Never Let Go

Eclipsed by a diadem of stars
   Crumbling 'neath obliviating suns
       Parodied by penumbrous moons;
Left only to strive under the Void
       Shackled to a voracious demise

Roaring omnipresent truth,
   Withholding the key to see
        Through cornerstones of dismay,
Exiled by cruel, bereft
        Time.


Twas but a piece of the finite
   When I first gazed within
       Eyes endowed with fathomed tides.
I'll never feel love,
       But even this beast wept

As you lay in my arms,
   Cold as the night's shadow
       Which bore you to me,
I understood the infinite
       Sorrow


With trembling hands
   I sought ardor
       Cold skin will never hold.
I waited, isolated--a suicide
       Crushed under despair

Borne away on untraveled rivers,
   I'll search in solitude
For a way to bridge infinities
   Which will always be

       One...

I'll never let go.          

Reviews

[Rene Salinas]

I have read this now so many times I think it is starting to change from a poem to a mantra. And what i relate to the most is the desire to avoid the gesture of caving in. Becuase at the start is already been put under pressure by the power of the mighty celestial objects something preventing from forming, relating sent into excile even. It is ardous. But then a revelation of sorts, destiny driven brought if anything a little hope although fear it evokes. What lives here will not cave - in. Remain "die-hard"

I really welcome this.

And I thankyou

[Alisa Js]

Aloha,

At the risk of repeating myself, this one, too is exquisite in it's poignant emotional content that is at first subtle...

Very well done, you!

Alisa

[Blue]

The diction of this piece is remarkably consistent. Very strong choice of words, and with prolific variety--the very characteristic of your style that drives me envious. Your linguistic aptitude is really something.

I understand and love the subtle effect of the fading colors in the last line but I wonder what the different colors and shades of the other lines represent...

I like the quality of your voice. It's cool and warm at the same time, with a distant ring of melancholy in it (this is what I sensed anyway. haha), which of course suits the mood of the poem. Well done, Nusquam.

[Nusquam Esse]

Thanks for visiting yet again Blue... :) I am glad you enjoyed the variety of words packed into this one, I guess I just have a very lexically dense way of expressing myself. I have not had much experience with reading aloud, so it was a fun experiment, trying to decide how to read and emphasize the different words. It always feels weird to hear your voice after you record it... hah! As for the lines changing colour, they shift according to their indentation; which I believe I used to represent the emotional cadence the lines seemed to hold for me. It was more about how each line felt in comparison to the others, if it felt like it flowed on, or reverted... I dunno. *shrug*

[Michael Phillips]

Sorry it took so long to review something of yours. Okay to me I like this because of the complex nature of it and I like the way you stylized it for the visual experience. The execution was on par with everything else.

[Chivalry]

O.o I wish I could write poetry like that. Amazing. It takes a few times to get it, but once you do, just wow. I bet if I showed this to my Literature class, we could spend hours analysing it :P Awesome job!

[Ivory]

The words you chose to express the emotion in this piece is amazing. I did have to read it more than once, but it only made me appreciate your creativity.

[Claire in VA]

Superb!
I don't have any suggestions; I think it's perfect just as it is!
Claire

[DaughterNature]

My first recommendation for you in attempting free verse is to just write down what you're thinking about in a paragraph and then rearrange the words into a poem. This is technically a free verse poem, but it's a little short on the poetry. I don't mean this as an insult at all -- on the contrary, I think you're a good writer, but this doesn't sound like you. There are too many "big" fancy words in this (and that's coming from someone that LOVES to use big words!). Try using "real," normal language that you feel comfortable with. I know there's emotion behind this, but the fancy language makes it hard to read, and detracts from the individuality of the piece. I want to read you!

[Nusquam Esse]

Bluntly put... this is me. I just wrote down what came to mind; none of these words are ones that I don't use on a regular basis, provided the situation is appropriate. The only parts which were not freely penned was the bit about obliviating suns (I spent some time debating how to depict a sun which is so overwhelming that it makes one crumble away before it. I considered obliterate, but that was too physical a nuance for my taste.) The other part was the Eyes endowed with fathomed tides, the original I wrote was "Ocean-endowed Eyes" which just felt awkward. With the exception of tweaking some tenses and articles and switching around a few lines, this was freely penned.

[Nusquam Esse]

LOL, if you want to see me go out of my way to use big words, then check out my poem Vernacular Homocide; which is a satirical piece on both those who go out of their way to use large words (and mostly inappropriate words, ignoring simpler words; I only use 'difficult' words when they have a nuance that a simpler word won't convey) as well as people who act as though punctuation is unnecessary. The poem is 'almost' impossible to read correctly, due to lack of punctuation; and its meaning is not clear due to this as well.

http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/omnimalevolent1/1332012/

[DaughterNature]

Love that idea!

[SpeedyHobbit Armstrong]

I agree with Jennie about how amazing your word choice is. Few writers are so adept with semantics. I even have to look up words you use in the dictionary sometimes, and I've tested in the 99th percentile for vocabulary on standardized tests! Breathakingly good

[Sam]

Pas mal, Nusquam. How absolute it reads.