Once a Red Moon

“Hurry, we’re going to miss it!” 

Why does she have to always nag?  I’m hurrying as fast as I can…  Besides, I would rather spend the night alone, dreaming--I prefer those memories.  But I know better than to resist; she’s just one of those people who catches everyone else up in their pace.  I dislike that about her.

“Relax, we have plenty of time.  It’s not like it’ll be over that quickly.” I assure her.

“I’m not going to relax.  You know how long it has been since we last had this chance, and I want to watch it start this time.  So stop dragging your feet, and get your suit on.” she replies in exasperation.

With a sigh, I begin to meekly put on my suit.  I loath the suit; it always makes me feel closed in, as if I’m trapped within a room which ends a mere inch from my nose.  But if we are going to go outside, I have little choice.  I never know how to say no, so I just stubbornly drag it out as long as I can; it is the only way I can show that while I am going along, I’m not doing so willingly.

She already has her suit on, and with a smile from behind her faceplate, she places her gloved hand on mine.  It’s pointless, I can’t feel anything through this suit, but even so, the gesture assures me.  'I will be okay, it’s just a suit… just a suit.' 

She reassures me, “You have done this hundreds of times.  This won’t be any different, just another walk on the surface.  And besides,” she pauses for a moment and gripping me tightly, she whispers, “You aren’t alone.”

I smile back, a frail twitch of the lips, but a smile all the same.  With just a moment of hesitation, we depressurize the chamber.  After a moment of awkward silence, the door slowly opens; now there is that complete silence which you could never hear back home.  I feel that familiar sense of panic, as if, despite the massive white plain which spreads out before us, the whole black sky is trying to crush me, stifle me, closing in closer than even that faceplate which hovers an inch from my nose.  I know it’s just emptiness, but it doesn’t feel that way.  It’s lame--an astronaut like me, with a phobia like this--but suit malfunctions are not a simple thing to recover from.  A single time with your oxygen depleted, and a suit is never the same--few things are...

She grabs my shoulder, and I hear her familiar voice through my radio, “Come on, you’ll be fine.  It will be worth it.   It is not every day that we get to see home.”

I merely nod, I can handle this much; it always fades after a few minutes.  Still, I know better than to speak right now; to voice how it could never be worth it; complaints will have to wait until I can speak without vomiting.

We make our way out over the edge of the dark sea.  It is an odd place, with such thin air and deceptive landscapes, you don’t have depth perception; who knows how far anything is.  Home seems so near, yet so far… I really miss home.  This is why I didn’t want to do this.

The bleached landscape has already begun to change, looking up, I can see that familiar dark blob making its way across the Sun; it is beginning.  We barely reach the vista before the rocks around us turn a rusted brown, like the color of old blood.  And not just the rocks, but us as well; it is odd to see her in that color.

She grabs my arm, “Come on; sit.  We are going to be here for a while, so let’s enjoy it.”  And then she doesn’t just sit, she sprawls, propped up against a large rock.  I will never get used to this color.  I still remember as a kid looking up here, and wondering why it looked like blood.  But it is quite different to actually be here, it’s just a macabre nightmare now.  It grows dark quickly, until we can no longer see the Sun, it is obscured.  To me it is an ill omen.

She joyfully exhales, “I really enjoy the eclipses here; they are so mysterious.  So very different than home.  They are more… unique, dark… complete.”

I grunt.  I have told her time and time again that I am no fan of this rusted color or, for that matter, this place at all.  But she is always telling me that we must make the best of what we have, I wish she wouldn’t try so hard...

“Look!  We can finally see it!”  And sure enough, she is right; with the sun hidden and, except for an eerie red light around the edges, the Earth’s a pitch black which we never see any other time.  It’s only in this darkness that our home, or what was once our home, reveals itself.

With a sigh of disappointment she groans, “It’s the Pacific Rim, again.”

I reassure her, “Does it matter?  It’s earth, isn’t it?”

