You have got me surronded.

 

Give me another reason.

Tell me it’s easy.

Because I’m racing faster,

Braking harder.

Steering into nothing.

I’m the bug on the wind shield.

It doesn’t matter if I die tonight.

 

You remind me of those summer nights.

When everything was almost right.

You still remind me of home,

You still make me feel less alone.

 

I’m racing against traffic.

Breaking apart what keeps me grounded.

And you’re in my hair, my ear,

My clothes, my mind.

You’ve got me surrounded.

I’m the fly that hit the wind shield tonight.

It doesn’t matter if I live or die.

Only if you’re alright.

 

You’re smile is crippling.

You’re eyes make me drown.

I hit the gas. I’m going down.

And when I see you cry,

I can feel it in my gut.

It makes the past feel like a

Paper cut.

 

The sky fades to gray.

A few hours until a new day.

I clinch my heart between my teeth.

Swallow the beats,

The veins that bleed.

A million unspoken words,

And the smell of your sister’s shampoo,

These are the things that remind me of you.

 

I’ll be the spot on the wind shield.

A misfortune of the breeze.

I’ll be the self-sacrifice.

Suicide without a name.

It doesn’t matter if I die tonight.

Just tell me you’ll be alright.

Reviews

[Vanessa]

I really like this one.
In fact, it gives me a picture, although it may not be what the story is about, of two people in a car at night. And just outside of the window of their car are the rolling plains of.... Pennsylvania. Like I said, I know that the deeper meaning is not that of someone in a car.... but for some strange reason, that is the picture that comes to mind when I read this.

Once more, great poem.

-Vannie Lou (Vanessa)

[Oz]

Each line is quite powerful and communicates well your message without sacrificing poetic imagery. Nice job on the writing and syntax.

It's quite a thing to feel 'surrounded' by someone...where every little thing reminds you of them...this piece resonates with me.

Your poem communicates a selfless love among all the fast moving imagery and metaphors. Great job!

-Oz

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

fantastic piece... to care more bout your loved ones then your self is the most noble thing in the world... your words are filled with such thoughtful compassion.

[An owl on the moon]

Powerful and hard-hitting line-by-line. Filled with such vivid imagery (I clinch my heart between my teeth), your words paint a most moving scene. Brilliant!