly done Acrostic, my favorite lines would be;

"I'm such a
mistake. Could you take it all away? But even if you can't�"

AND

"Time running across my fingers, but I can't feel it. I can't feel anything
but these words. And I doubt anything else exists."

The tone of the piece is humble but not subservient, loving but not trite. If I could offer any advice I might want to see an equally terrific ending as opposed to;

"A sking you to be mine would be a selfish request, but I find I'm a little more selfish than
would have hoped� Will you be my girlfriend?"

I think perhaps you've left out a word? "than " I " would have hoped..." Also the question could be a bit more elegantly phrased yet match the humble tone? Such as;

"Will you be my Melissa?"

Just a thought.

Satine

[GBU POETRY ONLY]

Great opening line, Ms. October ... "Hello, dear" is a sweet playful poem
full of charm & yearning. I love the E, L & I verses especially ..
Thanks for sharing!
GBU

[Vanessa]

How sweet of a poem.
I truely never liked these types, but you've made me see that it can work out, when turned about by the correct arrangements of words.
Great poem.

--vk