Go Unheard (Part 3) The secret that I keep

Continuation of the serial killer tale.

Prison is filled with those with no soul.
Entangling the mind
The child within
Is who takes the toll.

The priest before me
Wishes to take my confession
Asking why did I
Turn death into an Obsession

I tell him the secret that I keep
I only took the women
Not to fill my desire
But to hold me as I weep.

Why didn’t  they behave?
Only care for their tears
And not mine
To which I am a slave.


I took them to calm the voices in my head
Selfish w****s
They refused to open their hearts
So I opened them to death instead.

I would look into their lifeless stare
I am reminded of my mother
About when I was attacked, and her words.
“I do not care”

Now the Priest’s picture is clear to see
In through all my life
There was nothing there to
Protect me.

He offers me
The lord’s guiding light
Why ? So he could sleep better
Thinking his god is right?

I ask him how is his god fair?
Knowing all that I went through
All his followers can do to teach me how wrong
It is to kill someone, is to give me the chair?

If you really want to find peace in your head
Ask your foolish God to send you
Back in time
And put you in my place instead.

He gets up to leave,
Soon it is time for this dog to be fed.
I tell him that I will see him in the darkness
I will make sure to visit him in his dreams
Long after I am dead.

Because when you dream
You speak not a word.
When I am killing you
Your screams will go unheard.

Author's Note

How do you think the story is coming along?

Reviews

[LadyNaida]

Wow very dark and grueling.

[Calypso]

Very good. From the title of the poem I guess this has many parts. Have you made the poems into a book? Who ever the killer is he seems cold hearten, which is good if you want your character to be good. Great job.

[Passingdaze]

You're talented. You should try to get published man

[Rick Puetter]

Dear Shayne,

This is a very interesting and compelling write. The writing is rough in a few places, and I like this because it is in keeping with the rough character of the main character. And the theme is marvelous. This is an angry, sad to the point of not caring, individual. There are no feelings left for others or for God either. There are only tears and these tears are to be shared as he kills his victims. An absolutely wonderful description of the serial killer's view on life. And having this all couched in a discussion with a priest is inspired.

Wonderful write. Congratulations. High marks!

Best regards,

Rick

[Rachel]

O.O I'm liking this person more and more...Goodjob. *flicks back to requests to get the next installlllllment.*

[Jonathan]

thats pretty damned good if u ask me... keep itup

[PaperHearts]

Absolutely amazing! This makes me shiver and shudder, but nonetheless, I keep reading. :P The serial killer in your story is very intriguing, and as I keep reading, I start to discover more about who he is, as opposed to what he's done. I find that as I learn more, the dimensions of your story seem to multiply, making it a very complex and emotional read. I also like the reoccuring last line of 'Your screams will go unheard'. Nice work,
~PaperHearts

[BloodRED6203]

I really like it. Im usually not too dark of a person. But this story/poem i really like it. It could be a really good movie. I mean if you add some details other than the emotions. But i like what your doing with it.

[Stephen Scaggs]

Dear Mr. Harnden,

Let me point out first of all that this story is coming quite well together and is unique. I've never really read poems that have related well together. As I dive into this piece, I'd like to first point out something that could use some work: the flow. But after that, there is nothing really that distracts my eye as I read. "Prison is filled with those with no soul. Entangling the mind; the child within is who takes the toll." These lines, though your first, are my favorite. Very in depth and leaves a lot of room for thought. Your key feature in your writings is your ability to express how you want to express with a limited vocabulary (since this is a story of sorts.) Anyways, I appreciate your read request. Kudos. 8.5/10.

Sincerely,
S. W. Scaggs

[Emily Quinn]

love all your poetry, and especially love how you have turned "Go Unheard" into a collection, compiling to create a story. Very creative and this story is progressing beautifully. You are showing many different aspects and sides to the person and his reasoning. great job