Hopelessness Personified

Written 9.24.13

Trying to remember through the haze is like trying to see through a dense fog with your brights on. The contrast between where you are and where you were is so great that it’s hard to understand - even though you lived it.

 

 

There’s hopelessness. It’s hard to remember hopelessness when you have the hope of Christ. When you know there’s a Comforter and a glorious end to all suffering that comes after a life of picking up your cross and following Jesus. Even I, who lived in a state of hopelessness for years, can’t fully remember what it’s like to be hopeless.

 

Hopelessness; the despair you feel when you have abandoned hope of comfort or success.

Despair; the complete loss or absence of hope.

Abandon; give up completely (a course of action, a practice, or a way of thinking), cease to support or look after (someone); desert.

Hope; a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen, a feeling of trust.

Comfort; a state of physical ease and freedom from pain or constraint., consolation for grief or anxiety.

Success; the accomplishment of an aim or purpose.

 

Hopelessness is the complete loss or absence of a feeling of expectation, desire, and trust that a person has when they have completely given up (ceased to support or look after) the expectation, desire, and trust in any consolation for grief and anxiety (the trust in a state of physical ease and freedom from pain or constraint) as well as having given up the expectation, desire, and trust that they will ever accomplish any aims or purposes.

You know what I remember about feeling hopeless?  Having no expectations. Never caring. Never wanting. Feeling dead. I remember becoming nothing.

 

I was dead. I was nothing.

 

I was hopelessness personified.