A November Night Part I

Nothing new but i want to write on this...

They came by boats
Or so it seemed,
The waves of the gray, black sea
Tossed and turned in uneasy restlessness.
Foams of salts and sin washed their feet
The scared moon hid behind the sun.


Steel, gray metal in their hands
Glimmered through the pitch, dark night;
Silence and Darkness is always creepy,
A few good men gave them a warm welcome;

Hungry is the Devil on nights like that
Insatiable Lust for lives & blood;
Innocents waiting to be butchered;
As God drew his curtains back;

They ordered Kebabs mostly
And a few chilled beers;
Some gave disturbing, dirty looks
While some others trembled in fear.

Flashback

God serves those who serves him
And serves his holy cause;
Mujahideen is the pathway to heaven
Or else HELL wait for you damned cursed.

But Ahmed thought
"I am just a small kid
I have just learned to play
This metal gun is too heavy for me
Why can't i stray away?"

"Oh you foolish boy,
When did you last see your father?
If you want to see his smiling face
Then don't waste your time hither"



© Nothing Personal. November 25, 2010.

Author's Note

On 11/26/2008.

Reviews

[Ice QueenJen]

A very different kind of poem, first I thought it was about being at sea. Then as you brought in God, it became a very different one. I also like how you brought out how the Taliban train them from young ones.
I think this line "The waves of the gray, black sea" would sound better if you changed the word 'the' to ' a '. As if you were looking at it from a distance or memory.

But overall a nice writing!

[Dakota]

I like the way you changed half way through. This piece is understandable to me as one who lives with these things everyday. Thank you for sharing this

[Jeff]

Interesting piece.

[Kaitlyn]

very interesting. I like it a lot

[trainwreck]

Hmmm this is interesting. Not too much really jumped out on me, its not bad though at all.
I did like the line, "Innocents waiting to be butchered as God drew his curtains back."
Its my favorite part. Good write, and interesting read.

[Cafe Reader]

Excellent writing.

Different, but interesting.
I had a totally out-of-proportion idea at first, but good job blending it all together.

[Goodbye]

I would agree with Jen's grammar suggestion...

But wow! What a powerful poem of the experience of a young one in foolish elder men's wars. Just excellent.

[Julie Beth]

this is amazing you did a really great job :)

[Priyankaabhilaashi]

Good work..!!

[Shelly Braen]

In the beginning, I was subtley reminded of the Yeats in Beowulf. As their journey would have been to Herot, yet you then turned the tide toward a more modern tale of guns, and holy wars. A masterful current, I must say, yet you kept it all in the same "ocean". ^_^ Very original, and very epic. I feel as if it is the beginning to a grand tale. One to be passed down mouth to mouth by generations. Quite lovely.