Just A Little Squeeze

A man struggles with the decision of staying where he is or going back home to his family.

The grass feels good beneath my back, nature's gift for the ill rested. Interlocking fingers prop my head towards the full bodied moon. The oceans fierce roar and splashing waves fill my ears with a gentle rhythmic beat. A mighty forest full of life and peaceful activity lies behind me, the perfect backdrop to my cliff side paradise. Right now I feel peace. This is a good place, a place I hope never to leave. Unfortunately, hope is not for the certain minded. 

I know I must return but I can't. This place is too great. The thought of leaving has me feeling depressed and regretful. It's like I would be betraying it, like it has offered me so much and I'm about to throw that away. Can I stay? Would that be so bad? I know there are people waiting for me, but haven't I given them enough. Do they know what they ask of me. How can they be so selfish. I can hear them. They think I can't but I can. "He'll pull through." they say. "I miss him so much." "If you can hear me, come back to us. We need you." they say.

What about me. Haven't I been through enough. I know what I'll wake up to. My legs, gone. The accident was bad. I hear the doctors too. "Even if he wakes up there's a good chance he may not have any motor skills. He'll have to learn to use his arms again, to chew and swallow will be a task for him, and walking is obviously out of the picture." What kind of life is that. It's not. Not a life at all.

This place is nice. I've used it before, when I was younger, just a kid, whenever I was in severe trouble with my father. He would be in my face, yelling, screaming, his saliva landing on my lips, and me too afraid to wipe it away. I would come here and it would be okay. No matter what I did or what the consequences were I was always safe here. I've missed this place. I can't explain how much joy I felt to find it again and they want me to leave.

I don't remember the accident, not all of it anyway. I remember driving down the freeway, traffic was light, the sky clear and my radio up high. I'm on my way to see the family. Work was easy that day, everything that needed doing was done and I was happy. I was looking forward to a home cooked meal and time with the wife. Then the car to my right swerved to avoid a merging vehicle. I remember being afraid and that was it. The car, then the fear and that's it. Next thing I know, I'm here. No pain, no nothing. I remember thinking, "Not the worst way to go." 

Then I realized I wasn't dead. I was ecstatic, overjoyed even. I was ready to leave, until I heard them talk. That's when everything got worse. I have no legs, destroyed beyond repair in the crash, they had to amputate. It's not fair you know. I didn't deserve this. As it turns out the car merging onto the freeway was a stolen car attempting to elude the police. That little prick, got off with only a few scrapes and bruises and now look at me. Disabled, a ruined pathetic excuse of a man. I wish I had been that other car, the one that swerved. At least he died, I wish I had. I wish I had died. 

"Daddy?" No, not her. "Daddy can you hear me?" She said she wouldn't let her see me like this. "Mommy, why isn't daddy talking?" I can't do it, I can't go back, I won't go back. It's no life. I love this place. "Make daddy say something." She's crying now. Why? Why did you bring her here? Damn you, I want to yell at my wife. This isn't fair. I'm happy here. I'm whole here. . . I can walk here.

My eyes open. The moon so bright, so welcoming. Nature's cool breath on my face, Peace emanating over me. I'm going to miss this. A tear falls down the side of my face. I stand up and walk to the edge of the cliff. The ocean so magnificent in all its glory and vast power. I see my child's face now. Smiling, happy, beckoning me for another kiss. That's all I need. Right there. It'll be okay, I'm sure of it. With one last breath I close my eyes. The smell of the salty water dissipates, the breeze becomes a cool sweat and my heart races. Blackness now, Blackness is all there is. 

Feel. I feel a pressure. My finger. There's something there. A hand, a little hand squeezing it. I feel peace again and gently squeeze back.

Author's Note

I am open to all comments and criticism. Please, let me know what you think. I just started writing and this is where it lead. I hope you guys like it.

Reviews

[Will Neill]

Jason, I read your story-I like the concept idea of the man in a coma hearing his loved one's around him and his yearning to stay in his peaceful place. I think you need to introduce just a little bit more sutle revelation rather that him telling us, make more of the discriptions and use other characters to deliver the information. Keep writing-it's in there you are just honing your talent.
Keep well.
Will

[Marie]

Good. No mistakes. Try again.

[NotNobody]

Thank you. I think I will.

[QuietlyCrash]

This is written very well, in all honesty I just about cried reading it. You have a really nice way of painting an immense picture with your words. Super lovely!
Best Wishes,
Riley

[NotNobody]

Thank you very much, It means a lot to me that you would say that. I really appreciate it.