Redemption

Redeeming...

Can I steal the tag of your New Year album?
Can I steal the smile on your face?
Can I steal the warmth of your hug when it snows?
Can I steal you again pretty face?

I am sorry her face was cream and chocolate
I am sorry her hair was milky brown
I am sorry she brought an early winter
I am sorry I took her to (your) bed.

We stood there when fast trains breezed by
We stood there to the song you never sung
We stood there to make unpromised promises
We stood there for our very first touch.

You were lost in pensive thought
You were lost in desirous hope
You were lost when I had looked away
You were lost when I had looked back.

I moved where the storm took me
I moved where the ostrich cried
I moved where order took me
I moved where you couldn’t pry.

I will search lost mountains
I will seek deep seas
I will traverse rugged landscape
(Where) I will hide with thee.

Put behind the dark, old alleys
Put behind the wrong, suave men
Put behind your false, pretentious smile
Put behind your impetuous fame.

Come where the river meets the ocean
Come where the sky kisses the sea
Come where expansive lovers unite
Come where I will find thee.

Can you close your eyes?
Can you ripen your wings?
Can you come close to me?
Can you kiss my lips?

Can I steal the tag of your New Year album?
Can I steal the smile on your face?
Can I steal the warmth of your hug when it snows?
Can I steal you again pretty face?

© Nothing Personal. January 03, 2011.

Reviews

[MuSe Ampoule]

In times of new years and resolutions so often we try to create new rather than rekindle old...for though love is lost...hope may be eternal. doesn't hurt to ask...right? For those who shamed themselves with indiscretions and taken responsibility sincerely...perhaps there is hope yet....
great pensive write and I loved the form with this.

[Undying Glory]

powerful work, that repetition sure added power to this one, not monotony, so that's just great! i thought that this was very well-written, and i am praying for the doors of second chances to be open for all of us! very good job!

[Stacey]

This is fabulous! Love how you've structured this verse, very clever and it enhances this verse 10 fold. I love all the WE's, I's, PUTs, and COMEs, but the stanzas that grabbed me were the lines that started with CAN you/CAN I:) Wonderful write and a joy to read!

[Truman S. Booth]

Very well done. I love this form. It's visually attractive before you even read the words. The theme is magnificent, the content thoughtful and connectible, and the structure was very interesting, exciting, and fun to read. Thank you.

[Dream Slave]

The repetition on this piece is very well used. Flowed and rhymed as well as any piece I have read. Powerful with the first stanza right off the bat, and then at the end just drilling the point. A love lost waiting for it to come back.

[Stef Outsiders]

WOW, Soo good!!

[Sarah McConnaughey]

Very nice and lyrical; it flows so well right to the very end. Well done.

[Kaitlyn]

Love it!

[G. K. Bostic]

You have so many reviews already, there's not much more I can add. I will just join in the applause. You have used the technique of the repetition at the beginning of the lines brilliantly. Extremely well written.....loved it!

[.]

can I steal this poem?
can I steal your inspiration?
can I steal your minds eye?
can I steal it all?

loved it..repetition just solidifies the message..well done

[RAWr]

How do you crank out high quality poetry so quickly? Damn.