A November Night Part I

Nothing new but i want to write on this...

They came by boats
Or so it seemed,
The waves of the gray, black sea
Tossed and turned in uneasy restlessness.
Foams of salts and sin washed their feet
The scared moon hid behind the sun.


Steel, gray metal in their hands
Glimmered through the pitch, dark night;
Silence and Darkness is always creepy,
A few good men gave them a warm welcome;

Hungry is the Devil on nights like that
Insatiable Lust for lives & blood;
Innocents waiting to be butchered;
As God drew his curtains back;

They ordered Kebabs mostly
And a few chilled beers;
Some gave disturbing, dirty looks
While some others trembled in fear.

Flashback

God serves those who serves him
And serves his holy cause;
Mujahideen is the pathway to heaven
Or else HELL wait for you damned cursed.

But Ahmed thought
"I am just a small kid
I have just learned to play
This metal gun is too heavy for me
Why can't i stray away?"

"Oh you foolish boy,
When did you last see your father?
If you want to see his smiling face
Then don't waste your time hither"



© Nothing Personal. November 25, 2010.

Author's Note

On 11/26/2008.

Reviews

[Ice QueenJen]

A very different kind of poem, first I thought it was about being at sea. Then as you brought in God, it became a very different one. I also like how you brought out how the Taliban train them from young ones.
I think this line "The waves of the gray, black sea" would sound better if you changed the word 'the' to ' a '. As if you were looking at it from a distance or memory.

But overall a nice writing!

[KAREN]

I think you did a great job, it flowed perfectly and can't wait to read part two and know the rest of the story!

[SpokenWord]

Kids picking up guns this could be in my own neighborhood. Story poetry is fun to write and read and you did a great job with this one. Setting up the path for other poems to follow.

[Mauricio Montoya]

A story in a poem. interesting. What’s next.

[Stef Outsiders]

This is good, be interesting to see what happens next... well done

[Kerry O'Connor]

This sets the scene for an epic battle of good against evil... Keep me posted.

[Kate Hunter]

very nice. like it a lot.

[Brian W. Hastings]

The very ending is what hit me personally. Very good job.

[JulieNorell]

Good read! But instead of creepy you could use another word, like Haunting? Fearful? Nightmarish? It would give it a deaper feeling less modern more...Poetic...GREAT READ I REALLY LIKED IT!

[Jamie-Lynn]

I think you did a lovely job, though generally, I'm not a huge fan of non-rhyming poems. For whatever reason I dislike the flow. But the message is portrayed wonderfully.

[Dream Slave]

Ok, I am intrigued and want more. Sounds like the beginning of a great epic. Love the gloom and dark feeling before the flashback painted a scene of complete chaos. I could see myself there as a part of this write.