Once a Red Moon

“Hurry, we’re going to miss it!” 

Why does she have to always nag?  I’m hurrying as fast as I can…  Besides, I would rather spend the night alone, dreaming--I prefer those memories.  But I know better than to resist; she’s just one of those people who catches everyone else up in their pace.  I dislike that about her.

“Relax, we have plenty of time.  It’s not like it’ll be over that quickly.” I assure her.

“I’m not going to relax.  You know how long it has been since we last had this chance, and I want to watch it start this time.  So stop dragging your feet, and get your suit on.” she replies in exasperation.

With a sigh, I begin to meekly put on my suit.  I loath the suit; it always makes me feel closed in, as if I’m trapped within a room which ends a mere inch from my nose.  But if we are going to go outside, I have little choice.  I never know how to say no, so I just stubbornly drag it out as long as I can; it is the only way I can show that while I am going along, I’m not doing so willingly.

She already has her suit on, and with a smile from behind her faceplate, she places her gloved hand on mine.  It’s pointless, I can’t feel anything through this suit, but even so, the gesture assures me.  'I will be okay, it’s just a suit… just a suit.' 

She reassures me, “You have done this hundreds of times.  This won’t be any different, just another walk on the surface.  And besides,” she pauses for a moment and gripping me tightly, she whispers, “You aren’t alone.”

I smile back, a frail twitch of the lips, but a smile all the same.  With just a moment of hesitation, we depressurize the chamber.  After a moment of awkward silence, the door slowly opens; now there is that complete silence which you could never hear back home.  I feel that familiar sense of panic, as if, despite the massive white plain which spreads out before us, the whole black sky is trying to crush me, stifle me, closing in closer than even that faceplate which hovers an inch from my nose.  I know it’s just emptiness, but it doesn’t feel that way.  It’s lame--an astronaut like me, with a phobia like this--but suit malfunctions are not a simple thing to recover from.  A single time with your oxygen depleted, and a suit is never the same--few things are...

She grabs my shoulder, and I hear her familiar voice through my radio, “Come on, you’ll be fine.  It will be worth it.   It is not every day that we get to see home.”

I merely nod, I can handle this much; it always fades after a few minutes.  Still, I know better than to speak right now; to voice how it could never be worth it; complaints will have to wait until I can speak without vomiting.

We make our way out over the edge of the dark sea.  It is an odd place, with such thin air and deceptive landscapes, you don’t have depth perception; who knows how far anything is.  Home seems so near, yet so far… I really miss home.  This is why I didn’t want to do this.

The bleached landscape has already begun to change, looking up, I can see that familiar dark blob making its way across the Sun; it is beginning.  We barely reach the vista before the rocks around us turn a rusted brown, like the color of old blood.  And not just the rocks, but us as well; it is odd to see her in that color.

She grabs my arm, “Come on; sit.  We are going to be here for a while, so let’s enjoy it.”  And then she doesn’t just sit, she sprawls, propped up against a large rock.  I will never get used to this color.  I still remember as a kid looking up here, and wondering why it looked like blood.  But it is quite different to actually be here, it’s just a macabre nightmare now.  It grows dark quickly, until we can no longer see the Sun, it is obscured.  To me it is an ill omen.

She joyfully exhales, “I really enjoy the eclipses here; they are so mysterious.  So very different than home.  They are more… unique, dark… complete.”

I grunt.  I have told her time and time again that I am no fan of this rusted color or, for that matter, this place at all.  But she is always telling me that we must make the best of what we have, I wish she wouldn’t try so hard...

“Look!  We can finally see it!”  And sure enough, she is right; with the sun hidden and, except for an eerie red light around the edges, the Earth’s a pitch black which we never see any other time.  It’s only in this darkness that our home, or what was once our home, reveals itself.

With a sigh of disappointment she groans, “It’s the Pacific Rim, again.”

I reassure her, “Does it matter?  It’s earth, isn’t it?”

