When Sins Meet

They know they cannot change, they know they never will. So they simply do not try.

On May 12th 2010 it was 14 degrees in the sun but the cloud cover was extensive. On May 12th 2010 the streets were far too silent. On May 12th 2010 the Sins met for tea they didn't pay for in a cafe that wasn't open. Pride was there first, always the early bird and proud of it because she always got the worm much to Gluttony's distaste. She was a neat woman, young and slim because she ate right and exercised and could afford to dress herself impeccably. What could she say? She sang, she danced, she acted and she had a degree in economics on the side just in case. Being fabulous came naturally to the one-time teenage beauty queen and it was hardly something she would begrudge. People wanted to be her (and one particular person more so than everyone else) because she had so much and it took less effort than lifting her perfectly manicured little finger. She couldn't blame them for wanting to be her because she had the world eating from the palm of her hand every time she opened her pretty mouth. Still, none of that stopped her from having dreams. Pride wanted to work for something, to find something she had to physically sweat for to see results. She wanted to make mistakes and spell words wrong and dress in clothes that didn't fit and looked terrible. But she couldn't. She couldn't because her pride just wouldn't allow for it. She was far too important to let herself be seen dressed like the homeless or hand over her thank you cards covered in perfect loopy words and the occasional whopping great spelling mistake. She couldn't let herself be side tracked by such silly dreams; they were unimportant in the grander scheme of things, the grander scheme of her. She was needed, she was in demand; she didn't have time for a mistake and a fashion faux pas every day of her life.

But speaking of a fashion faux pas, Envy had joined her in their quaint little cafe, trying and failing to rock the clothes and hair of somebody she wasn't. Her blazer was cheap and too small, her shoes were hideous and her hair was a nest of tangles rather than beautifully defined blonde curls. No need for a second guess at who Envy wanted to be. In a way, Pride was flattered that someone like Envy wanted to be her. As children Envy had been deliriously pretty because she'd had no other choice but to be herself. What child could afford a whole new wardrobe, a haircut and a dye job? Yes, Pride knew she had been the prettier child but there was nothing truly wrong with the way Envy looked; at least not enough to change it. Throughout adolescence she'd seen Envy go blond, curl her straight hair every morning, drop a dress size and spend money she didn't have on the new Marc by Marc Jacob collection the day after Pride herself had. So yes she was flattered but at that same time she felt sorry for the poor girl. As hard as she tried she would always be Envy; disastrous little Envy with no fashion sense but a glorious green thumb, no talent in the world of Broadway but an adorable habit of tripping over air and walking into doors. She was everything Pride wasn't and sometimes (though admittedly never often) Pride found herself wishing she could be like Envy. She had things to work for and she worked so damn hard for them. She wanted to be beautiful and she wanted to sing cheesy show tunes in musicals. Her vocal coach said her range would never be good enough but that didn't stop her trying, making herself hoarse through trying. Pride wasn't jealous per say because she had everything she viewed as truly important but she did have a niggling feeling sometimes that she deserved more. She deserved to feel more like a human and less like a porcelain doll. Dolls were perfect, there was no doubting that. They were flawless and desired and that was great, but at the end of the day they were still just porcelain dolls and they'd never be anything but that. Pride was the same; she would never trip up the stairs or slur her words. Perhaps it was Envy's turn to be proud of who she was and Pride's turn to envy her because of it.

Pride had wanted to muse more on the subject but her thoughts were interrupted by Gluttony's clomping footsteps; she never did understand why he insisted on wearing such big boots. Gluttony was as wide as he was tall and if Pride hadn't known him she would have found him intimidating. But she did know him, so she knew that Gluttony was never violent or threatening unless he was hungry and somebody was dangling food in his face (something Wrath had been stupid enough to do when they'd been teenagers). He sidled up beside Envy because the two of them had always had some sort of warped bond and immediately began chomping on the lunch he'd brought with him: a loaf of sandwiches, a packet of biscuits, family-sized bags of crisps, two bags of chips from the local chippy and bottles of full fat coke. Pride wasn't sure how he managed to eat it all but every time they met he brought something of similar quantity and he managed to get through every mouthful before they left. It seemed physically impossible; but then she guessed when it came to all things edible, nothing was impossible for Gluttony. In a way Pride felt the same way about Gluttony as she did about Envy; she knew she was better, but that didn't stop her from wishing she could just step down sometimes and live a little like they did. Gluttony ate for England and he didn't care when he put on 1lb then 10lb then 2st. He was content at whatever weight he was as long as he got to enjoy the delicious taste of strawberry shortcake and Sunday roasts. 

