The Whispering Woods

Don, a bitter man, learns a lesson.

He loved to sit on the back porch of his old cottage and gaze across the meadow that was filled with the most beautiful Orange Tiger Lilies. With every cool breeze the grassy field moved like the waves of the ocean. Without a cloud in the sky Don sat back in his rocking chair and soaked in the sun's rays on this magnificent day.

"Living out in the countryside sure has it's perks," he said out loud to himself.

Don was a man in his early forties who loved nothing more than being alone and keeping to himself. Nothing made him happier than waking up in the morning and not hearing the sound of neighbors arguing in the street or cars speeding past his home. The country life was the life for him.

He wouldn't be alone today though because his family from the city was coming out to pay him a visit for the first time in years. He cringed at the thought of his brothers and sisters coming and ruining his peace and serenity. After all that is the reason he moved out here in the first place, to be away from them. There was a certain resentment he held towards them ever since he was a young boy. He was the middle child of five and felt like he never connected to any of them. His two younger brothers were inseparable since they were so close in age and his two older sisters were away all the time living together at school. He was an outcast in his own family. The black sheep.

He soon after fell asleep to the soft whistling sounds of the wind blowing it's way through the field and the song like chirping of the birds soaring in the sky above.

In the distance past the wooden fence that confined his yard and the enchanting green sea was a heavily wooded area the locals referred to as the Whispering Woods. Don never ventured out there because he felt there was no need to. The trees towered above everything in the surrounding area. They were his very own skyscrapers without the agitating noises of the city.

When he came to he stretched out in his chair and let out a big yawn. He could have kept on sleeping, but he had to straighten up the house for his unwanted guests. Another thing he could hold against them, disturbing his rest.

There was not much cleaning that had to be done since he lived alone. He already swept and mopped the kitchen and living room. All he had left was to sweep off the dirt from the back porch.

As he was doing so he noticed something out of the corner of his eye. He saw a figure that resembled a woman draped in all white crossing the meadow towards the woods. He thought that was very strange being that his closest neighbor lived three miles away.

"Excuse me miss, are you okay!" He called out to her.

She payed him no mind and made her way into the forest. Normally Don would just go on about his business and not think about it, but for some reason she would not leave his mind. He put the broom aside and made his way down his squeaky, wooden porch.

For the first time ever Don was venturing out past the confides of his yard. The grass and flowers came up to about his midsection so he walked with his arms out to his sides to graze the lilies as he made his way across the meadow.

He was nearly to the opening of the woods when he heard something that stopped him in his tracks. It sounded like there was someone calling out to him within the woods.

"Maybe it's the woman I saw earlier," he said under his breath.

Without thinking he hurried into the forest. The towering spruce trees left very little sunlight on the ground level and it made it hard to make out which way to go.

Don walked deeper and deeper into the forest when suddenly a thick fog started to pour in. It left him very uneasy and now he thought it was a good time to turn back and head home. If that woman was here she's long gone by now he kept thinking to himself. As he turned to make his way back to the cottage he saw something dash between the trees to the right of him.

He then started to pick up the pace of his walk. As he was making his way through the trees he kept hearing the footsteps of someone or something in the distance. Next thing he knew he was full on sprinting in the direction of what he thought was the way he came in. Only thing on his mind was to not look back and to keep on running, but his feet had different plans. It was too late to react to the roots of the tree he tripped over. His only choice was to brace himself for the impact of the fall.

He slid a couple of feet and finally stopped with his face down in the dirt. He rolled over and sat up. His knees were scraped up pretty bad and there was no way he was running out of there now.

As he rose to his feet he lifted his head and was greeted by a pair of beautiful, green eyes.

"Hello Don," the woman said in a calm voice.

He fell back onto the ground with disbelief.

"Wh-wh-who are you and how do you know my name," he finally blurted out.

"I am the Spirit that watches over these woods and I know a lot more than just your name Don. I know that you are an unloving old man who hates his own family" she said sternly.

"Please just don't hurt me. I don't want to die out here alone in these woods," he said trembling.

"Well what would be the difference between here and your home? Either way you'll be alone if you keep living life the way you do," the Spirit said. "Here let me show you Don."

The fog thickened around them and in it Don could see a vision the Spirit was trying to show him. In it he could see a casket in an empty room. In the casket he could make out the image of a very old man.

"That's you Don," she said with a soul piercing voice. "An old, sad man with no one there to even bury him."

"This is what's to come of you if you keep pushing away the people who love you the most."

"I never meant to be such a terrible person," he pleaded. "I never meant to turn my back on my family."

"Don I am giving you an opportunity to turn your life around," the Spirit commanded. "When you go back I want you to reconnect with your family and give them a reason to love you again."

"I'll do anything it takes, I promise you Spirit," he sobbed.

"Then so be it, I will be keeping an eye on you Don," she replied.

He realized now that there is no reason to be angry at his family for things that happened when he was a little boy. They loved him unconditionally and now it was time for him to give them some love in return.

In an instance she lifted her arms up and a flash of white blinded him. When he opened them again he was back on the porch swaying back and forth in his rocking chair. He heard voices coming from the front of the home. He hopped up and made his way to the front door. He opened it to meet his visitors.