She smiles softly, before replying, “I know, but Tokyo doesn’t mean anything to me except stories of Samurai and Geisha, it feels so distant.  It’s just… it has just been so long since I last saw the lights of Boston…  Guess we only get that lucky once in a blue moon…?”

With a chuckle I can’t help but retort, “More like once a red moon; only the Earth is blue.”  It is a bit sarcastic, but it the closest I get to be being lighthearted.  I have always been this way I suppose, long before I met her--cynical.

She smiles, this time a full on grin, “Yeah, we see home all the time like that, but it’s just not the same.  Only with the lights from the cities does it really convey... a human presence.”

I can only nod.  I sort of understand what she means, even though I wish I didn’t.  There is something surreal about seeing the night sky, as if it carries some ancestral memory.  I dislike nostalgia.

She is going off into one of her fantasies again, it is both endearing and irritating for me… it has been a long time since I was able to dream like her; but I prefer it this way, because eventually we need to wake up. 

With awe in her voice, she looks up at the sky, at the millions of stars which we had never seen at home in Boston, “As a child I looked up at the stars, and I wondered… is there someone else out there?  Someone else looking at those same stars?  Perhaps someone on one of those stars?  That is why… when I see those night lights I wonder the same thing… the same thing about home.  Is there someone… some…?”  She fades off, as if she doesn’t know how to continue.

I hate this part of me, but it’s who I am.  With a sarcastic laugh I can’t help but crush her, to destroy her, “Life up in the stars?  Do you really think that just because there is light, there is someone else out there?  You know the truth…”  And with my voice choking, because in the end, I can’t but help crush myself, I finally spit out those envenomed words which have been trapped in me for years, always on the tip of my tongue but never spoken, “All those lights down there on Earth, they are just that, Lights!  Just empty cities.  There is no one up there, no one down there; we are alone!  We are all that’s left, and it’s only a matter of time…”  And I can’t help but sob at this, just as I can’t finish the last part, I hate how hysterical I get.  I used to be more composed; but I guess that one part of me has changed.  I don’t know when...

Suddenly her hand is in mine, squeezing.  I can’t feel her warmth, but still there is something reassuring in it.  She grimly concedes, “I know…  I know.”  And then as if the whole world could be righted from this one fact alone she added, “But we have each other.” 

 

And that is why I hate her.

Reviews

[Moonie]

This reminded me of the beginning chapter of "A casual vacancy" in the first few paragraphs. I imagined that they were perhaps a couple stuck in a loveless marriage. The reality blew me away (I did have my suspicions, since it is your story)
I love the fact that you kept so much out, open for the reader's imagination. Most people are unable to do that.
For me, that is cowardice. In my poems, there are always surfaces of meanings. The outer most being yhe visual aspect, which I explain to precision, the next would be the underlying surface which is for the reader to interpret. What I gather from this is the effects of war. Not just old school world war, but any kind of discord.
So long as there are conflicting ideals, there would be war. So long as there are clashing personalities, there would be war. Basically, so long as there is humanity, there would be war, even though the humanity is just 2 people. Also, very, very clever use of present tense. It gives the feel as though, these 2 are actually watching us right now.
I like how you surprise me by saying " de pressurise the chamber" . That is the phrase that turned it around.
My suggestions would be:


#1 I thought it had nothing to do with space and was just a small argument between the couple in the beginning. My complain then, was that it does not describe the surroundings that much, and so I became suspicious. Try saying that the narrator looked at the white coloured walls around him, and the dull source of lighting in the middle of the ceiling or something like that.
#2para 5
The last line confuses me a bit. Does the narrator put on the suit to show that he is discontent, and there is a history associated with that particular suit, or does he put it on with a look of discontentment to show that he is against wearing that suit. Pay attention to how you framed it.
#3sixth paragraph, try "gloved hand in mine" not "on"
#4 paragraph 10
Try, "when you don’t have depth perception, who knows how far...."
#5 13th paragraph
try, "so very different from home" instead of "than"
also, try "to being lightheaded". I think you wrote the "be" by mistake.
"Long before I met her" disturbs the flow of him being "this way--cynical". Put it in brackets.
#7 in the 2nd last paragraph
Try, "but I guess that one part of me changed, I don't know when...." cut "has"
Also, it seems tiny but change "I can't but help crush myself" to " I can't help but crush myself"
#8 last paragraph
try "hand on (or around)mine"
also, you wrote added instead of adds, which disrupted the tense.

