The perfect crime

Somethings not right
my eyes are closed
and yet im falling
im lost
and I cannot see
there is no light
only darkness resides in my heart
somethings not right
my eyes are open and yet im crawling
searching for the light
beckoning for the sun
with my tongue
like a man dying of thirst in an ocean of  sand   
darkness inside like the cold night outside
no escape or cozy warmth
from my villanious escapades
only darkness,
red rain drops reflect off knives
even when the moon moves the tides
and the sun shines high in the sky
crimson sunsets
is this god
is this satan
is this karma
conseqences of a perfect crime
like a high
glimpses of light used to show
like the morning sunrise in my mind
when I dawned the darkness  
doing my dirty deed as the sun sets
and finishing before the morning sun rose
doping, hoping for the light of day
for freedom and warmth and peace of mind
hoping
for the real not the cold spacious false lights of the night
only darkenss presides
less and less glimpes of light
only hues of gray
no shadows
as I live on
                 alone
and yet surrounded
                              binded, bound, and shackled to my crimes and sins
barring me from making any bridges
I know I am wrong
i live on in fear of getting caught
for I cannot stop
from that first orgasmic carefully placed insertion of a knife into my victim silently in the night 
down to my very last breath
I am watching my steps,
staring over my shoulder
Somethings Not right
im fall
          ing
               on my own knife
im lost
looking into the                    barrel of my own gun
is this god
is this satan
karma?
heaven
im falling
             hell
im lost
gun shoots , air cracks, bullets flies , brain splatters
life flashes, tears fall , im human after all, im so sorry
I guess the perfect crime is no crime at all
I heard someone say once that everyones crazy in the head , but the crazy ones do what they think in there heads
but I don't regret it, I only feel sorrow for my plight  
as my eye lids harden and weigh heavy on my soul
in death I hope to find repentance , salvation
          an escape
in hell one day maybe I will see the light
but somethings wrong
because there is no escape and I knew that but its already to late
I'm
like the universe ever contracting and expanding
    exploding and imploding
but mortal
             this wound is fatal
im falling
im lost
                                I just wanted to get away
but im shackled in life and death to my sins ,
even in my last moments as my life flashes before my eyes
         even in death