Keeping a Secret (S.A. Related)

Laying in bed, struggling to sleep, my phone goes off. The man I love lays next to me breathing into my neck fast asleep. I’m being held onto tight like I’m a stuffed animal. I have a sudden thirst so try my best to shimmy out of his arms only for him to groan and grip me tighter.

 

“Where are you going?” He slurs out, barely awake.

 

“I need water,” I whisper back. After that, it takes him a minute to loosen his grip enough for me to get up.

 

“Come back soon.” This is the response I get before he drifts off again.

 

I’m naked so grab one of his shirts that’s big enough to cover me, in case his roommate is up. Going downstairs I see the living room light is on and hear two guys having a conversation. Alex, the roommate and what sounds to be a friend of his named Mike. I try to sneak by the kitchen unnoticed. I grab a bottle of water from the fridge and then nearly scream when I close the door.

 

“Where are your clothes princess?” Mike asks while grinning and closing in on me, gliding a hand up my thigh.

 

“I’m covered. I couldn’t sleep and was thirsty so I came down for some water. I’m going back up to bed.” I explained to him and then he pins me against the counters.

 

“So soon? Do you think I’ll let you go back up there after teasing me like this? I don’t think so.” My anxiety wakens and I enter fight or flight mode.

 

“First, I didn’t know you were here. And second, even if I did, I would never tease you.” He grips my throat at that moment and then forces a couple of his fingers inside me.

 

“Now, now. There’s no need to lie. I have let you tease me for far too long. You know what happens to a tease right?” He yanks his fingers out of me and then roughly turns me around. I'm frozen in place. None of the words I’m screaming in my head are able to escape my lips and my body is so tense I can’t move. He puts his hand over my nose and mouth so that I can’t breathe.

 

“Keep your f*****g mouth shut. This is your chance at free drugs. I get to f**k you whenever I want in exchange for them and to keep you from snitching on me. This will be our dirty little secret, got it?” I nod, just wanting to breathe again.

 

“Good answer.” He says while letting go of me, leaving me gasping for air. I hear a belt and zipper come undone behind me and try to move this time but fail. He grips my hair and pins my face down against the cold countertop. I lay there motionless, the only thing I can do is cry as he has his way with me. I feel a quick sensation of pain as he makes his way inside of me. I try to scream but he puts a hand over my mouth to stop it from coming out.

 

“Mike, what the f**k are you doing man?” Alex asks, rushing into the kitchen.

 

“No worries man, she asked for this with all the teasing she’s been doing. Hey, do me a solid and grab a syringe from my bag? I have a full one that’s calling her name. Shoot her up with it yeah?” Alex’s mouth dropped open in shock.

 

“Do you just carry already made-up syringes around for things like this?” Mike grunts, thrusting into me hard.

 

“Don’t ask questions, just do it.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Alex whispers while watching Mike do unforgivable things to me. He leaves the room then comes back a minute later, syringe in hand. I try to fight him off but he’s stronger than me, keeping my arm pinned while he does what he was told. Alex apologizes again and I hear Mike laugh.

 

“Oh f**k, don’t listen to him. He’s not sorry because if he was he wouldn’t have easily given in to my request.”

 

Once Mike finishes I fall to the ground, feeling too numb to walk. The drugs and the fear have me completely out of it. Mike leaves a few minutes later and Alex half drags me up the stairs, leaving me there to crawl the rest of my way. I stumble into the bed slightly waking Jay. Luckily I’m too high to cry so he’ll just think I’m tired.

 

“You were gone a long time Angel.” He points out while wrapping his arm around me tight like a stuffed animal.

 

“I was talking to Alex for a bit.” He breathes out a “Hm” before falling into a sleep state yet again. Before I fall asleep as well I think about what Mike said. I’m not sure how I feel about keeping a secret. Especially a secret like that. Such a dirty secret tucked far away from the man I love. If he ever finds out, it’ll kill him. And thinking about that hurts me more than what happened to me earlier. I don’t even care about getting free drugs, or drugs in general. But now I have to protect him by keeping this awful secret from him.

Author's Note

TW: Sexual Assault