She smiles softly, before replying, “I know, but Tokyo doesn’t mean anything to me except stories of Samurai and Geisha, it feels so distant.  It’s just… it has just been so long since I last saw the lights of Boston…  Guess we only get that lucky once in a blue moon…?”

With a chuckle I can’t help but retort, “More like once a red moon; only the Earth is blue.”  It is a bit sarcastic, but it the closest I get to be being lighthearted.  I have always been this way I suppose, long before I met her--cynical.

She smiles, this time a full on grin, “Yeah, we see home all the time like that, but it’s just not the same.  Only with the lights from the cities does it really convey... a human presence.”

I can only nod.  I sort of understand what she means, even though I wish I didn’t.  There is something surreal about seeing the night sky, as if it carries some ancestral memory.  I dislike nostalgia.

She is going off into one of her fantasies again, it is both endearing and irritating for me… it has been a long time since I was able to dream like her; but I prefer it this way, because eventually we need to wake up. 

With awe in her voice, she looks up at the sky, at the millions of stars which we had never seen at home in Boston, “As a child I looked up at the stars, and I wondered… is there someone else out there?  Someone else looking at those same stars?  Perhaps someone on one of those stars?  That is why… when I see those night lights I wonder the same thing… the same thing about home.  Is there someone… some…?”  She fades off, as if she doesn’t know how to continue.

I hate this part of me, but it’s who I am.  With a sarcastic laugh I can’t help but crush her, to destroy her, “Life up in the stars?  Do you really think that just because there is light, there is someone else out there?  You know the truth…”  And with my voice choking, because in the end, I can’t but help crush myself, I finally spit out those envenomed words which have been trapped in me for years, always on the tip of my tongue but never spoken, “All those lights down there on Earth, they are just that, Lights!  Just empty cities.  There is no one up there, no one down there; we are alone!  We are all that’s left, and it’s only a matter of time…”  And I can’t help but sob at this, just as I can’t finish the last part, I hate how hysterical I get.  I used to be more composed; but I guess that one part of me has changed.  I don’t know when...

Suddenly her hand is in mine, squeezing.  I can’t feel her warmth, but still there is something reassuring in it.  She grimly concedes, “I know…  I know.”  And then as if the whole world could be righted from this one fact alone she added, “But we have each other.” 

 

And that is why I hate her.

Reviews

[Moonie]

This reminded me of the beginning chapter of "A casual vacancy" in the first few paragraphs. I imagined that they were perhaps a couple stuck in a loveless marriage. The reality blew me away (I did have my suspicions, since it is your story)
I love the fact that you kept so much out, open for the reader's imagination. Most people are unable to do that.
For me, that is cowardice. In my poems, there are always surfaces of meanings. The outer most being yhe visual aspect, which I explain to precision, the next would be the underlying surface which is for the reader to interpret. What I gather from this is the effects of war. Not just old school world war, but any kind of discord.
So long as there are conflicting ideals, there would be war. So long as there are clashing personalities, there would be war. Basically, so long as there is humanity, there would be war, even though the humanity is just 2 people. Also, very, very clever use of present tense. It gives the feel as though, these 2 are actually watching us right now.
I like how you surprise me by saying " de pressurise the chamber" . That is the phrase that turned it around.
My suggestions would be:


#1 I thought it had nothing to do with space and was just a small argument between the couple in the beginning. My complain then, was that it does not describe the surroundings that much, and so I became suspicious. Try saying that the narrator looked at the white coloured walls around him, and the dull source of lighting in the middle of the ceiling or something like that.
#2para 5
The last line confuses me a bit. Does the narrator put on the suit to show that he is discontent, and there is a history associated with that particular suit, or does he put it on with a look of discontentment to show that he is against wearing that suit. Pay attention to how you framed it.
#3sixth paragraph, try "gloved hand in mine" not "on"
#4 paragraph 10
Try, "when you don’t have depth perception, who knows how far...."
#5 13th paragraph
try, "so very different from home" instead of "than"
also, try "to being lightheaded". I think you wrote the "be" by mistake.
"Long before I met her" disturbs the flow of him being "this way--cynical". Put it in brackets.
#7 in the 2nd last paragraph
Try, "but I guess that one part of me changed, I don't know when...." cut "has"
Also, it seems tiny but change "I can't but help crush myself" to " I can't help but crush myself"
#8 last paragraph
try "hand on (or around)mine"
also, you wrote added instead of adds, which disrupted the tense.

