Hate Sonnet # 1

First Sonnet I ever wrote. I also wrote this one in High School but I feel it flows better. I love the ending. :)

Oh, how I hate you, you sinning b*****d!
Your lush lure that seduces your poor prey,
Destroying them while getting them plastered.
All women you destroy without say.
Eternal damnation awaits you now.
Your lavish lifestyle is pointless to me.
You should quite your lavish life, don't you know?
You have mischievously stolen heart keys.
You have misled many people without care.
You gracefully trick the Unknowing men
And you loathingly steal their ladies fair.
You as a guest knowingly trick them then.
Though you lie, they still trust your merit.
You sinning b*****d, the priest, I can't bear it.

Author's Note

I will be rewriting this when I get a chance.

Reviews

[Jarin R. S.]

Rewrites or no, this is still had a powerful story. Poems, or at least most of them, were flown out of either the fingertips or the fountain pens of the world to make the reader think. To take passage over what they just read and de-code it into their own minds and to utilize that in the actual world.

This one, however, has a more personal story about it. Similar to Edgar Allan Poe' poems. You don't walk away with something that you just learned, you walk away with an experience.

A rewrite couldn't hurt, if you feel as though you can do a lot better with the rhythm of this poem. However it's a very interesting concept that definitely sparks my imagination as I read.

[Nyghtmare13]

I feel that it is a powerful poem. I do feel that the rhythm of the poem could use some work, but I will not change the story. Thank you for your review. I am glad that it sparked your imagination and that you enjoyed the experience.

[Nusquam Esse]

Lines 3, 4, 6, 9, 13, and 14 have incorrect syllable counts (either one low or high from a pentameter). You also used quite (don't know if you intended to use quit; although technically both can work). I would recommend trying to avoid repeating lavish twice. Also now vs. know isn't the best rhyme, especially when spoken aloud. I would consider changing one of those lines; if nothing else, because both of them have a large number of better rhymes available. (Btw, I like that you choose Sonnets, I prefer this style most)