brutal suicide

My breath quickens as I count to three
Mom said it will help to calm me down
I lay in my bed for a few minutes
I have to think this through
My tears are longing for the absence of my happiness

I hold my pillow tight
Trying to fight this thought
My frowning face feels cold because of this wet pillow
Under my pillow were pills instead of my cellphone
Under my pillow were blades instead of my favorite chain

I glare at the pills then back to the blades
My conscience couldn't let me to hurt her again
But why care?
You doing this for yourself
You won't lose anything but will gain everything
So she did it
She took the pills
She slit her wrist for the last time

Laying in my bed the door swings open
it was my lover
He shook me up
Looked at me with a regretful eye
"What did you do"?
"Why did you do this to yourself"
Praying to himself:god don't take her away from me,I still need her!

I stared at him,eyes wide open
And all the memories I do not want to remember
I hold his hand tight
I told myself that I won't regret anything

My last tear ran through my cheek
My last smile slowly faded away
My last drop of blood was cold
My last breath was painful
My last words were "do not cry for my absence"
My lonely soul slowly went to rest...