Chaos Complex

I want to give the world positivity-
If only I had some in me.
Instead of this pessimism I want so bad to delete.
I've done feats that have surprised minds-
But I hate feeling irrelevant with the passing of time.
So I'm- hoping I can refill my cartridges of ammunition.
Man on a mission- call me Solid Snake.
A portal of escape, is as much of a lie as the cake.
So I create an alteration-
With my imagination.
Some concentration,
Can lead to deeper self excavation.
Fossils of beautiful memories,
And antique nostalgia.
Delicious and sweet, like a slice of galia.
Why do I feel homesick at home?
Maybe I'm still looking for one to call my own.
And I don't mean that cause of my fam-
I mean, damn- without them I would have ended up a broken man,
With no means to stand.
Now I understand why dad was always filled with angst,
As a kid, I never thought about his situation with the bank.
So with more empathy,
I showed sympathy.
And we stopped aggressively making each other know inferiority.
The world just needs more charity and love to give it more clarity.
I don't hate no one-
I'm just having a hard time forgiving me.
So if I talk with animosity in my speech,
Forgive me for letting such ugly emotions leak.
I'm human too-
Didn't the suicidal ideation give anyone else a clue?
The want for destruction and pleasure-
I would have proved Freud right.
A chaos complex that slowly could make me diminish,
But I gotta keep moving on- I'll make it to the finish.