An Overgrown Child

This is a poem inspired by the movie Blackswan that came out in 2009 and is about fighting with your inner battle...

She was like an overgrown child,
She was all pure and always smiled.
Behind her smile there was more to tell,
Inside her mind was like a living hell.
She was in constant fight with herself,
she knew this fight will not end by itself.
Everyday she tried to be perfect,
but still everyone around her treated her as an object.
Everyone got what they wanted,
except her who no one responded.
She was full of self hate,
her mind was not in a healthy state.
She was used to being so unloved,
that she didn’t know how it felt to be truly loved.
She tried to change herself for others,
which she thought would be wonders.
Wonders was far from the truth,
all she faced was abuse.
Suddenly she realized,
the wrong people she idealized.
She abandoned everything,
to take time to understand.
She finally understood that she was worth more, she will not go back to how she was before.
She killed her innocence and bloomed,
her inner battle doomed.
The last thing she saw was a bright heavenly light, she smiled as her eyes slowly fell deep she knew this was the last night.

Author's Note

I would really like to get any kind of constructive feedback, since I have never published my work publicly, so feel free to comment

Reviews

[sette]

hmmm it is very emotional and what a good thing to be able to put the emotions into words is something admirable

[Dhara_Ditzy Kat]

I loved this poem and I appreciated your lovely rhyming. Near perfect Noor, says I.

[AJNJ]

A very intense and emotional experience it was, reading this poem. Well written.

[Phill Oz O'fee]

Hi Noor, hope you don't mind but I found your write good but a bit disjointed. Thee wordplay needs revamping into a more structured stanza flow. I've attached this rewrite as an example, but I believe there is, even more, you can do to improve;

She was like an overgrown child
She was pure and always smiling
But behind her smile
There was more to tell

Inside her mind was like a living hell
She was in a constant fight with herself
And knew this fight
Would not end by itself

Everyday she tried to be perfect
But still everyone around her
Treated her like an object
And all got what they wanted

She was full of self hate
Her mind was not in a healthy state
And was so used to being so unloved
Did not know how it felt to be truly loved

She tried to change herself for others
Which she thought would be wonderful
But this was far from the truth
For all she faced was abuse

Suddenly she realized
She idealized the wrong people
She abandoned everything
To take time to understand

Finally she understood her own worth
She would try to return
To how she was before
Her innocence had been killed

The last thing she saw
Was a bright heavenly light
She smiled as her eyes slowly fell deep
As she knew this was the last night

Graet start my friend... :-)

[Noor]

I understand but my intention with this poem was that everything would rhyme hence the way I wrote it this way, but there was one part where I forgot to rhyme but it did fit in so I wasn’t too bothered to change it up, but thanks for the feedback!

[Relic]

To every action, there's a reaction, and your poem displays the inner thoughts of one who felt she had no other choice. I've never seen the movie but your poem puts it in to a nice, though sad perspective.

Nice writing, Noor.

[Noor]

Thanks for the feedback, I appreciate it!

[Relic]

My pleasure, welcome to the site, Noor.