None

Nothingness is a strange feeling.

There are words for anger, sadness, pain, joy -

and almost every other feeling that is something,

but none for that space where they all fall away.

Where I fall away.

Where in my place a wind-up automoton plods mechanically, pasionlessly through the meaningless routine of the day.

 

"Numb" approximates the absence

But it is exactly that absence that it does not capture.

It is not the muting of a thing that is there.

It is the collapse of what was

-of love, of passion of concern

-of feeling, of thought, of pleasure.

It is the collapse of everything in on itself untill nothing remains

except the dying ghost,

buried in the ever-encroaching void,

longing to feel.

Reviews

[♍ Kirstin ♎]

Dude I tootally get what you mean with this piece. It's strange to feel nothing. Erm as for improvement I'd recomend shortening the line: "Where in my place a wind-up automoton plods mechanically, pasionlessly through the meaningless" or changing it into two seperate lines and maybe try a bit of rhyme? (If rhyme ain't your thing then no worries, *whispers:* I don't rhyme either)

[JC]

The creative talent is there, and the desire to write, this is evident.

For free styling, this works, however if you were going for a more traditional type of poem, then you would want to pay attention to meter, and stanza length. This would also work in a prose format.

I find that writing about my personal life helps me, and working in all genres helps keep it fresh.

Look forward to more,

JC

[SLAlexander]

I think you have more talent than you think. You did a great job on this. Looking forward to reading more.

[wordfairy]

I really like this - and I know exactly the feeling (or lack thereof, that is) that you are describing. As far as any suggestions, only the spelling (until, passionlessly). Re-reading is usually the best fix for this, and I am guilty of it myself if I am in a hurry.

[The Wave]

this was pretty good.
i literally stopped and thought about the word 'nothing'. lol.

as far as how you wrote this...well, it makes sense, like, i understand all that you meant to say here, but there wasnt a real flow to it. maybe you should consider separating the lines. instead of 2 distinct stanzas, make every 2 lines one stanza. because some parts are more wordy, it might help the reader follow along better. also, there was a misspelling in the first stanza: pasionlessly is spelled "passionlessly".

you have great potential, and i have an idea for something you could write next that might help your writing...pick an emotion like maybe loneliness, and describe everything you think of when you think the word. and try to keep each line short. when its short, it should compel you to pack a punch in few words. that leaves a longer impression. just an idea i thought could help
anyway, good job kid :)