"Brothers, sisters it's so nice to see you after all this time!"

Reviews

[Mason Red]

I liked the story! It shows moral and it's told in a beautiful form. I actually feel like this is a story meant for me. I'm one for solitude in some form. I wouldn't say I'm as far as your character, but I feel like I should keep more people close.
Your descriptions are distinct and powerful, giving away just enough to work with, and it doesn't distract to much from the story. As always (I feel like I always have something to say, I hope you don't mind), I have two notes.
The first; I see that you use thoughts in your narrative, but I got a little confused as you stepped from narrative straight into a thought. To make it more clear I suggest using an italic font specifically for these lines. Example sentence; ...home. [start italic here] If that woman was here she's long gone by now [end italic here] he kept thinking to himself.
The second note; You have an introduction, a core and a solid ending, but I feel like the introduction might be too long (this could just be me); how I interpreted it is that it takes the first 50%. The core starts when Don sees the lady walking, and to me it really got interesting at that point. The downside is that it was also over pretty fast. It might be an idea to spend some more time in Don's problem, or, if you want to keep it short (i'm sorry to say), delete some exposition. Then again, it's my opinion, it's not a must. =)

Liked the read, please send me another request if you finish another piece. Cheers.

[Chris]

I liked Don - for who you made him out to be... you gave a little of his "history" and it fit the perception well. Who he became - well, not so much ...but that's personal choice.

[Taylor]

I critique as i read first, then perhaps scan over the piece again for general comments. Please accept my views as that -- just mine -- and judge for yourself whether they are of use. They are meant to be.
1)"He loved to sit on the back porch of his old cottage and gaze across the meadow that was filled with the m ost beautiful Orange Tiger Lilies." -- let the reader picture this and allow the reader the option of deciding whether they're beautiful; therefore, I'd suggest you delete "most beautiful."
2) "grassy fieldmoved like the waves of the ocean" -- nice image; however, it is the grasses that moved and appeared like waves in the ocean, not the field as you have written; perhaps change to "grasses in the field..."
3) soaked in the sun's rays on this magnificent day. " --- again, let the reader decide that it's "this magnificent day -- you don't need to interpret for the reader; if you've set the scene, which you have, you can trust the reader to know
4) said out loud to himself -- seems like there's a theme here -- no need to say "to himself" because as far as the reader knows he's sitting alone on the porch
5) "He soon after fell asleep to the soft whistling sounds of the wind blowing it's way through the field and the song like chirping of the birds soaring in the sky above." This sentence is a little awkward for me -- maybe because of the wind blowing its way through -- I think more of wind blowing across a field. Also I doubt that you can really hear birds chirping when they are "soaring." Soaring to me implies being much higher in the sky beyond where one could hear them.
6) " She payed " - paid
7)"his squeaky, wooden porch." -- he really wasn't making his way down the porch -- rather down the squeaky wooden steps.
8)" The grass and flowers came up to about his midsection so he walked with his arms out to his sides to graze the lilies as he made his way across the meadow. " -- Very nice image
9)stopped him in his tracks -- this is cliche -- why not just say "stopped him."
10) He then started to pick up the pace of his walk -- I'd suggest deleting "of his walk." That slows down the pace!
In the second part of the story, you trust the reader much more and there are far fewer "summaries" and judgments until the end.
The story is quite interesting to me and reads well. The weakest part for me is the dialogue with the spirit -- his conversion for me is a little too swift. What would happen if you were to extend this section and have him justify some of his feelings about his family -- have a little back and forth between him and the spirit? Also, for me the last several paragraphs where you summarize would be best to be shown -- perhaps have him return to the house, hearing laughing and feel a longing to be a part of that or something else, but show it rather than "tell" it.
I feel as though I've seen this story elsewhere -- perhaps on another site. I hope some of this has been helpful. Please understand I do not wish to be heavy handed and hope I haven't been.

[Dayran]

Its a great story telling style ... concise in description and gets to the point without too much wavering. That helps ... especially when dealing with issues that have become very vex. Keep at it Mike.

[Blake]

Just like your first story, this one keeps me hooked and unable to put it away until I finish reading the last word. This holds true even though it is 11pm where I am

[Dreamgirl23732]

Great description and a gripping storyline, you had me hooked till the very end!

[Ike Prescott]

It's pretty good, it's a lot like Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol, but I cannot help but feel it being too rushed. But keep up the good work :)

[Michael Mendez]

Thank you so much everyone I really appreciate it!

[Lizardo]

oh my god, this the first story that makes my heart beat go faster because of the tention in some lines and what a great message it leaves, this really has left me without words!
God, this is a great story, I love it!

[Afraa]

First off, let me say, I can relate to the man in the story. He seems to have my kind of attitude in life right now.

I hope you plan to become an author because this story just speaks for you. You explained the scenes in an easy to understand way. There are many emotions in this story, for which I appreciate. The story is also well-structured and organized, which made me want to continue reading. You had me immersed on this piece!

I enjoyed reading every word. Thank you for sharing!