Dysphoria Sucks

Ew, my body is gross

The shower used to be a place where I could escape the world. 

But now its just a place where I see myself for who I am.

I see my body.

Its disgusting.

I have parts I don't want, and the parts I want aren't there.

When did I ever ask for b***s?

I don't want them.

I want a flat chest.

And don't even get me started on vaginas.

I'm a boy....on his period!

The f**k?

Each day I pray to God that I wake up in a male body, and each day God fails me.

I want to bind. But I have no access to one.

But instead I settle for a too-small sports bra.

It painfully pushes against my chest. 

Sometimes it hurts to breathe.

But it makes my chest flatter so its good enough for me. But is it really?

Until the day that I have top surgery, and I can walk around shirtless...

Nothing will ever be enough for me.

Author's Note

Honestly, this isn't even a good description of how I feel but I'm really angry right now for some reason, so I needed to vent.