Deserted by dreams of heaven’s azure, I awaken alone in distant land. Isolated in sterile vaulted amber. Tempestuous hell I can’t understand.
Pallid eidôlon shuffling en masse, Chthonic ichor corrupts men enthralled. Shredding through effervescent titian gas, Amaranthine holocaust furor squalls!
What's my purpose here, in nebulous hell? Diffidence lingers; obscuring my mind. Descending to subdued tapestry’s pastel, Join a cortege for resigned mankind.
Each masked, so empty, expression devoid; Deadened feet to molten cadence low. A macabre nightmare contorted by Freud. Forcibly assimilating their flow.
Such beauty in this human condition, Majestic fury in Hades untamed. Within me stirs artistic ambition, Hidden raw zenith to be reclaimed.
No canvas to adorn with this rapture, But this ephemeral sulphuric mud. And no brush my bursting heart to capture, Except the trickle of my fading blood.
To intimate animus I am bound, Desperation forging my impression, Pouring with frenzied heartbeat to the ground. An artist devout to every passion.
Crimson erupts forth, clouding my vision. Oozing life-blood, defiling final art. So abruptly filled with my derision; Engrossed with vile conflict of the heart.
My dying mind vows to engrave this moment, Etching it forever, within my soul. But my breath never crosses the firmament. Enslaved forever to that console.
Deserted by dreams of heaven’s azure, I awaken alone in distant land. Isolated in frigid vaulted amber. Roused by brumal ardor, as if by command.
Through distant glass, an image holds me fast. Across asperous ice clawing the night. Jove, such sweet love, holds me captive at last. Surreally binding me to final endzeit.
Cruel ice twisted heaven-bound with malice. Riotous myriad of vivid maelstrom ablaze. Transcendence itself pours from Jove’s chalice. Haunted by perfection; trapped in its gaze.
A culmination of perpetual bliss Passion for sentiments immaterial Eternally consigned to reminisce. I must preserve this mirage æthereal!
A room filled with canvas unending. Unsure as to why, I never question. I’ll submit to my purpose unbending. Giving completely to my expression.
This is man's eternally paid penance, For trespassing on the domain of god. Submit ourselves to omnipresence. Forsaking souls for life steeped in fraud. So must man pay for his hubristic claim, Nevermore a Phoenix reborn in flame.
The basic premise of this narrative takes place first on Io and then on Europa (two of Jupiter's moons). I didn't elaborate much, but the man is basically a stored persona in a computer database of sorts, which is printed out. This is why each time he awakens more or less from the same dream. I decided to keep the premise a bit enigmatic; the mystery feels more full than any details I could iron out in a narrative poem. Furthermore, I did intend this to be allegorical, so let your mind go wild. I decided to express the 'thoughts' of the console through binary (although I doubt a computer in this time era would be using binary systems), if nothing else I thought it provided an interesting contrast to the 'poetic thought of the artist. For the sake of 'poetry', and aesthetic form, I decided to express all the computer's thoughts in 5 character intervals. All in all, this is not a conventional poem, and I realize that it is not an 'easy' read, but I wanted to try my hand at writing science fiction poetry with meaning; and this is what I got!
The painting was done by yours truly. I am planning on doing a second one (depicting Io/the first scene), but who knows when I will get around to it.
My Review
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Your technique is quite enthralling (albeit fairly intimidating, at times, to be frank) and very exquisite and intriguing in many ways. It took me quite a few reads to fully comprehend the meaning of your poem (which was absolutely wrong, but I shall state it anyways) and interpreted it as such, taken aback by the devastation and beauty you portray the end of the world as. The arrogance of humanity is quite apparent and the destruction of it is portrayed more like retribution, rather than revenge; the way you portray humanity makes it sound like they are in dire need of karmic punishment, and the nuclear destruction of the species is a godsend. Your speaker, having witnessed the end of humanity's reign, finally meets death and meets Jupiter, the god of gods, pertaining to some afterlife within which your speaker goes to after death.
Lastly, the ending was cryptic— Humanity, finally having mastered the ways of nature and manipulating all the laws set forth by the universe, put to an end by its own hand due to its inability to control its destruction. A phoenix that has died and never will rise again. Well done.
I love the mythical and religious allusions. They provide this sci-fi poem with religious awe for outer space, that some astronomers tend to have. I also enjoyed the rhythm. It flowed well. The last four stanzas are my favourite with "This is man's eternally paid penance,
For trespassing on the domain of god." What is perhaps most astounding to me is how in your note you say that this is a "persona in a computer database," yet the being seems so full of emotion, very unlike a computer or robot. In short, it's a mythically beautiful sci-fi poem.
z'Each masked, so empty, expression devoid;
Deadened feet to molten cadence low.
A macabre nightmare contorted by Freud.
Forcibly assimilating their flow"
Very interesting, amazing poem! I copied this stanza because I like the theme of the psyche and human condition and the line "forcibly assimilating their flow" sounds similar to stuff I've written, a strange feeling when one finds a kindred spirit!
I like the poem's complexity and I think the form serves the language here. Great rhyming and cadence, and cool subject matter. Very interesting. Good job. While reading, I thought it was an narrative of what happens after death, and wonder if the 0's and 1's add or detract from the poem itself. Maybe you could add more computer or future-computer type language or processes in the wording of the poem, if you want to pursue that, otherwise I think it stands alone just fine. Also, I felt smart reading all those big words.
There's so much to absorb in this incredible write. I love futuristic genres and it took me to a place of questioning our purpose. I think the binary code is really effective , a constant reminder to the reader of a different existence. It felt like an internal struggle over what makes us human and a desperate attempt to retain what individuality is left within us, with creativity or artistic form of any kind trying to burst free. The final stanza a stark lesson I liken to Pandora's box, that once opened, everything changes. Beautiful descriptive images too. So very different and most enjoyable :) Penny
I'm just getting around to reading this, but omigosh! Your gift for word-craft and your vocabulary constantly astound me. Yes, I admit I sometimes have to have a dictionary handy to read your writing, but I like that. The words paint an image perhaps more vivid than the painting.
****I have disabled RRs, since I just don't have the time and energy to continue returning every review. I have enough on my plate without nagging feelings of obligation; so please, do NOT review me .. more..