Pride had never had a Sunday roast in her life, let alone strawberry shortcake because they were bad for her, bad for her health, for her figure. She made herself stick to a strict diet and exercise routine to ensure her size 4's continued to fit her as well as they did. She wasn't sure what size Gluttony wore, but she did know that Envy had a curve to her stomach, small but still there, which she thought was horrible but Pride thought was beautiful. Why couldn't Pride ever just let go and binge all day? Nurse a food baby? Lounge around because she'd been busy and she thought she deserved it? She was skin and bone and she knew it, she knew that a lot of people found her attractive but then a lot of people found Envy attractive as well because she was real, she could be touched and tugged around and she wouldn't break if she was. But Pride? Well Pride was likely to break if the wind so much as blew too hard. There was no fat, just lean muscle, the protrusion of her hip bones and the concave surface of her stomach. Gluttony really did have a decent life. He'd never be able to fit into sample sizes or strut down a runway, but he was happy. Pride wasn't particularly happy; she was proud of herself for her achievements, but pride didn't equal happiness, it equalled an ego and social pressure to stay proud and perfect. For that reason alone, when Gluttony offered her a chip she hesitated for just a second longer than usual before declining. Whether she wanted it or not, she just couldn't take it. She was perfect, she was desired- people wanted her.

She used to think Greed wanted her. Greed who swaggered into the cafe weighed down by so much jewellery that she had to wonder how he could still walk upright. Greed who leered at her every time they met in a way that led her to believe he wanted her like he did any other object. But he didn't. He didn't want her, he wanted what she had and had done so since they were children. She remembered their first meeting; they'd been five years old and everyone was out on the playground, running around, falling over and cutting knees. All except Pride, who'd spent most of her childhood trying to get better and the thing's she'd been born great at. Greed had waddled over to her and flashed his new watch in her face. It had been one of those watches children use to learn to tell the time and Pride had wanted it. It was shiny. And she'd have looked even prettier with it on her wrist; maybe then her mother would be proud of her for once. But she hadn't ended up with the watch because Greed had led her on all day, made her follow him around and play with him but when the end of the day had come he'd just waltzed out of the room. No watch for Pride. Then, of course, Greed thought he could do the same thing, make empty promises, and she would just fall for them. But she hadn't. 

As he grew up his bank balance increased almost as much as his inventory of possessions and he suddenly didn't want her any more. No, he wanted her little Swarovski crystal necklace because he had a shirt it would look great hanging next to. He wanted her new iPod because she had it in yellow, the only colour he hadn't managed to procure at the time. She gave him nothing because he didn't need anything. He wanted. He wanted too much. But didn't they all? Pride wanted to make herself feel good, Envy wanted to be someone else, Wrath wanted to hurt people... Greed's problem was that he didn't understand that money and a reputation couldn't buy him everything, just like talent couldn't get Pride everything. Neither of them were truly happy with what they had despite the fact that they had everything most people could ever want. But the two Sins didn't have a decent family and they couldn't withstand a relationship because people always wanted things from them. Pride wasn't sure about Greed, but she knew that for once she wanted a relationship where the only thing the other party wanted was her company. Couldn't she have that? Was it such a hard thing to ask for? Greed's numerous girlfriends were with him because he had things they didn't have and some of them were almost as bad as Greed at wanting things. Pride's few partners had only been with her for a ride on her coat tails. After all, who didn't want to be known as Pride's partner? They had so much more in common than they were willing to admit because they were supposed to hate each other. Greed objectified her at every opportunity, treated her like she was the same as every other girl he'd been with. But she wasn't. She was Pride, she was perfect and miserable. She had no one just like he had no one. But they'd never be happy together. Not like Lust and Sloth were happy together.

