Her Darkness

The Monster named depression

Her Darkness:

 

What she lacks is a place to land, I often thought…or maybe it’s the safety of a friend that she yearns for, a hand to reach out to when the days seem dark and the nights so terrifying.  She often told me that I’d never understand her until I, myself, felt what she feels, and I believe now that she is so right.

 

I asked her once what would make it better, what would make her feel safe, and she stared into space pondering the question…..

 

To be alone, she whispered softly, to just be alone where no one can be hurt by my stabbing anger and my raping pain.  It left us both silent for a time; me not knowing what to say, and her, just caught in her spinning emotions and twisted reality.  It’s a scary place at times, she said slowly, it’s a place where I feel so lost and out of control emotionally, like someone else moves into my body and takes over my mind and my heart. It’s a place of extremes with no middle ground; flying high in one moment and lashing out in the next, not wanting to hurt anyone but not having the will to stop hurting them.

 

As I listened to her I began to see that she had so much more understanding of it all than even she was aware of, she knew to what to ask for, she knew all the signs and when *it* was coming, and she was smart enough to know that she just had to separate herself from everyone around her in order to protect them, and herself, until it passed…and it always did, she knew that too.  But sometimes when the beast screamed and howled at her to get in, she wasn’t equipped to fight hard enough to stop it before it entered and she fell weak to the demons that raged, and when she found no place to run to, no place to solidify herself, she reacted like an animal, caged and angry, and I knew better than most how painful that could be to anyone around her; but I knew even better how painful and wrenching it was to her, to feel so weak, so lost and so desperate to regain control of the darkness…..Her Darkness.

 

 01/21/2001

Reviews

[WynterPhoenix]

This is going into my favorites. You've penned the emotions perfectly and the way someone feels when going through something like this. I myself feel this way often and others get mad when I push them away and refuse to talk to them. I just wish they would understand where I'm coming from in all of this.

This story offered a realization to me as well. I don't always know why I feel this way and it is scary. At least now I know why I subconsciously push everyone away. Thank you for sharing this.

[Becky C Strukamp]

You tell of ones inner self so well. I can never get enough of you stories, poems, etc. Well delivered! I can always feel your words. They speak volume to me. Thanks for sharing your encredible gift of writing.

[Richielee]

this...is......excellent.so many people don't (or rather won't) begin to understand depression.A guy with a broken leg is a visual that anyone can see but the mind is hidden away.The phrase that has pissed me off the most in life when trying to deal with depression is 'pull yourself together'....arrrrrrrrggghhh

[Enigma]

Wow. Can the feeling be more perfectly described? I guess not. The writing style took me into a dark room on the top of a building and I'm listening to this, looking out from a window and staring at a moon-lit night. The standard scene of sorrow for me. Your piece caught my attention from the first and the last word. Amazing write! :)

[MS. BABy]

I must agree this is one of my most favorite to this point, I love ur voice...

[Coyote Poetry]

This is a strong story. I had to read it a few times. Pain and depression can take you to a dark place where there is no light or hope. Hard to overcome depression but you must. A excellent story.
Coyote