Prepare Yourself

I've been told that my grandfather is dying.

He's my mom's stepdad, but I've never known her real dad, and this man had been present my whole life, so he is, undoubtedly, my Grandpa John.

He's going to die. That is... he is in the process of dying. Actively.

 

But I just have to say... I hate the way I was told.

I was told by my mom through a post on Facebook.

It said, "Heading to Dodge to see Grandpa. He is declining rapidly. Prepare yourselves".

 

And it wasn't the Facebook part that bothered me nearly so much as the end of the message itself.

 

"Prepare yourselves".

 

Prepare myself?

 

...........

 

How??

 

How do you prepare yourself? How do you brace yourself for the death of someone you have loved all of your life?

 

What do you grip on to? Do you tighten up all of the muscles in your body, as if preparing for someone to slap you in the face or punch you in the gut?

 

Or did she mean, "Prepare your funeral attire"?

 

"Prepare to make a trip to Midwestern Kansas"

 

"Prepare yourselves with lots of Kleenex's and wash your face clean of makeup because there's no point in even applying it in the first place, you'll just wipe it all off in the end".

 

Prepare to hurt. A lot.

　

　

Prepare yourselves.

 

Brace for impact...

 

Here it comes...........

 

!!!!!!! WHAM !!!!!!!!!!

 

And even though you tightened all of your muscles up and balled up your fists and dug your nails into your palms until your knuckles turned white....

 

even though you clenched your jaw and squeezed your eyes shut tight and turned your face away... 

 

even though you held on to all of the solid, heavy things in the room.....

 

even though you were strapped in, with your tray table up and your seat back in the full upright position-

 

when it happens, you're not ready.

 

It doesn't hurt less.

 

It still knocks you on your a*s, and you just lay there crumpled up and holding yourself,

moaning, "I wasn't ready".

　

I'm not ready.

 

But, ready or not...