Daisy

It's funny how you wake up one day and there be that single moment of nothingness. Day by day, there's always that singular moment of nothing. It's not a moment of hope or a moment of loss, it's simply nothing. It's the only time where that maze inside your head is a straight line of abyss, but then walls are quickly pushed together; creating boundaries and deformity. That's when life kicks in. You're either living or you're empty and society is not made for an empty man. However, that one moment of silence, of emptiness, of bliss is nice; but like I said before, it never lasts.

I woke up the other day with a smile on my face. It was the first time in ages that I had slept well. Of course I still woke up in the middle of the night with a stomach ache and I still had the usual nightmare, but I woke up feeling awake. October 18th was the date. Then the day only got better as I soon realized my parents weren't home. It was nice to go down the stair case feeling, free. I know my parents are decent people and good parents, but I can't truly be me in front of them or anyone for that matter. I'm simply too imaginative for society, but there has always been someone I could be myself around. That would be my dogs.

I remember when I was little I would pretend that I was in the jungle and my dogs were giant lions and leopards. They were so terrifying that with one look you were petrified! I would run around the yard trying to be some kind of ninja, but they would always turn to look at me. They wanted to make sure that I was okay. I loved my dogs and still do. I would even say that I love them more then people and I say this strongly. I mean, people are great and all but they're also selfish and have so many desires. Dogs just want to be loved.

Theres been times in my life when I've had nobody. You may think that I'm exaggerating but I can promise you that I'm not. It's sad but it was true. However I always had my dogs. They were they existence that never left my side and always cared for me. When I was sad they would let cry across there chest. I guess you could say it was pay back for all the times they slobbered all over me. Nevertheless, they were there and they may have been uncomfortable but they always had there ways of making me feel better.

I grew up with a dog named Daisy. She was my best friend! Daisy was a sweetheart and she was a mutt. She was a lab/pit bull mix and she was gorgeous. She was bright red; the kind of red you could see miles away as if it were in plain sight. Then there was her eyes that were the darkest of brown and carried black around them as if someone had drawn eyeliner around her eye. Her fur wasn't soft but it wasn't wiry either. It was just her. She had strong muscly arms for most of her life that is and white fur had been graced upon her chest. There was another white spot on her front left paw but the rest of her color was as red as the prettiest of roses. I had Daisy since she was a pup and she had me since I was a child.

I was 17 when she died and she was 14. All but three years of my life were lived and spent together. Now I'm expected to live a lifetime in her absence. Sure, she was a dog, but if you're a person whose saying she's just a dog then you have no idea. She was there for me; she was there for me when no one else was and she is the reason why I stayed strong. She was the only creature in this world that knew everything about me and never judged me for a second. She never ever hurt me like people do. Except for the time she ate my bunny or the time she ate my cat. Even though she was a hunter she never meant any harm to me and she always had a look in her eyes that made you say it was okay. They were the same eyes that calmed me down. Those same eyes that aren't here and can't stop me from crying.

Now I'm stuck here grieving. Grieving, I've always hated that word. I don't know why. I guess it's because I hate it when I do grieve. I also hate it when people say RIP. I feel like they don't have enough respect to spell it out. She was worth so much more. More then me or more then any person for that matter. So now I just want to grieve in peace but peace has always been an obstacle for me.

I had known for about a year that her end was coming soon. She had cancer covering her body. There was tutors sticking on the outside and if you felt beneath her skin you could feel the aching tumors that laid beneath the surface. It was hard to watch her in so much pain. Watching the grey hairs perch upon her bright reds, watching her muscle decrease slowly and effortlessly, and watching her moving in such pain. Eventually procrastination becomes long overdue and it's just time to say goodbye.

The day she died I had an idea that it would be that day but being in denial or not thinking about it seemed like a better option. It wasn't until the moment that my mom called that I realized this was real. She said it was time to say goodbye and that my twin brothers would come pick me up. So during this waiting time I tried to distract myself until my brothers arrived at our new house.

You see we had just moved and my dogs were being cared for at the old house. We visited everyday and played with them but her energy could only progress for moments. Some days she was in to much pain to even come to us. She would get up and run to her spot, barking at us until we said hello.

On that particular day, there last day, they had visited me. My brothers had brought Daisy and our other dog Socks over. Socks was 13 and it was her last day, hence why I said there earlier. Socks could barley walk due to injuring herself on several occasions. By this point in her life she was just shaking. Socks and I were never close but she was part of the family. Socks was a pit bull mix with lab, the same breed as Daisy, but Socks was black. She also had a white cover chest. Socks was always happy. She was the dog who you would push to the side and she thought that meant you loved her and wanted her closer.

When the two walked into my house they went to adventure, as they smelled all the furniture. I remember Daisy trying to go upstairs and me having to help her down the three steps she barely made it across, but I smirked as I remembered how she is the same dog that use to jump over the couch while we were sitting on it and never grassed a head. We left fairly soon and rode my brothers brand new truck. The day was perfect, only casting 80 degrees outside and the clouds covering speck by speck and leaving room for brightness. I felt like a rainy day would seem more fitting but a perfect day was better because at least they got a perfect day.

The windows were rolled down and I could smell barbecue running through the town reminding me of home, family, and my childhood. Of course memories started to fill through my mind in an endless time warps. There were good times and there were bad times but at the end of the day there was always me and Daisy.

We took some family pictures and then it was time. We took the two to the shelter so that they could be put to sleep and out of there misery. I went in the car that Daisy was in and I stayed with her until they made me leave. When it was time to say our last goodbyes, I just left. I knew that if I looked at her one more time or if I had hugged her that I wouldn't have let go. I knew there would be a fight or at least a big ordeal. I would have just broken and the truth is I didn't want to cry in front of her because I knew she would know something was up. It was a day about her not me. So I left with hardly any tears but that doesn't change the fact that I had to let go of my bestest and truest friend and now I will never see her again...

This is the first time that I've been able to really write in about a month. Why I havnt been able to write? Maybe it's because I didn't have anything worth saying or I just didn't want to write. Because writing means I have to speak the truth and in my mind nothing's real until it's written. It was hard for me to realize that I will never see her again and when I wrote this it was all too real. I know not many people will read this but this is worth a millions of votes because this isn't for me this is for Daisy.

Reviews

[Robert Dees]

Wow, you should keep writing. Aspiring can become established, which can turn into legendary. Keep doing what you're doing. It works.