My Reason

I cried a lot. I was sad, scared, and completely alone. The possibility of love was never real. Then I met you, and, for once in my life, I wasn't afraid. I wasn't alone.

I cried a lot before I met you. It wasn't just at the things people, or girls, usually cry at. ASPCA videos with Sarah Mclachlan songs, sad stories, stupid videos, death. I even cried at those ridiculous trailers before the movies started just by how emotional I get, where it was happiness or sadness. I would cry from all those things, but I would cry at times that weren't meant to be sad. 

I would cry from the thoughts that no one, not even my friends, would ever love me. I cried while sitting in the middle of class, while eating dinner, in public. I cried while thinking of how I would die; from just the thought of if my death would be an act of god, and act of man, or by my own two hands? I thought of this a lot.

My life was a mess that I didn't know how to fix. All I could do was sit back and watch it fall before my eyes, slowly and painfully. Before there was you, I was alone in this world. I was scared.

Terrified.

Alone.

Now though, now I have nothing to fear. With you by my side, I can face the world. This is the first time I ever felt this way. It frightens me. 

Before you, I let my illness hold me back. I made excuses because I didn't want to get hurt.

Before you, I had anxiety. Depression. Social phobia. Agoraphobia. Insomnia. Before you, I was scared of the world. I couldn't do a single thing without the feeling of the floor falling out from under my feet and the world crumbling. It was safer to not live, then to enjoy life freely.

I almost never left my room; the one safe place I had left.

But, then you came along. You came along, and changed my entire world.

You helped ease my anxiety. You helped lift me from depression. You showed me that people weren't all that scary. You made it possible for me to see the world for it's beauty. You made it possible for me to sleep at night, without a single care.

You made this happen.

Before this, I couldn't live. But with you, I'm alive.

When I hated myself, you loved me. When I fell through the floor, you helped me stand. While I watched my entire world crumble before me, you picked up the pieces. You never blamed me for the times I cried, you never pitied me for being sad, and you never told me to get over it. All you did was hold me close and tell me you loved me.

Even the time I screamed at you, accused you of lying to me, accused you of never really loving me, you still held me; you still told me you loved me.

You promised to never let go.

There are still times that I feel the pain. All my fear that builds and festers within me, trying to convince me none of it's real. That hiding away is the only way for me to stay safe. I will never be free from these feelings. Never be free from the question; why am I still here?

Why am I still here?

Because, you gave me a reason to stay.

I stay because of your love, because of your warmth, I stay because you are still here.

The day you leave this place, this place that is so scary, is the day I lose everything. That is the day I will stop loving.

It may seem strange to others, that I place so much upon your shoulders, but you never cursed me or hated me for it. You silently took my pain and simply kept it. You never threw it in my face, never blamed me for all the trouble I caused. Even when I wished you would blame me for filling your life with hardship and grief, you would simply smile and say you loved me.

No matter how much I wished to keep it far from you, to preserve all of your happiness, you took on the weight of my sorrows so I wouldn't be scared anymore.

So I wouldn't be alone. 

There are no words to describe how you make me feel. How just the thought of you can bring a little happiness to my day. Bring comfort to my nights. Bring peace to my soul.

I use to cry a lot. I would cry at all the normal things, the girly things, that people would cry about. Sad videos, stories, stupid movies, even songs that hit me just the right way. I would cry at all of these, but, I also cried at the special things. The moment after out first meeting, the beautiful night sky during our first date. The first time we held hands, the first time we kissed.

The first time you said "I love you."

Every special moment we shared, every first we had together, and every tear we shed; these are all moments I will never forget. My memory will only hold memories of you. Memories of us.

Even as I lay in your arms, with nothing but the stars cascading light across our room, all I can think of is you. All the sad times, all the silly moments, all the romance. I would never trade any of it for the world.

I can feel myself being lulled to sleep by your soft, even breaths that whisper my name. The rhythmic beating of your heart that belongs only to me. Your arm protectively wrapped around my body, keeping all my demons at bay.

All of me belongs to you, the one who showed me how to live. The one who showed me that I was worth something in this world.

And as my body grows heavy and gives into the need for sleep, I draw closer to your comforting warmth. My heart escaping through whispering lips.

"I love you."

Author's Note

This work is entirely fiction, please do not worry.
I simply wrote this on a whim and decided to post it.
Say whatever you wish about it, I am not under any impression that this is a work of genius or even any good.
It was simply made with pure emotions.