Is this it? [Chapter 5: Arson and Bridges]

It's been a long time since I wrote anything for this series, so here we go... Continued from the chapter: [Dreams, Nightmares, And Realities]

"I'm sorry, Pix. I love you, but... not like that."

 

"So, you lied to me?"

 

Ren laid on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. His phone was pressed against his ear with the questioning and accusing voice of his girlfriend on the line. He hated hurting the feelings of someone he cared about, but he felt this was a necessary step to grow. He couldn't back down now, he had already taken it this far. He tried not to let the pain in his soon to be ex's voice bother him, but that was impossible. All he could do was continue.

 

"I never lied to you. I did love you..."

"Did."

 

"I just, don't think we should date anymore. Can't we just be friends?"

Naive. How very naive to hope that everything would just blow over in a second. Deep in his heart he already knew that it was impossible for the two at the moment. The truth was, he loved Pixel. She was always there for him, more than anyone else- but at the same time, he felt that he wasn't advancing or getting where he wanted to go because of the relationship. He was so comfortable with her- and that same comfort was the reason he felt he didn't budge from where he was at in life right now. It may have sounded stupid to others, but that was his way of viewing it. He had to leave his comfort zone and he had to explore what else was out there for him. Maybe there was nothing there. Maybe there was just darkness. Either way, he decided he'd take the risk- even if it meant losing the only person who would ever truly love him.

 

"No! I can't just be friends with you! I love you! You've scarred me by doing this!" The frustration and annoyance in her voice was clearly there. They had been dating for years and no one had ever understood him like her... yet, at the same time, he felt she didn't really know him at all. The magic of romance was dying. He knew they both had a lot of things they had to work on. He wasn't ready to really commit himself to anything. He was still piecing together what he could of himself. He felt selfish and dirty. But something told him not to turn back. He had to face the consequences. Face them! If he could do anything right, it would be to not feed her a content illusion with a half-a*s relationship.

 

"Then, I'm sorry. This is what I want." That was his response. There was silence. Normally, he would welcome such a thing during a dispute. It would have been a good moment to catch his breath and reorganize his thoughts, but for some reason, the silence stung. Every second that an audible sound wasn't uttered by her over his cell phone felt like repeated shanks from an angry serial murderer.

 

"Fine. I want you to know that I love you and I'll always love you- but I don't think I'll ever be able to talk to you again." And with that, there was a click.

 

He didn't know how to feel. Should he be happy that it didn't end as bad as he thought it would have? Or should he cry because he just lost someone precious to him?

 

"F**k. F**k. F**k. F**k." He muttered over and over again, dropping the phone by his side and grabbing at a lock of his black hair. He tugged at it roughly, as if attempting to rip it all out. He felt like a scum bag. Dirt. "Did I do the right thing?"

 

"Stop it." Karin was sitting in a black leather chair across from his bed. The girl in white had her hands folded over her lap and her blue eyes were locked onto him. The expression on them wasn't fierce, but they were determined. "You did what you know you had to do, and you knew the two of you would suffer. You calculated this all- didn't you? Yet you act like it's a big surprise."

 

"When you look at something through a detailed diagram, you don't really feel anything. You understand it, and you grasp it. You have an idea of how things might unfold- but when you're actually executing something, it's a lot different. When you're breaking up with someone or hurting someone you do care about- the emotions just get overwhelming. Even if you do know what you need to say... ugh... I don't even know what I'm trying to say." Ren let out a sigh, changing his position on the bed. He sat up and looked to Karin. He felt like jumping off a bridge. The guilt was immense.

 

"Well, it's good to see you're still human. You know what you did and you know what to do. It's time to move forward. This is what you wanted, is it not?"

 

Karin's soothing tone made him lower his gaze as if he was defeated. "Yes. I did what had to be done. I couldn't lie to her. I needed to leave. I need to better myself, and I want to explore all the possibilities I can before I settle down. I made a mistake thinking that I was ready to commit myself. I'm not."

 

He suddenly felt the bed shift in weight as someone else plopped down on the side behind him. "Hey, b*****s!" As Karin and Ren glanced over to where the voice was coming from, they were greeted by the smug grin of Aya. She crossed her long legs and used a hand to flip her purple hair over her shoulder. "I felt heart-breaker over here being engulfed by dark and naughty feelings, so I figured I'd stop by and see what was up."