In the end, this is your story, and the end decision is yours entirely. Hope my review helps.:))

[lissalovesyou]

Beautiful flow. Reminded me of something I hadn't thought of for ages. Brings back great memories.
lissalovesyou:)

[Taylor_McCutcheon]

I enjoyed this story. The only issues I had with it where I felt you repeated the fact that he didnt want to go but there was no convincing her otherwise a bit too many times. The same goes for him wanting to be left alone.

But I enjoyed it none the less. I didnt understand the part about the suits. But i think I just missed something XP Great story, I saw no errors

[Delmar Cooper]

This is the second time I read this. I wonder if I will read it again one day and if that reading will be like this one - even more enjoyable than the last. This could be set almost anywhere or anywhen. The story is in the people, isn't it?
Thanks

[Chadvonswan]

Hot damn, this was a story. Excellent flow and the ending was awesome. Great job here!

[roarke]

ending, ouch. I can relate to this after watching the moon eclipse last night, eerie. I liked the outward dialogue contrasted against the inner thoughts and feelings of the narrator. I think it was the key to developing both characters. Desolation, desperation, hope, nostalgia.... always interesting themes. This piece was a perfect length. Then the ending, was like seeing the fading traces of smoke after blowing out a candle. This is a winner for sure.

[Kasey Miriam]

Very well done story. Is not too wordy and is very well written

[Blue]

I admire your dedication when it comes to writing, Nusquam. That is evident in how you construct your sentences--trying your best to punctuate them correctly, organizing thoughts in coherent order. Also, your choice of words is commendable and I know how conscious you are when it comes to that. ;)

Here are just some of my observations which may be limited or biased due to my lack of expertise but at least you know I'm trying to give my best shot here:

Punctuation marks. Not many writers on this site are keen about such. But I noticed your awareness on their use and I greatly admire you for your effort. (There are lots of lazy writers who are not being mindful about their correct usage. Including me. Sometimes.) However, if I were to write this story, there are parts where I would have put marks somewhere else or change them.

For instance, "She is always nagging; I am hurrying as fast as I can… I don't even want to do this. I would rather spend the night alone, asleep where I cannot remember this world. I prefer those memories but I know better. She is not someone you can refuse. She will harass me until I give in."

That's how I would write it, anyway. We might have different views on this because I know you as someone who always seem to have smarter things to say back. ;) But in that paragraph, commas might have been a little off. Just like in the sentence "She is always nagging, I am hurrying as fast as I can…" Semicolon might be a better substitute. (Semicolon suggests formality, though. I would opt for a period when the writing is informal.)

“Relax, we have plenty of time, it is not like it is over that quickly” I assure her.
-> "Relax! We have plenty of time. It's not like it's over that quickly," I assure her. (I would choose to contract "it is" to "it's" because it's more common among people these days. "It is" sounds spoken by someone more formal, I think. Also, a comma after 'quickly' is necessary because that's what I have observed in direct quotations.)

"It has been a few years now, and I would prefer to just be left alone, but I am no match for her; I already know this. She is just one of those people that catches everyone else up in their pace; I really dislike that about her." -> Okayyy. I am not sure about this one because you seem to have a different style in how to punctuate sentences. I guess I don't have to write my preferences because this review will be much lengthier than intended. I'll leave you to your own devices, then. You might want to unconsider (haha) my previous suggestions especially regarding the first paragraph. In the second sentence of this paragraph, I suggest changing 'that' to 'who' so it will look like this "She is just one of those people WHO catches everyone else up in their pace".

