Loving You

I wonder if being with you
Is a gift forever?
Will it be snatched away
Like a child playing a cruel prank?
Will it bloom
Like the most beautiful flower in springtime?
Will it die like the last
Hopeful flame in a cold furnace?
I know that loving you
Is a gift eternal
Always growing in my heart
It will never be snatched away
It can never die
But will be tended and cultivated
With the utmost care
I realize I may not always be with you
(Though I hope I will)
But I know I will always love you
I have no control over my feelings for you
It gurgles and bubbles like
A new born babe
That loves unconditionally
That trusts wholeheartedly
That needs you desperately

Reviews

[Lyrical Love]

great write...
kudos!

[luthien7]

Impressive work and very touching. Much has already been said below and I agree. I can't see anything in the work i would change -- it has a nice, easy flow and the language is used effectively. it's very mellow, not a passionate expression or one that really seems to question love but is instead an expression of acceptance.
Very nice. Thanks for the read.

[[untitled]]

Very nice. I love the last five lines especially. I think it captures the essence of an baby's complete and total independence on its caretaker. Comparing that to someone who is hopelessly in love is clever.
The first couple lines right away reminded me of Langston Hughes' poem "A Dream Differed" because of some of the wording and tone. (that is one of my fave poems, if ur not familiar check it out) Speaking of tone, is it a melancholy tone or did I read it wrong? Anyway, this is another successful poem.

[nicki_504]

Very impassioned and inspiring, I especially like the use of "babe" in defining the love as unconditional and also to imply the purity of your love. The use of "gurgles and bubbles" is a clever use of assonance and stands out as one of strongest literary devices in the poem. The questioning of your love, though rhetorical, juxtaposes that sense of uncertainty towards this love that you have declared eternal. That you have punctuated the questions that seek to interrogate the truthfulness of your love with bold question marks but have not placed a period at the end of the lines that affirm the longevity of your love, exmplifies just how truly unstable the sentiment of love can be, lacking true conclusion. Love is afterall the greatest of emotions but also largely unpredictable. Truly inspirational.

[Ryan D. Mosley]

Great poem here. I liked comparing the love to all of the different things, and the figurative language was great. It seems like you missed a place or two of punctuation, so you need to go back over it a couple of times.

"Will it be snatched away
Like a child playing a cruel prank?" -absolutely wonderful

"Will it die like the last
Hopeful flame in a cold furnace?"-even greater.


This poem was just so lovely in the way it shows that the love is strong in the end. Overall: Great Job!

Thank you so much for sharing this with me. Please fill free to share any of your writing with me for I will always give you an honest review.

[laceyjane23]

Just wanted to wish you good luck in my contest!
laceyjane

[laceyjane23]

awww i love it!!!! and trust me i have had the same thoughts on love, glad that i have it but still scared that i am going to lose it. great job, and thanks for your review of my piece!
laceyjane