They were an odd couple and when they'd finished secondary school they'd been voted 'oddest couple' at those award ceremonies on the last day. Lust had gone to get the award of course because Sloth had been propped up sleepily at the back of the room waiting for his lover to come back again. No matter how many times she saw the two together, Pride could not get her head around the pairing. Lust needed sex; she had a hunger for that was never sated for too long. But Sloth never so much as said a word when they were with them, let alone showed that he had a similar appetite for debauchery. But they were happy together and Pride supposed that's all a person could really ask for. It's all she really asked for. Before Sloth had come along Lust had hopped beds more than a person changed clothes, she'd let Greed buy her for a night and she'd agreed to let Wrath knock her about as long as he slept with her after. She'd even taken Gluttony out for dinner to keep her track record in check. 

In those far-gone nights of experimentation Pride had allowed herself to succumb to Lust's charms and while she felt dirty afterwards (physically as well as emotionally) she'd never felt more alive before and she wasn't sure she'd ever felt alive since. Lust had a way with words that left even the most confident people stuttering and stumbling in her wake. It wasn't the same as the effect Pride had, where people everywhere stopped talking and marvelled at her presence. Lust was so beautiful, not the way Pride was beautiful or Envy was beautiful, but the definition of beauty itself and it shocked people, they felt honoured. It gave Lust the power she needed to gain the reputation she had but all the while Pride had to wonder if all she ever wanted was to be loved rather than lusted after. It wasn't in her nature to love, Pride knew this, just like it wasn't in Gluttony's nature to starve or Greed's to give without an expectation of something in return. But Lust had it, didn't she? She loved and was loved in return and the miracle came in the package that was sleepy Sloth. The boy who'd failed just about every class because he'd snoozed through lessons then slept through the exams. The boy who liked nothing more than a mid morning nap followed by an hour or two sleeping in the afternoon, an early night and then a lie-in the next morning. How could he have tamed Lust? But he had and it was such an overnight change that none of them had recognised Lust when she strolled up beside them with Sloth's arm around her waist, his head on her shoulder and her fishnets nowhere in sight. Lust hadn't been the only one to change either. Sloth had smiled and reached his hand up to drag across Lust's jaw in a sign of affection, he'd moved to accommodate her by his side and it had stunned them all because Lust the S**t looked like a respectable human being and Sloth the laziest person on earth had exerted effort. But it had worked for them.

Pride had thought that if Lust had ended up with anyone it would have been Wrath. Wrath who crashed through the doors of their cafe every year with something new on his criminal record and scars all over his face. Wrath had liked Lust a lot because she'd given him what he needed in return for what she needed. She let him smack her around to release all the pent-up rage that boiled in the pit of his stomach everyday. He needed to hit people, he needed to scream and shout and scare people. It was who he was. And if Lust could sate that need whilst sating her own then who were they to complain. But when Sloth had come into the picture Wrath had been abandoned and so the only other option for him had been to turn to crime. He hadn't meant to, but he soon discovered that hitting a police officer goes on the criminal record and smashing windows can get a person time in a cell and hefty fines. He didn't want to be so angry all the time because he drove away everyone around him when he was but he couldn't help it and that's why Pride forgave him when he'd broken her nose when they'd been teenagers. She'd been flaunting her achievements, bragging about some trophy or another and he'd already been wound up. So he'd punched her. He'd felt so guilty about it afterwards that he'd found the money later in life to pay the nose job she insisted she needed. Wrath always wanted forgiveness, every time he hit someone he would apologise afterwards and it made them forgive him but they were still scared. Scared that one day he wouldn't apologise afterwards, that one day he'd become that monster with no shot at redemption. They didn't want that. Envy liked it when Wrath let her hop onto his back on the way to his motorcycle and Greed liked it when he hit that point of no return and smashed a shop window because he could generally get away with at least one little trinket to add to his collection. He'd helped Lust when she'd needed help and put himself between Sloth and bullies. And Pride? Well Pride just liked having him around. He was proud of her like her family never seemed to be and sometimes she needed that. But only sometimes.

On May 12th 2010, the Sins met for tea they didn't pay for in a cafe that wasn't open. Envy sat with her legs slung over Gluttony's and her head resting on Greed's lap. Lust sat cuddled up with Sloth, giggling whilst he took turns stroking her hair and sleeping. Wrath sat with his back to them bending tea spoons in half but every so often he'd look over his shoulder at them all and smile. Pride sat with a perfectly straight back and watched her friends over the rim of her tea cup. Next year they would do this again; they'd meet for tea in the same place and contemplate the same things. They'd be a year older, but otherwise they'd be the same because they didn't change. They couldn't change.