In the end, this is your story, and the end decision is yours entirely. Hope my review helps.:))

[♔ CrownedDevil &#..]

Amazing chapter, it's very interesting. :-) :-) :-)

Kaze~

[Elwyn]

Have you ever read a short story by Ray Bradbury? Particularly, "All Summer in a Day?" Because your story reminds me of it. Isn't it funny, that in the future, we still long for home and familiarity and experience emotions far too human even though we're now almost aliens? I love the cynical narrator, and this girl who is too cheery. He hates her because she still believes, and he's jealous too because she still tries to be happy and he can't find a way. Another brilliant write, and check out Ray Bradbury if you're not familiar with him.

[Nusquam Esse]

I have not read Ray Bradbury, so I will have to take your advice on this one! I admittedly did enjoy the characters in this one; I wasn't even expecting it to end this way... it just did somehow. It seemed natural for the character to respond in this particular way.

[Elwyn]

http://staff.esuhsd.org/danielle/English%20Department%20LVillage/RT/Short%20Stories/All%20Summer%20in%20a%20Day.pdf
here it is, I you're interested. You write like him too- I think you'd enjoy his work very much!
And your characterization in this piece is spectacular! Especially the last line.

[Nusquam Esse]

mmm, I can see the similarities between this and that story, the whole premise of seeing something that only happens so often, the general sense of dread and loathing, the sci-fi setting, and the power of the final lines. I don't think many of my stories are like this, but I certainly agree that this one is. And yes, I agree that the last line on this one is incredible; it sends a chill down my spine (and I wrote it) and hovers in the back of my head. I love drawing stories up with strong endings, and this may just be one of the most powerful, succinct, and bipolar ones I have managed.

[Ceara]

Simple, strong, and vivid. At first, I was confused on where the story was set, with the mention and suits and faceplates, but it was smoothly cleared up. I can almost see the red hue on everything, and the narrator's bitterness matches the empty world perfectly. The ending line was so perfect. I was lured here by the mystery of the story, and now I'm hooked. Please write more!

[Nusquam Esse]

I am glad that you enjoyed this; it is intended to be a stand-alone story. Somehow I feel that the story would lose its strength if I was to give it a beginning or an end. If nothing else, I don't know if I could top the haunting feeling of those last words... I am glad that you wanted more though; it really shows that the short story was done right, if you are never quite satisfied as a reader.

[Ceara]

I can understand that feeling of preservation you have...I think I even like the story more knowing that's all there will be, with tons of mystery around it. Very coy. Still an excellent job! ^^

[Nusquam Esse]

ummm, is there a particular one of your books you want me to look over? I like to return reviews; although it may take me a bit to go through a book... ;)

[Ceara]

Oh! I don't really have much yet, much less a full book...but if you like, Hiraeth is my current work, so please take a look! I'd be honored. >//

[Nusquam Esse]

will do when I get a chance

[Ashira Macy]

I really liked this story a lot. It leaves me with a lot of questions which I am sure was the intended purpose. What happened on Earth that there are no more humans? Why are these two the only ones that made it out alive? And are they on the Moon, because if so, why is it red? Anyway, it was a brilliant write, I couldn't tear my eyes away from it. The protagonist (if he can be called that) has clearly been through hell and back with all of his negativity, and he hates that his companion still has hope when his withered up and dies long ago. I also found it really interesting how you set up the first few paragraphs. You did so in a way that made it seem as though they were going out to dinner at a fancy restaurant or something and then slowly introduced us to the idea that they were astronauts. Great work!

