Hindsight

Looking back

I

Match me, she said
I looked back at her, slightly abashed
After years of complacent confidence
I figured I had rusted.

But what was there to match,
there we were
separated by generations, good genes
goddamn climates, poverty and colonialism.
I thought I could change everything, every bit now
if i matched her elliptical steps into steadfast grounds
steps she knew so well
with her years of acclimatization.

Instead I thought of the pretty face of the girl
back home who was destined to be mine
and smiled meekly "Goodnight"

II.

They gave me a lot of chances,
a newly furnished home
some great neighbors
like minded neurotics to talk to.
A steady life, a decent salary
a chance to make my name
I was disturbed by the broken lampshade
the irregular work hours and the loneliness
by the girl who decided to call me quits after 2 years
and by more hours to think about my life.
I left.

Even today, I cant speak the local language
don't have as many decent neighbors
work hours suck
the girl is already three months pregnant by her husband.
I just try to fix the lampshade, carefully, this time.

III.

I really liked the guy.
Even if he speaks so less
and we have so little in common
and the life is positively a puzzle.
I could do that with my life
if I had taken those adventurous trips with my girlfriends
outside the country
Instead I cook semi fried pork chops, every Tuesday night
and watch my man sleep
tired after the night's endeavor
books remained unread, pages unturned
I think I was an avid reader, sometime.


© Nothing Personal. Dec 26, 2011.

Reviews

[Siddhartha]

What a wonderful piece of confessional poetry NP. Whenever I read your poem, I get transported to the mind of the poet. And that few moments of vicarious pleasure, that's what makes your poems so outstanding.

[Leslie Philibert]

I think this is a fine poem,well structured,with an almost cinemastic use of imagery,as well as full of truth without needing to preach,personal without being obscure, full of good observations with lots of details that make it real.Good work.

[roarke]

it's always interesting looking back... the patchwork images, feelings, thoughts, realizations. This is an excellent portrait of looking back. A satisfying read.

[...]

. some time ago ... i sort of gave up reading books ... and immersed myself in the job of hanging out with "like minded neurotics" ... (and they hardly include those i published and i don't mind that at all as most of those weren't like minded) ... my current gang includes the infinitely poetic ... the infinitely bizarre ... the infinitely comfortable in their own skin type of people ... not the ones desperately in need of validation ... but the type who are waiting patiently to meet other like minded people ... the end of desperation is the beginning of life ... the end of desperation is the beginning of inspiration ... the end of desperation makes one's existence more about poetry than the poetry one writes ... the point of saying all this being ... that when i read this poem ... i realized you are home ... in your home ... :) ...

[Emily B]

this was an amazing read

[The Analog Kid]

Very reflective and it tells a story of a past life.