“I’m not going to relax, you know how long it has been since we last had this chance, and I want to watch it start!" (Sorry, can't help it. I'll write it this way: “I’m not going to relax! You know how long it has been since we last had this chance, and I want to watch it start!")

I never really liked the thing, it always makes me feel closed in... -> I never really liked the thing; it always makes me feel closed in... (after 'thing', a semicolon or a period).

But if we are going to go outside, I have little choice. -> "little choice"? Hmm... I haven't heard of such before and it sounds rather weird. Perhaps you mean "no choice"?

Of course I have already seen it before, once was enough! -> I'll make it into two sentences.

but even so, the gesture assures me, I will be okay. -> but even so, the gesture assures me (that) I will be okay. (Or you may simply delete the "I will be okay" part because in the next few sentences, she mentioned the statement anyway).

It’s okay, you have done this hundreds of times, this won’t be any different. -> It's okay. You have done this hundreds of times. This won't be any different. (But then again, that's just me.)

gripping me tightly she whispers -> gripping me tightly, she whispers

It's lame, an astronaut like me, with a phobia like this -> It's lame--an astronaut like me, with a phobia like this

But it is quite different to actually be here, its just a macabre nightmare now. -> But it is quite different to actually be here, IT'S just a macabre nightmare now. (apostrophe)

ill omen -> I'll omit "ill".

I simply grunt, I have told her -> I simply grunt. I have told her

It is the Pacific Rim, again! -> Is the comma needed?

“Does it really matter? Its earth isn’t it?” -> “Does it really matter? IT'S earth, isn’t it?” (apostrophe and comma)

The whole planet doesn't matter to me anyway, it is in the past, and best left that way. Of course I don't say this, it just makes things worse. -> The whole planet doesn't matter to me anyway. It is in the past...and best left that way. Of course, I don't say this. It just makes things worse. (Just a suggestion.)

Ughh. I'm already way too long! From this point onward, I'll stop commenting about punctuation marks. ;)

Anyway, I'd like to clarify because I'm not sure of this myself. Is it 'light-hearted' or 'lighthearted'?

I like the unique theme and the flow of events. I can't say anything intelligible about the meaning so I concentrated on the structure. I hope this helps.

I admire your dedication when it comes to writing, Nusquam. That is evident in how you construct your sentences--trying your best to punctuate them correctly, organizing thoughts in coherent order. Also, your choice of words is commendable and I know how conscious you are when it comes to that. ;)

Here are just some of my observations which may be limited or biased due to my lack of expertise but at least you know I'm trying to give my best shot here:

Punctuation marks. Not many writers on this site are keen about such. But I noticed your awareness on their use and I greatly admire you for your effort. (There are lots of lazy writers who are not being mindful about their correct usage. Including me. Sometimes.) However, if I were to write this story, there are parts where I would have put marks somewhere else or change them.

For instance, "She is always nagging; I am hurrying as fast as I can… I don't even want to do this. I would rather spend the night alone, asleep where I cannot remember this world. I prefer those memories but I know better. She is not someone you can refuse. She will harass me until I give in."

That's how I would write it, anyway. We might have different views on this because I know you as someone who always seem to have smarter things to say back. ;) But in that paragraph, commas might have been a little off. Just like in the sentence "She is always nagging, I am hurrying as fast as I can…" Semicolon might be a better substitute. (Semicolon suggests formality, though. I would opt for a period when the writing is informal.)

“Relax, we have plenty of time, it is not like it is over that quickly” I assure her.
-> "Relax! We have plenty of time. It's not like it's over that quickly," I assure her. (I would choose to contract "it is" to "it's" because it's more common among people these days. "It is" sounds spoken by someone more formal, I think. Also, a comma after 'quickly' is necessary because that's what I have observed in direct quotations.)