[Nusquam Esse]

Hah, I wanted to give the story an 'in medias res' feel, as though the story was just a moment in time, with no conclusion or beginning to really set it in stone. Nothing more than the characters and the setting; I was trying to see how well I could develop characters with such a short piece. The Moon turns red during lunar eclipses; when the earth blocks the sun--so they are going out to look down at earth while the sun is blocked. Glad you liked this! I fancy myself as more of a story writer than a poet; so it is nice when people take the time to check out the stories. (even if they take more effort)

[Ashira Macy]

I didn't feel like this took more effort to read, you wrote it pretty seamlessly. But I have noticed that stories get a lot less attention on here than poetry does, so I see what you mean.

[Nusquam Esse]

Yeah, stories are often ignored; I am honestly one of the most read story writers on here (although I don't compare with the major Poets on here). It is a pity, because many story writers lose confidence due to lack of reception, and end up moving on. A few of my stories still need some edits to be as fluid as this one; but they should all be of at least a decent quality. Main thing is, as I said before, they tend to be diverse; both in style, tense, and in their balance of showing/telling and intellectual/emotional.

[Ashira Macy]

That is unfortunate, but at least yours get read. I have seen some fantastic stories on here, but I will admit I focus more on poetry myself. I am trying to branch out though.

[Nusquam Esse]

Poems take less investment as a reader; if it was mediocre, it doesn't feel like you have wasted your time. I have only seen like maybe... five truly exceptional stories on here; although I have seen a few dozen great ones. Unfortunately, the crappy stories definitely outrank the good; it takes a lot of skill and experience to write compelling prose. A lot of story writers on here only started a couple months ago or are still in their teens; plain and simply put, it is not possible for the stories to be incredible (good is still possible), since it takes at least a few years to develop voice and an understanding of mechanics and balance. If you have a story you would like me to look over, send me an RR. I seem to be pretty good at looking over a piece and identify core issues which impede flow and pace. (a few of my pieces--generally the ones that don't have my avatar as their picture--haven't gone through revisions... so they are a bit lacking on the pacing)

[Ashira Macy]

I think I will. I only have one story on here as of now, but it would be nice to get some input. Thank you!

[jjwilbourne]

This was really great. I really enjoyed how it leaked information at just the right pace so by the end, the gravity of what he was experienced was fully weighted. I wish that this was longer and kerpt going after this point. I just became hooked by the end.
I liked how present you wrote this. Though first person isn't my favourite approach, you did it well.
I would have enjoyed a tad more imagery.
Excellent work.

[C. Rose]

Congratulations on being in the top ten of the first "Promote Me!" contest.
Your story had an excellent ending and a high writing quality.
Voting closes in a week.
I invite you to join the group "Promote Me!". Your piece will be accepted into the library along with the other finalists, and should you win it will be featured.

[DaughterNature]

Hm. This was pretty interesting. I think the present-tense worked in this piece. I was definitely wondering why they were on the Moon looking down on the cities of Earth, and then you explained that they're the last humans left. The only thing that felt weird to me was the "lights" thing: if there were no more humans on Earth, chances are that the lights in cities wouldn't be on (either because of natural disasters, whatever extinguished human society, or simple disrepair). Other than that, very intriguing.

[Margo Seuss]

Oh boy, oh boy. These kind of stories are so clever and always leave me SO unsatisfied. Such a tease! I admire writers who are able to tell just enough but yet leave out enough for the reader to sit and imagine. I'm the kind of writer who just can't resist sharing every last detail of every little thing. I'm silly that way. I always want to know everything. I enjoyed this. The mystery of the circumstance kept me reading.The length was good too. My only suggestion for this would be to give just a bit more for the reader to digest. For instance: how is it that these two are the only humans left? Perhaps if you gave a hint of mentioning about a world war three or something that caused them to flee to the stars. This could almost be a prologue for something bigger. Either way, I like that this is simply written and gives room for elaboration and imagination.

[Rick r]

Interesting characters and setting. Good dialogue and technique. Something I would read more of.
Rick