Redemption

Redeeming...

Can I steal the tag of your New Year album?
Can I steal the smile on your face?
Can I steal the warmth of your hug when it snows?
Can I steal you again pretty face?

I am sorry her face was cream and chocolate
I am sorry her hair was milky brown
I am sorry she brought an early winter
I am sorry I took her to (your) bed.

We stood there when fast trains breezed by
We stood there to the song you never sung
We stood there to make unpromised promises
We stood there for our very first touch.

You were lost in pensive thought
You were lost in desirous hope
You were lost when I had looked away
You were lost when I had looked back.

I moved where the storm took me
I moved where the ostrich cried
I moved where order took me
I moved where you couldn’t pry.

I will search lost mountains
I will seek deep seas
I will traverse rugged landscape
(Where) I will hide with thee.

Put behind the dark, old alleys
Put behind the wrong, suave men
Put behind your false, pretentious smile
Put behind your impetuous fame.

Come where the river meets the ocean
Come where the sky kisses the sea
Come where expansive lovers unite
Come where I will find thee.

Can you close your eyes?
Can you ripen your wings?
Can you come close to me?
Can you kiss my lips?

Can I steal the tag of your New Year album?
Can I steal the smile on your face?
Can I steal the warmth of your hug when it snows?
Can I steal you again pretty face?

© Nothing Personal. January 03, 2011.

Reviews

[MuSe Ampoule]

In times of new years and resolutions so often we try to create new rather than rekindle old...for though love is lost...hope may be eternal. doesn't hurt to ask...right? For those who shamed themselves with indiscretions and taken responsibility sincerely...perhaps there is hope yet....
great pensive write and I loved the form with this.

[David Keagan]

Never have I ever seen such a form that could easily be ruined when not choosing the right words, but you my friend perfected the form! great poem. you've got not only a way with words.. but a way with style

[Gone]

What more can I add? Everyones has said it all already! Brilliant poem.

[Kerry O'Connor]

Very innovative idea you have here. I can almost hear this being sung... lovely piece.

[Amy Vaughn]

"Can you close your eyes?
Can you ripen your wings?
Can you come close to me?
Can you kiss my lips?"

That was my favorite part. I loved the repetition.

[See ya]

Brillaint is correct.
Enjoy the way the repetition doesnt seem clunky.
This is my fave part:
Put behind the dark, old alleys
Put behind the wrong, suave men
Put behind your false, pretentious smile
Put behind your impetuous fame.
-------------------------

[Marie Harrison]

All in the name of earning redemption. Love it! I like the repetition too in this piece. It works.

[Jennifer Lenhardt]

Sigh... swoon...

[.]

. oh yes, it's a song ... a song that one can hear again and again and again ... and as always you move the reader and overwhelm ... but i absolutely must say something else ... this poem is one of your most perfect poems in terms of skill and artistry ... every word is perfectly placed ... every line is perfectly written ... i would count this in your top 5, if not your top 3 poems ... oh, how you raise the bar for yourself, my friend ... and what an honour it is to watch you relentlessly pursue excellence ... incredible ! ...

[Siddhartha]

A moving poem about unrequited love and the protagonist's search for redemption...Loved it...The poem has a uniquely fluid structure that instantly catches the eye and later on mesmerizes the reader...Wonderfully done...

[Lissa]

Amazing. :) I love this. It had a very distinct beat, but at the same time, it had a definate flow. Great job. :)