"It has been a few years now, and I would prefer to just be left alone, but I am no match for her; I already know this. She is just one of those people that catches everyone else up in their pace; I really dislike that about her." -> Okayyy. I am not sure about this one because you seem to have a different style in how to punctuate sentences. I guess I don't have to write my preferences because this review will be much lengthier than intended. I'll leave you to your own devices, then. You might want to unconsider (haha) my previous suggestions especially regarding the first paragraph. In the second sentence of this paragraph, I suggest changing 'that' to 'who' so it will look like this "She is just one of those people WHO catches everyone else up in their pace".

“I’m not going to relax, you know how long it has been since we last had this chance, and I want to watch it start!" (Sorry, can't help it. I'll write it this way: “I’m not going to relax! You know how long it has been since we last had this chance, and I want to watch it start!")

I never really liked the thing, it always makes me feel closed in... -> I never really liked the thing; it always makes me feel closed in... (after 'thing', a semicolon or a period).

But if we are going to go outside, I have little choice. -> "little choice"? Hmm... I haven't heard of such before and it sounds rather weird. Perhaps you mean "no choice"?

Of course I have already seen it before, once was enough! -> I'll make it into two sentences.

but even so, the gesture assures me, I will be okay. -> but even so, the gesture assures me (that) I will be okay. (Or you may simply delete the "I will be okay" part because in the next few sentences, she mentioned the statement anyway).

It’s okay, you have done this hundreds of times, this won’t be any different. -> It's okay. You have done this hundreds of times. This won't be any different. (But then again, that's just me.)

gripping me tightly she whispers -> gripping me tightly, she whispers

It's lame, an astronaut like me, with a phobia like this -> It's lame--an astronaut like me, with a phobia like this

But it is quite different to actually be here, its just a macabre nightmare now. -> But it is quite different to actually be here, IT'S just a macabre nightmare now. (apostrophe)

ill omen -> I'll omit "ill".

I simply grunt, I have told her -> I simply grunt. I have told her

It is the Pacific Rim, again! -> Is the comma needed?

“Does it really matter? Its earth isn’t it?” -> “Does it really matter? IT'S earth, isn’t it?” (apostrophe and comma)

The whole planet doesn't matter to me anyway, it is in the past, and best left that way. Of course I don't say this, it just makes things worse. -> The whole planet doesn't matter to me anyway. It is in the past...and best left that way. Of course, I don't say this. It just makes things worse. (Just a suggestion.)

Ughh. I'm already way too long! From this point onward, I'll stop commenting about punctuation marks and focus on other things. ;)

I'd like to clarify because I'm not sure of this myself. Is it 'light-hearted' or 'lighthearted'?

I like the unique theme and the flow of events. I can't say anything intelligible about the meaning so I concentrated on the structure. I hope this helps.

(I'm hungry. I'll have snacks for now. Haha.)

By the way, I would minimize the use of 'really'. I am not a fan of that word but then again, that's just me. ;) Have a great weekend, Nusquam!

[Jennie Baron]

Positively ingenious! I agree it's great that the reader gets several paragraphs in before he/she realizes that the characters are not dressing up to go to an event. There's so much ambivalence, too, it's delicious and invites all kinds of speculation. I'm still not sure how much love the narrator has for the women, or if she is simply annoying and irrationally positive given the situation, or if I admire her for making the best of it. You've revealed so much about them in so few words.

[Woody]

I love it. Absolutely enthralling.

[Einstein Noodle]

great twist at the end ..."And that is why I hate her." your story hooked me at the start ... i'm thinking ... dressed in a suit to celebrate; a party at work or something political ... i'm thinking she puts on her suit .. she's a modern, strong woman, she puts on her makeup as a face plate ... ..anyway .. shortly after that i started to get it .. lots of human emotion to delve into ... enjoyed the read ... held me to the end
E.