Mission Accomplished

Sometimes people almost ruin you... almost.

An unintentional schedule mistake

Meant I would sit the bench.

I guess the promise you made

Wasn't made to everyone.

Evidently

"Everyone will play."

Didn't apply to me.

So many endless bus rides,

My spot on the bench never vacated.

How much harder can I practice?

How much more can I

"cheer on the others"?

No friends on the team.

Even the younger players pity me.

Is that not enough?

Guess not.

Don't worry though,

You still won your little mind game.

My nightmares of being a minute late

and losing my job,

Or being kicked off the team,

can be your medals.

The words "practice" and "Game"

now send my stomach spiraling.

Not excitement,

Something even more engulfing:

Fear.

An unshakable anxiety

that I'm not good enough,

That no mistake I make will be forgiven,

That I will pay harshly

for the smallest of faults.

You probably think you helped me.

You made perfection my only option.

Thanks to you I will never fail.

The good news is

Trying nothing

means failing nothing.

Sounds like a plan right...

Until I find my passion.

My confidence.

Myself.

And you see

That it was you who failed.

You who tried to break me

And succeeded only in breaking

The respect you thought I owed you.

Someday we'll meet again

And I will smile at you sincerely.

Because I will know

I'm not strong because of you,

I'm strong in spite of you.

Mission accomplished.