The Mystery of the Scab Academy

The Scab Academy is a world-renowned institute for aspiring haunted house actors. It is often referred to as the Harvard of fear-based curriculum due to the top-tier terror talent that it consistently produces.

Currently threatening the prestigious status of the Scab Academy is a suspected murder that occurred in the center of the front lobby - only a chalk outline remains in place of the bloodied corpse. Almost every single class offered in the Academy is tailored to teach the pupils to induce maximum fear through their performance, using a range of peculiar methods. For this reason, students and faculty dismissed the gored human body as some kind of odd teaching tactic and walked around and over it on their way to classes for an entire week before someone reported the body to the authorities.

Having not heard any updates from the police investigators in the five hours since the body was reported, Headmaster Bo, leader of the Scab Academy, tasked himself with the investigation of the crime. Of course, due to the amount of activity and disturbances on the crime scene Bo realized that this would be an incredibly difficult task.

Bo’s first lead was named Balthazar, a particularly troubling student that has been to the Headmaster’s office several times within the previous 12 months, all for death threats towards fellow students. Through their conversations, Headmaster Bo came to understand that Balthazar has no intention of becoming an actor in a haunted house, but rather genuinely enjoys observing fear in others.

Balthazar walks into the headmaster’s office,

“Please sit down Balthazar,”

“I-I’ll kill you,” mutters Balthazar,

“What was that son?”

“Nothing,” says Balthazar.

“Balthazar, where were you last Monday?”

“I was here at school, but I had a bad stomach ache so I took some laxatives and was in the second floor washroom from 10am to 2pm” answered Balthazar.

“Interesting, “ Bo thought, “The murder took place on the first floor, and the first sighting was around noon.”

“Alright Balthazar, your story checks out. You are dismissed” instructs the headmaster.

With the prime suspect acquitted Bo was back to square one. Headmaster Bo sat in his office alone with his thoughts for what must have been at least six minutes. While thinking through as many students and staff as he could, Bo recalled one faculty member that he always felt uneasy about. Mr. Hobbs.

Mr. Hobbs always greeted Bo with a smile and often brought home-baked treats on Fridays for the faculty. When Bo had a flat tire in the faculty parking lot last month, Mr. Hobbs helped to replace the tire. Bo thought Mr. Hobbs was suspiciously nice. The mere thought of Mr. Hobbs’ smile and unnatural positive morning energy put a chill down Bo’s spine strong enough to make him leap out of his chair.

Fueled by anger and a little bit of excitement at the prospect that Bo wouldn’t need to deal with Mr. Hobbs while behind bars, Headmaster Bo ran down to Mr. Hobbs' classroom. Mr. Hobbs was in the middle of teaching when Headmaster Bo burst through the door, sweating and visibly angry.

“What a pleasant surprise! Friends, let’s give a warm welcome to our wonderful Headmast-”

“YOU!” screamed Bo, “Where were you last Monday!”

Confused, Mr. Hobbs quietly replied, “Uh, well I was in this classroom teaching. All of the students here can vouch for me.”

Bo turned to the students, still panting. All of the students were wide-eyed and confidently nodding their heads.

“AGGGH! You won’t get away with this!” hollered Bo, as he stormed out of the room.

Bo hobbled down the hallway with his head down, muttering inaudibly to himself until he bumped into a uniform filled with a body. It was the police investigators he had been anxiously waiting to hear back from.

“Thank goodness you’re here officers, it was Mr. Hobbs! You need to question Mr. Hobbs!” begged Bo.

“Headmaster Bo,” replied the lead investigator, “We reviewed the security camera footage from the date of the death. Your academy is actually quite well surveilled.”

Bo’s mind was reeling, “The security cameras! How did I not think of that!”, thought Bo.

“We obtained extremely high resolution video of one of the students committing the murder, he has been identified as one Balthazar Plop.”

“Balthazar, Balthazar. But Balthazar had an alibi!” thought Bo. 

Stunned, Bo just uttered, “Laxatives. T-T-Toilet.”

Visibly confused, the investigators shook their heads and walked away to make the arrest.