He looked at her deprecatingly and said " really! , but i have never watched you on TV before, i think you have a serious mental illness"
She smiled a half smile while she was flipping her dark short hair
" you are such an idiot, exactly like all of the people here , i am a star literally, star like those stars above us , i think you will never understand me " she said and pop out , but his voice stopped her
" wait , just tell me more " he shouted
She looked at him and then looked at the sky with shining green eyes " I am a star , exactly like the stars above , they are shining beautifully from a distance but if you get closer you will find flaming stuffs " she explained.
The sky began to rain so she stopped speaking and closed her eyes , But he became more confused so he said " what do you mean ? , i can't understand anything "
She smiled and said " see ! , I told you...."
Then she pop out between the heavy rain and disappeared like ghost.
I like this as a short, deep yet simple story beautifully told.
''I am a star exactly like the stars above.
They are shining beautifully from a distance,
but if you get closer you will find flaming stuff.'
That is so full of truth.
I believe that we are all stars, because each human is unique and wonderfully created by our Creator, whose divine spirit and spark we are a part of through our soul. I truly believe that for each human born there is a special star up there as a mark of our existence.
We are all stars. But people have a low self-esteem of themselves and start to idolize others, so-called stars, and consider these far above themselves. And instead of being their unique self, many humans lose hope in themselves and start copying others, instead of working on their naturally God-given talent; for we are all blessed with talent, placed here for a purpose like the stars that we divinely are.
WELL DONE!!
Posted 6 Years Ago
6 Years Ago
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my writing, appreciate it :))
This is an imaginative snippet full of good imagery. I like the riddle-like conversation, leaving the reader not really knowing what it all means, but still an enjoyable read.
In this line: "i am a star literally, star like those stars above us" . . . you use the word "star" so much, it begins to feel repetitive. Instead of using the same words over & over, try to find new ways of repeating the same information. Here's an example for the above quoted line: "i am a star literally, just like the ones that are twinkling above us"
All in all, nicely playful & sassy & showing attitude from both characters (((HUGS))) fondly, Margie
I like the descriptiveness i might be bias cause I have green eyes haha but I like it keep writing and work on the little things like grammar
Posted 7 Years Ago
7 Years Ago
Wow i have dark brown eyes so i appreciate the other eyes colors especially green and blue 😂 , .... read moreWow i have dark brown eyes so i appreciate the other eyes colors especially green and blue 😂 , .... thank you so much for your review , and i swear i am doing my best to make my grammar better , i just don't wanna my bad english prevents me from writing, i write anyway and any how 😊
The story was very interesting, and it has that element of attachment to the unknown. The boy wants to know who/what the star is, and he questions her until she disappears to the rain. Great job.
I like the ending how the star disappeared because of the rain. It seemed like a plot twist to me. (Just improve on the grammar, spelling, and proper capitalization)
Thank you for your review, i am trying to improve but my progress is slow because I am busy with my.. read moreThank you for your review, i am trying to improve but my progress is slow because I am busy with my main career, and i consider myself an unprofessional writer! I just don't wanna stop writing even my English is fragile