Mono no Aware (物の哀れ)

A Sonnet utilizing dual-sestets followed with dual-quatrains on an Iambic Pentameter. An unorthodox AABBBA CCDDC EFFE GGHH rhyming scheme.

The speed at which these flowers fall below,
Crossing each other as they dance to and fro.
Ever apart they drift as they descend,
Forsaking each and every precious friend,
No one to greet them but ground's dismal end.
Likewise is man in life's pernicious flow.

Trapped within this cycle upon our birth,
Each soul to drift alone upon this earth,
Fate driveth to rend us ever apart.
Yet temporal bonds hold dear within our heart,
Our lives connecting to form vivid art,
Therein lies proof of our mortal life's worth.

Yet if all travel the valley of death,
Leaving a world of suffering and strife,
One wonders if there is purpose in life.
What shall we hold dear in our final breath?

If even the world shall meet its demise,
Meaning of purpose is hard to surmise.
Yet if fate from us a purpose withhold,
Perhaps our purpose is our own to mold.

Author's Note

Title is a Japanese phrase which embodies a gentle sadness and reserved melancholy for the transience of all things. In the end, all things must end; and in a way this gives it beauty. I am trilingual, and one of my languages is Japanese. I felt this phrase fit well, despite not being English. Since there is no true translation for the idea, I decided to preserve the original phrase. I am a novice with poetry, I have only written a handful of poems in my life; and my younger sister is generally regarded the poet of the family. I wrote this a couple years ago, and found it on a napkin stashed away in my closet. Decided to share, as inexperienced as I am.

Reviews

[CountNicholasAlti]

I already knew you were a great writer, but I suppose I was ignorant on the knowledge you hold of structure and meter. Excellent poem with a lusciously vivacious comparison from nature to humanity. I want to be a brat and start nit picking something you write because I usually can't find a single thing to suggest, but I wonder if in the first quatrain you find another adjective rather than "dying" as it almost seems redundant as you have already touched on the valley of death and possibly if another adjective could eliminate unnecessary repetition and further illustrate the final moments of existence? Just a meager suggestion, really, but I'm sick of you writing everything flawlessly so I had to take a shot!

[Chris Atkinson]

That is an amazing, beautiful and very well writen poem. I realy love this one and you are very talented.

[Delmar Cooper]

Obviously a napkin of fine linen. I really should not joke about this poem, all that stuff the erudite Japanese person said about it? Let me add - yeah me too.

[AprilRN1210]

Are you serious? On a napkin?? Oh my goodness... This is awesome... I love the flow, the skillful rhythm and rhyme scheme... Honestly truly amazing...

[Tinkerbellje]

Brilliant writing..... Although that seems to be the norm from what I read of yours :-)

[Dai Hanshou]

Poignantly philosophical, and yet... it's soft. I don't have any other word for this.

[Tina Louise UK]

Thought provoking,insightful read...you really do have a lot of talent! Enjoyed this piece :) x

[Shaquana Adams]

"Trapped within this cycle upon our birth,
Each soul to drift alone upon this earth,
Fate driveth to rend us ever apart.
Yet temporal bonds hold dear within our heart,"

Beautifully written :)

[Kuro]

Congratulations once again on winning the Write Me A Poem! contest! Again, I apologize for the wait. Here is your review.

As numerous contest submissions began piling up, I grew curious as to what kinds of poems were being submitted. I also thought it would be beneficial in the interest of saving time to begin skimming them to get an idea of which ones were my favorites before the contest officially closed. Yours stood out from the rest of the entries initially because, as you're aware, I am very interested in the Japanese language and culture. I've seen (and written) pieces with multicultural influence, but it's far rarer to find a poem inspired by something as simple as a phrase in another language. And yet, as your Author's Note clearly explained, 物の哀れ is no simple phrase. It's actually quite difficult to explain the feelings your poem evokes by its title alone. It's humbling, I suppose, to think about just how fleeting our existence is.

The next thing that caught my attention was your description of your poem. While irrelevant to the quality of your work, which remained to be seen, it's a demonstration of the amount of thought you put into it. You're not just publishing it, you're defining it through analytical commentary. I have a lot of respect for writers who approach their work with a balance of creativity and a scholarly intellect.

I began skimming your poem, as I would any other entry, but I found that I couldn't just glance over it. I had to go back and read every single word. It was stunning from beginning to end and captured my attention immediately. I absolutely loved the parallel you created between the falling flowers and how man is destined to meet his end alone. Your last two quatrains were the most impactful. It was brilliant how you contradicted the uncertainty, fear, and suffering we face in our lives with the concept of creating our own destinies and being self-made in the absence of an obvious predetermined purpose.

Honestly, I felt rather unintelligent writing this review, as I couldn't seem to find the appropriate words to describe your exceptional and insightful poem. You're an incredibly talented writer and, as promised, I will be reviewing at least two more of your poems soon. Thanks for your participation and congratulations once again!

[Rod Dangers]

You should get some more napkins, Dude! This was top quality poetry, imo. I enjoyed it, the different structure was pleasantly pleasing.
If your sister is the poet of the family, then she must be top class 'cos this was great writing.
Thank you for sharing.

p.s The turkey one was awesome too ;) (4 words and told a story lol)