A Pesar de Mares de Lluvia (me moribundo de sed)

A short Spanish poem

Las lágrimas en esta lluvia oscura
toca la música sin fin,
sombrío y moribundo de sed,
Porque un desierto es mi corazón
y mi canción es solo un sabor amargo
inmerso en el silencio.

Despite Seas of Rain
(I'm dying of thirst)

The tears in this shrouded rain
play the music without end
somber and ever dying of thirst
For a desert is my heart
and my song is but a bitter taste
immersed in silence

Author's Note

Spanish is my third language, so I am not very good at it. This was a best effort, but if anyone has constructive advice on the grammar or word choice, it would be appreciated.

Reviews

[Temperance]

Our hearts can be like a desert if they are not loved and nourished. I love how you used your words in this poem. The tears that play the music.... and my song is but a bitter taste immersed in silence. I enjoyed this. Thank you. Temp

[Red Brick Keshner]

I am carried away in Spanish how different the feel, the musicality of it compared with English which basically keeps the beat of its Teutonic backbone, latinised only by its borrowings from the romance languages. I am no grammarian in Spanish but loved the feel of it being spoken aloud.

[Nusquam Esse]

Honestly, I wrote this piece because of the words. Moribundo is not the standard word that say Google translate would provide, but the nuance here is so much better. (English uses Moribund) Likewise, how much more beautiful is lagrimas than tears, it feels so different, almost crystalline with flecks of light. (Comparable English word is Lachrymos). I wanted to use them, and this poem formed around them, I spent a while deliberating the grammar, but I felt confident in the end result. I shared it with a few Spanish speaking friends without saying it was mine, and they all said it was very poetically formed and the grammar was solid. I had one person ask who had written it, because they couldn't find it on Google, but it felt like it was written by an established poet. They were confused why it didn't have any results online. I had another person just start crying quietly; and I had to explain that I wrote it for the words, and only partly because I am a mess of a human being. 😅 So, based off those responses, I am assuming I did well for writing a poem in a language I'm not fluent in.

[Red Brick Keshner]

And as the song goes, "it's only words, words are all I have..." and from that kernel the poem is birthed! Awesome.

[Zoe Richardson]

Excellent! I love the dichotomy. Dying of thirst in the rain. We thirst for more than water, and hunger for more than food. You expressed this beautifully.

[Einstein Noodle]

that's a sad one Nusquam! it translates into English quite well .. so many times another language does not keep the flow intact .. couldn't tell you about the Spanish .. i only ride a uni-cyscle ;) nice to see you stopping in to post old friend.
E.

[Nusquam Esse]

Some of the words don't quite carry their Latin based nuances, but the grammar is fairly similar... so translating it is easier than Japanese, even though I am better with Japanese than Spanish. I was trying to create a web, a song, with the many images the Spanish words convey. Contrasting the music of a mutable rain with the song of the heart immersed in silence... like the shadow of falling rain. Drinking tears until you're parched, dying of thirst. I like the English version fine, but it was the nuances of the Spanish words that birthed the contradiction and harmony between the words within. Thanks for swinging by.