 

Karin sighed and rested her eyes, annoyed by Aya's blabbering. "You know very well what goes on as you are a part of this boy's brain too."

 

Aya snickered and shot her arm forward. What appeared to look like swirling blackness collected together in front of her open palm and a sheathed katana entered view. Aya locked her fingers around the sheath and licked her lips before bringing the weapon towards her, embracing it as if it were a lover. "Karin, let him go crazy. Let him be angry. Let him vent. He's an animal, too. Animals need to f**k and scream and f**k some more!" Aya narrowed her brows in a glare that could be confused for aggressive seduction. She challenged the other mentality with confidence. "Let him do something risky!"

 

"It is entirely up to Ren how he will deal with this. Let him do what he thinks is best." Karin opened a single lid, her blue hue focused on Aya. The goth-clad girl snorted at the white dressed one. Both of them suddenly glanced over to Ren who began to punch at his wall. His fist quickened in tempo as he muttered to the others who surrounded him.

 

"I don't know. I don't know! Just go away! Both of you! I don't know what I'm going to f*****g do! I don't want to think about it! I just want to be left alone! I just want to f*****g disappear! I want all of it to go away! This always happens! I think I'm getting back on track and something f***s it all up! Whether it's me or not! I just can't win!" Ren screamed out in angst, unable to contain his emotions, feeling hate, anger, and venom spill out of him. "This is all bullshit! God, society, humanity, the world, the universe! F**K IT ALL. I'd be better off dead..."

 

He suddenly felt his shoulders grabbed and he was yanked down onto his mattress. Aya slammed a foot on his chest, withdrawing her blade and swinging the katana to his neck. "Do you ever learn? Or will you make the same mistakes over and over again? You stupid human- you're living. You're going to make mistakes. Things are going to be bad, but they don't stay the same forever. I'm all for you crying and venting out like an emo prick, but your suffering will pass. Pixel will get over this too. You both will be fine and you will probably look back at all this and laugh in the future. NOW, cry. But do not let despair consume you to the point of wanting to die. Never let an extremity destroy your psychological homeostasis. We know how scary you can get when you lose your balance... This is why me and that blonde are here- to alleviate the extremities in your mind. Remember the truth."

 

Ren gulped as he looked over to the sharp blade that Aya used to kill demons and fears. He then glanced back up at her, breathing as heavily as the girl's boot on his chest would allow him too. "I will. I'll navigate my way through all this s**t... I just have to... finish crying."

 

Aya swung the sword upward and then spun it around her skilled fingers, slamming it down into the sheath. "Go ahead and cry, you idiot." She hopped off of the bed and glanced over to Karin who was frowning at her.

 

"What? Got something to say?" Aya grunted, squeezing the hilt of her weapon.

 

"I understand your methods but I can't say I fully agree with them..." Karin had her hands folded on top of her lap. She stared at Aya with enough intensity to intimidate even the most wildest of beast.

 

"HEY- he wants to man up, SO I'm helping him man up! YOU f*****g deal with his crying! Go hug him or some s**t so he gets over this crap faster! This is annoying!" Aya used a quick draw sword technique to slash open reality and then made her way into the rip she created.

"I'm leaving, I'll check on you all later." The rip seemed to repair itself, welding together from the bottom all the way up to the top. It sealed itself tightly and consumed Aya's form.

 

Karin turned back to Ren who was breathing heavily and wiping his eyes. She sighed and crawled onto the bed beside him, wrapping her arms around him. "It will be okay- all sinners can be forgiven. This will be a new beginning."

 

"Another one. I have to burn another bridge." He said in between sobs as he looked up to Karin. He then closed his eyes as Karin brushed his black hair, hoping  tomorrow he could move on.

Author's Note

Sorry, I haven't written in forever and I had a random need to write this, so I did. I don't know what I'm really doing with this 'story'. I kind of use it to vent on things I've actually gone through. Feedback would be appreciated.

Reviews

[AngelBeat]

This was kinda sad :(