Stand Down

A poem on feeling attacked by the one you let in

Disengage
Your arsenal
Your red hot steel
Of anger
I am unarmed
I am unwilling
To eat your bitter
Sustenance
It leaves me hungry
Filled with poisons
Choked by oils
Fetid around my heart
My spirit cries
My heart asunder
It only consumes love
Leaving a pathetic hate

I don’t want to be pathetic
Today.
It is a feeling I well know
Too often
I don’t need it
At your hand
I don’t need your lashes
Striping my mind

I am scarred enough
I am enough
I don’t need
Your demolition

I tear down myself
Every day
I am just trying to build
Something with the scraps

If only a bonfire
A pyre of my dreams
Of my could have beens
Leaving only ashes again

There is no phoenix here
Just a tired soul
That is trying
And failing everyday