Silver Sun

I question my absurdity in 

Questioning you. I cannot help but

To quiver and clench in 

Iron-weighted pain.

Lukewarm water stars fall

Against butter-kissed cheeks

And  my sickness only just

Resists the urge to die.

It has been long since I last

Felt this. Do not leave me

Open to the elements. It is a 

Pallid disease, as your notions are

Entirely pure. 

With each of the same sound

I bristle. I scramble to meet my 

Reflection, and purse my lips

For you to kiss. And yet,

Meet they will never do.

I must leave you impressed.

And I will leave your mind

When broad skies are neon

And the sun is silver.

Reviews

[Yasmin]

Beautiful!
Well done :)

[Vertigoingnowhere]

wow this is amazing very nicly done :)

[Just Jayren]

You've written this really well and the structure fits the words perfectly

[THE MAKER OF BUBBLES]

Not as good as a peanut butter, banana and cucumber sandwich, but a very close 2nd.

[Crow]

This is ingrained in my psyche, for I feel this is not so obvious as to be of true love.

It gives me impresions of a transference in time, a passing of something in celestial origins. A natural warm light, to a more subdued light.

I truly enjoyed this piece, thank you!

[Dove]

This is very interesting but i did enjoy reading it, good job.

[Caradoc]

Interesting. When I read this the first thing that popped into my head was Narcissus, who longed for his own reflection. Of course in another vein it could be about the narrator's desire to be the person they see in their reflection; someone far better than they really are.

Either way something about it piques my interest. I think I like it.

[J.e.s.s.i.c.a]

I really love this. For me, it seems to be all about the subtlety and and bold, unique expressions. This is fantastic.

[KATHY SUE SILLS]

Great show of your emotions!

[Richard Williams]

Some very nice phrases, like }Iron-weighted pain" and "butter-kissed cheeks." Good word choices and structure.