Masshiro (Pure White)

This poem captures every essence and aspect of a snowfall.

I shuffled across slickly paved sidewalks cracked and shaded with a variation of white and clear tones
.
The sun was dangling on a string in the sky going back and forth through massive deep gray clouds.

A chilling breeze whispered indefinite words into my crimson lobed ears as it danced by.

Ground cracked beneath my feet as I walked and left a trail of shattered crystal glass.

Blue and White jewels grasped the edge of the shingles on rooftops trying not to fall and hit padded white ground below.

My secluded footsteps trailed behind mimicking my steps. Scattered arms on frail brown poles rustled in communication, bare and broken.

My sight was glared by yellow, green and red flashes controlling mobiles at its command.

Salt cellars were no longer locked as the white crystals hastened to the frozen bottoms.

Gray silhouette animations played behind the large white screen with no audio but that of whistling winds and breezes.

A tall pale building stood before me. I checked my watch, and entered.

Author's Note

I worked very hard on this piece and so I would only appreciate constructive criticism.;)

Reviews

[Judy]

I really liked this piece a lot - it had great emotion, a wonderful muse, and fantastic imagery.The words were perfectly used and the metaphors were great My only comment, and this is only personal, is that it should have been single spaced. With the way you keep the reader glued to their seats, double spacing it sometimes detracts from the concentration.

[Nya Joy Simmons]

Thank you! I appreciate this type of feedback!

[Mockingbird]

great prismatic imagery. it is clear that the person is cold by their 'crimson lobed ears'. blue and white are great descriptions of icicles. you also portrayed light and shadow with the gray sillhouettes. every line is vivid and alive. excellent job.

[Risaun]

It's fantastic! I really like this. :)

[Sami Khalil]

A very descriptive one...Bravo.....................

[Nya Joy Simmons]

Appreciated! I really enjoy this piece as well, I am very proud of it!:)

[Sami Khalil]

Good . You are welcome...:)...................